I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Bulldogs, on my count, 1, 2, 3…ATTACK!
Miss Sweetie: I’ll get it, Aunt Stella! Nobody invades our home!
Doodlebug: Stop, you ugly monster! I’ve got you!
Me: What is going on? Why are you all freaking out?
Snoopey: See it! See it! Stop it! It has grabbed Tall Man!
Me: The mop? Not again. More like Tall Man has grabbed it.
Tiger: No! He is wrestling with it! Back and forth! Back and forth! We must help him!
Me: Hey, y’all, we’ve had this discussion before. A mop is a floor cleaner. It is not dangerous.
Wiggles: Of course, it is dangerous! It is long and red. Long, red things are dangerous.
Me: Can you even see red?
Stella: When you bring that yellow brush thing out, do we bark at it?
Me: The broom? As a matter of fact, no.
Stella: Because it is yellow. Yellow things are not a threat. But red things are monsters.
Me: So if the mop were yellow, it would be all right?
Stella: There are no such things as yellow mops. But long, red monsters are real.
Me: There! He put the mop up. Can you stop barking now?
Stella: Cease the attack! The long, red monster has retreated. I declare a bulldog victory! Yay us!
Me: I guess I could always paint the mop handle yellow.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.