Stella: There’s a big snake loose in my house! Oh, excuse me. I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. There’s a big snake loose in my house!
Me: Now, Stella, we’ve been over this before.
Stella: There’s a big snake loose in my house and, as usual, Lady Human is doing nothing to stop it.
Tiger: Look! It is wrestling with Tall Man! And Tall Man is losing!
Me: Tiger! Stella! Calm down! It is not a snake!
Stella: I know a snake when I see one! I have watched plenty of nature shows on the Picture Box. I am an expert.
Wiggles: I can stop it! My mouth is plenty big.
Me: Y’all need to calm down before you overheat.
Doodlebug: Better to overheat than to be eaten by a giant snake!
Miss Sweetie: Lady Human, please don’t let me get eaten by a giant snake!
Me: Nobody is getting eaten by any snake. That is the hose on Tall Man’s shop vac. You have all seen it before.
Wiggles: Not me.
Doodlebug: Me either.
Miss Sweetie: I’ve seen it before in one of my bad dreams. No. Wait. That was a big stick.
Me: Listen to me, please! He is doing a few minutes of heavy cleaning in here. It is so warm outside that he didn’t want to put you outside. But you have to stay calm.
Tiger: Calm? What’s that?
Stella: It means we are to stay still while a giant snake eats us.
Me: Stella, that is not a snake. And it is not going to eat anybody. It is sucking up dirt and dog hair.
Stella: You see! It sucks up dog hair but not cat hair! It has come to destroy us!
Me: Well, it sucks up both. It’s just that there is so much more dog hair in here than cat hair. All right, there! It’s off and he is taking it away.
Doodlebug: Yay! Tall Man won the battle. The great big snake lost!
Wiggles: Finally. I’m exhausted. Nap time.
Miss Sweetie: Where did the snake go?
Me: It’s not a snake, Sweetie. And the shop vac is stored in the garage.
Miss Sweetie: The big snake lives in the garage? I don’t like that. I go out there sometimes. What if it tries to eat me?
Me: I give up.
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.