The Stealth Spa – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Relaxing, chilling, getting a massage on Lady Human’s bed, calm and collected. I could do this all day every day. Hey! What was that?

Me:        What?

Stella:    No, I said what. Never mind. This is my favorite time of day, unless, of course, it is bedtime when I get almost all the back scratching I want. Almost. Hey, what was that?

Me:        What?

Stella:    Why do you keep asking the same question I am? Are you playing a weird game?

Me:        Umm…

Stella:    Wait! Why are you scratching my belly with just one hand? Where is your other hand? My care and maintenance require two hands. What are you hiding there?

Me:        Nothing important.

Stella:    Aha! I see it. Those nasty nail clippers! Lady Human, for shame! You lied to a dog.

Me:        When did I lie?

Stella:    Hiding toenail clippers during a spa session is a physical lie.  You don’t tell it with your tongue. You tell it with your sneaky, sneaky hand.

Me:        You are always so laid back during massage time, I just thought I would take advantage of the calm and do a little trimming.

Stella:    Lady Human, for shame again! Taking advantage of a bulldog’s good nature and love of belly scratching!

Me:        Why can’t I see some of that bulldog good nature when I need to trim your nails?

Stella:    After the first clip or two, it’s all used up.




Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.


Love Taps – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. One of my favorite things is when Lady Human and I spend quiet time alone. She pets me and scratches my itchy spots and massages my shoulders and scratches my back and rubs my ears and… hey, why are you stopping?

Me:        Places to go. People to see.

Stella:    What places? Where? What people? Who?

Me:        I have stuff I’ve got to do. We can meet again later.

Stella:    1…2…3…okay, later is now.

Me:        I know, Stella. I enjoy quiet time, too. But who is going to grocery shop and clean y’all’s bowls and wash the clothes…

Stella:    I don’t wear clothes. Let them wash themselves. Pet me. Scratch me.

Me:        Stella, let me have my hand.

Stella:    Pet me. Scratch me.

Me:        Stella, let my arm go.

Stella:    Never. Pet me. Scratch me. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Me:        You have no idea how heavy your paws are.

Stella:    Yes, I do. Tap. Tap. Tap. Stay here. Pet me. Scratch me. LOVE ME!

Me:        Isn’t cleaning your bowls love?

Stella:    Maybe, but it doesn’t feel as good.




Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.





Massage Day – May It Never End – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella McStarFace.  That’s Queen Stella to all of you bulldogs and humans alike.

Me:        Stella, that comes across as demanding and rude.

Stella:   Oh, good. That was what I intended. I am glad I made myself clear.

Me:        You seem a little tense.

Stella:   Wouldn’t you be tense if you had bulldogs barking in your ears all day long, trying to steal your treats and your toys?

Me:        I do.

Stella:   How do you calm down?

Me:        I read. I have a couple of hobbies that I enjoy. I soak my feet in warm water. I may watch a little TV. Not politics though. That does not promote relaxation. Sometimes I give myself a massage.

Stella:   Massage?

Me:        I rub tight muscles in my neck and shoulders. In fact, I got something for you dogs that will massage your skin. It is a glove that I wear on my hand. It has rubbery little nubs on one side and…

Stella:   Me! Me! Me! Now! Now! Now!

Me:        Okay, there’s that demanding tone again.

Stella:   Massage! Massage! Massage!

Me:        All right, here. I just rub your shoulders and down your back and up around your neck. Stella, if you sit up, it is easier.

Stella:   Nope. Nap time.

Me:        Well, I’ll continue the massage later.

Stella:   No! Never stop!

Me:        You wouldn’t want that.

Stella:   Yes, I would.

Me:        After a while, even good things get tired. Excess is to be avoided. Like too much food.

Stella:   Is there ever such a thing as too much food?

Me:        Oh, yes.

Stella:   I would still like to try that.

Me:        I will arrange to be on vacation somewhere else that day.

Stella:   As you wish. More for me.


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.