Shut Your Mouth! A Bug Might Fly In – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The air has turned warm. Spring has covered the trees with leaves. The sky is clear, sometimes. Everything smells wonderful and…ploof…spew…blegh! Aaaghh!

Me:        And flies. Flies enjoy warm weather, too.

Stella:    Where did it go? Let me at it! Snap! Snap!

Me:        You don’t really want to eat a fly, do you?

Stella:    Eat? No! Smoosh in my big bulldog mouth? Yes! Oh, it’s too fast. And it can fly. Hey, is that why humans call them ‘flies’?

Me:        Could be.

Stella:    Why should flies be allowed to ruin my springtime fun?

Me:        With warmer weather come insects. They have been waiting their turn.

Stella:    Get rid of them. They are buzzing my face. They are trying to invade my mouth.

Me:        Keep your mouth shut then.

Stella:    Easy for you to say. I’m a bulldog.

Me:        They are not flying into my mouth because I don’t let my mouth hang open.

Stella:    They are not flying into your mouth because you barely have a mouth. I have never understood how humans can shovel enough food into their tiny mouths to stay alive.

Me:        Well, at least we don’t have flies using our tongues as landing strips.

Stella:    Wait! Look! There’s a big one. Come on, fella! Right over here! And… SNAP! Awwwggghh! Missed! Don’t fly away! Come back here, you coward!

Me:        Escaping from a bulldog’s open mouth. Is that cowardice or uncommon good sense for a fly?





Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Big Dirty Mouths

When I was a kid, a “dirty mouth” only meant one thing and it had nothing to do with brushing your teeth or swishing with mouthwash. A dirty mouth could earn you a bar of soap, but not for a shower or bath.

Our bulldogs have big dirty mouths, the kind that deposit pieces of stick, bark, and regular old dirt in their water bowls, on our pants legs, knees, ankles, arms, and, if at all possible, on bare feet and toes. Feet and toes are the best.

When the human feet aren’t bare, they are even more attractive. Then the big dirty mouths play “Snatch the Shoe”. Five points are awarded for each shoe taken directly off of a human’s foot, only two points for a shoe picked up off the floor (less of a challenge).  If the big dirty bulldog mouth makes it out the door with a shoe, add three extra points for effort. Unless immediate chase is given, the poor shoe may never be seen in its original form again.

I don’t chew on sticks or bark. I don’t recall ever spooning dirt into my mouth – well, maybe when I was very young. I do remember sucking on some pretty weeds that tasted like lemon juice, but my parents made me stop when my doctor told them that the pretty weeds were making me sick. I guess I did have a little bit of bulldog in me back in those days. The bulldogs love to eat grass and weeds, but they are smarter than I was. They never seem to get sick from their delicacies.

The big dirty mouths of humans carry more harm than the big dirty mouths of bulldogs. Our mouths spew filth and harm that can’t be washed away with clean water and a toothbrush.

Jesus said that what comes out of our mouths carries more importance than what goes in. (Mark 7:15)

“…for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.” Luke 6:45 KJV

By comparison, I think the bulldogs have an easier time keeping their mouths clean.


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.