Big Dirty Mouths

When I was a kid, a “dirty mouth” only meant one thing and it had nothing to do with brushing your teeth or swishing with mouthwash. A dirty mouth could earn you a bar of soap, but not for a shower or bath.

Our bulldogs have big dirty mouths, the kind that deposit pieces of stick, bark, and regular old dirt in their water bowls, on our pants legs, knees, ankles, arms, and, if at all possible, on bare feet and toes. Feet and toes are the best.

When the human feet aren’t bare, they are even more attractive. Then the big dirty mouths play “Snatch the Shoe”. Five points are awarded for each shoe taken directly off of a human’s foot, only two points for a shoe picked up off the floor (less of a challenge).  If the big dirty bulldog mouth makes it out the door with a shoe, add three extra points for effort. Unless immediate chase is given, the poor shoe may never be seen in its original form again.

I don’t chew on sticks or bark. I don’t recall ever spooning dirt into my mouth – well, maybe when I was very young. I do remember sucking on some pretty weeds that tasted like lemon juice, but my parents made me stop when my doctor told them that the pretty weeds were making me sick. I guess I did have a little bit of bulldog in me back in those days. The bulldogs love to eat grass and weeds, but they are smarter than I was. They never seem to get sick from their delicacies.

The big dirty mouths of humans carry more harm than the big dirty mouths of bulldogs. Our mouths spew filth and harm that can’t be washed away with clean water and a toothbrush.

Jesus said that what comes out of our mouths carries more importance than what goes in. (Mark 7:15)

“…for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.” Luke 6:45 KJV

By comparison, I think the bulldogs have an easier time keeping their mouths clean.


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.




Watch Where You Step

Pooper scoopers are one of the truly great inventions of the past century. They are a real necessity if you have more than one bulldog. Or even if you have only one bulldog. With one-handed operation, the pooper scooper “bites” the poop from off the ground. The same hand can open it and dispose of the poop in the trash receptacle of your choice without direct contact. Done and done!

Of course, I have seen a bulldog accomplish the same thing, only the poop doesn’t get deposited in a trash can. Wiggles is particularly adept at poop disposal. I won’t go into details. Suffice it to say that every once in a while she darts away and refuses all orders to return until, well, she returns “empty-handed”, so to speak. Also good at trash diving, Wiggles is our waste disposal specialist.

Poop scooping aside, we still have to watch our step in the yard. Dogs can be selective about their bathroom spots and go out of their way to stay out of our way. A couple of ours prize convenience. They step out the door, walk a few feet, sniff the air, and say,”Yep! Here!”

I have learned to watch my step, even away from the bulldogs. If I’m not paying attention, it’s way too easy to “step” into something that is nasty and smells bad. And that odor follows you around until it gets washed off, sometimes with a power hose.

And if you aren’t careful, you can smear that mess onto other people and things. I remember when I was very young, we were leaving my grandparent’s house. I was all dressed up and was wearing a beloved red coat. Once in the car, we started noticing an odor and pretty quickly, my parents discovered that I had stepped in dog poop. It was on my lovely, little patent leather shoes and ON MY RED COAT!

Everything had to be thoroughly cleaned. I never looked at my red coat quite the same way again. And I had no idea that I had stepped in something stinky until we got closed up with it.

Pooper scoopers can’t handle a lot of the filthy stuff that gets left in our paths. For that stuff, we have to watch where we step.


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.