Bulldog Ballet – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Doodlebug:        And I am Doodlebug Dancing Dog. Please use my full name.

Miss Sweetie:    Nope. It’s too long. I will keep calling you Doodle.

Me:        He always makes me laugh when he does that. I just wish I knew when he was going to do it.

Stella:    What? That prancing he does on his hind legs? That’s not dancing. That’s two-footed, tall dog begging. Haven’t you noticed, Lady Human?

Me:        Noticed what?

Stella:    He only does it when you have food in your hands. I thought humans were smart and observant. I guess I was wrong again.

Tiger:     That’s nothing. Look what I can do. Spin. Spin. Spin. Now the other way. Spin. Spin. Spin.

Me:        You two should start a ballet company. Toe dancers.

Wiggles:   I can dance. Watch. MMMPH! UMMMPH! No, I can’t. Never mind.

Me:        You can comma dance. More like tap dancing than ballet…

Wiggles:   That makes me Wiggles Comma Dancer.

Tiger:     What is my dancing name?

Stella:    Tiger Twinkle Toes.

Tiger:     How dare you!

Me:        How about something that takes your spinning into account? Something like Tiger Torque Wrench.

Tiger:     Yes, that is more dignified for a strong bulldog like me. Thank you, Lady Human.

Me:        Miss Sweetie, do you want to dance?

Miss Sweetie:    Mmmm, nope.

Me:        It would be good exercise.

Miss Sweetie:    I already exercise. Cat chasing. Couch jumping. Rampaging. Oh, and the most important exercise. Napping. Call me Sweetie Snooze Sleeper.

Stella:    No one is going to buy a ticket to watch that.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Don’t Step on the Other Dancers – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Bulldogs are dancers. Tap dancers, mostly. But we also do ballet.

Me:        Really? I have trouble picturing that. I’ve seen y’all dance, but never ballet.

Stella:    Just watch me.

Me:        Sticking your hind leg out behind you and shaking it does not quite qualify as ballet dancing.

Stella:    My interpretation of it.

Me:        Okay. If you say so.

Stella:    But I have one rule when dancing, a rule that Wiggles violated.

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Me:        Well, Wiggles is taking a nap now so…

Stella:    The rule, you ask?

Me:        I didn’t really ask.

Stella:    The rule is ‘Don’t step on the other dancers!’

Me:        Sounds like a good rule.

Stella:    All my rules are good rules.

Me:        Okay. If you say so.

Stella:    I do. I saw you trying to dance and Wiggles started her comma dance and stomped on your feet.

Me:        You saw me dancing.

Stella:    I saw you trying. Don’t worry. You just keep on trying. I won’t tell anybody. You could sign up for lessons with me if you’d like.

Me:        Sign up? You teach dance lessons? Since when?

Stella:    Since I saw you trying to dance. Bottom line, as the humans say, don’t step on the other dancers. Rule #1. Rule #2 – Always pay your dance teacher on time. I accept treats at 9 a.m., noon, 4 p.m., and midnight.

Me:        Midnight? I’m not staying up until…

Stella:    All right. Midnight is negotiable. Oh, and remember something else. Don’t dance with Wiggles. She is a foot stomper. And a prima donna.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Stop the Music! – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and a true lover of the humans’ music. Today, I must say, SHUT IT OFF!

Me:        What? What’s wrong?

Stella:    Too many notes. STOP IT!

Me:        Stella, you all seem to like it when I turn on music.

Stella:    That is when you play good music, Lady Human. All you have played today is loud dance music. I like dancing as much as the next bulldog, but I can’t dance to this human stuff. I keep thinking about dancing, dancing, dancing, and now I am just tired. Good evening. I am going to take a long nap. See you in the morning.

Snoopey:   Yeah, let’s go to bed. I’ve been dancing in my head all day long. I’m exhausted.

Tiger:   And then there were those dancing humans on the Picture Box. I have never seen humans act that way. I think they may not have been real humans. They may have been mechanical. That’s scary.

Miss Sweetie:    Dancing…dancing…dancing this way…dancing that…dancing forward…dancing back…

Stella:    Sweetie, stop the stomping. Go to sleep.

Doodlebug:   Dancing is just jumping around but slowly. I do that all the time. Therefore, I am the best dancer.

Wiggles:   No, I am! Watch!

Me:        Yay! Comma dance! Comma dance!

Stella:    Anybody can do that!

Me:        I can’t.

Stella:    I meant anyone with dancing talent. You told me that you can’t dance.

Me:        I can’t.

Stella:    Is that why you watch all those humans dance on the Picture Box?

Me:        I like to see people who do it well.  What kind of music do you want to listen to?

Stella:    Push that button.

Me:        The volume?

Stella:    Yes, push it again.

Me:        Okay.

Stella:    And again.

Me:        Now I can’t hear it.

Stella:    Push it one more time.

Me:        Like that?

Stella:    Yes, now I can’t hear it. Perfect. Good night.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Bulldog Double Dance – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Don’t ever doubt it. Few humans know, however, that I am a dancer. Lady Human discovered this talent on one of the first days I spent with her. I have a unique style. I did not take classes. I was born with it.

You see, it’s this little scooting motion forward with my right front leg extended to the front, my right paw tapping the ground every few inches. Never the left leg, always the right. It must be a good dance. Lady Human smiles every time she sees it. I don’t pull that dance step out often. I don’t want to wear it out.

Wiggles:  I dance.

Stella:    Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, not every bulldog dances.

Wiggles:  I dance.

Stella:    Uh-huh. Snoopey tap dances. Nothing special, just lots of toe action, pretty doggone fast.

Wiggles:  I dance.

Stella:  Sure, sure. Tiger is more of a leaper than a dancer. There was a time when the vet thought that she would always walk with a limp, but Tiger likes to prove people wrong.

Wiggles:  I dance.

Stella:    Yeah, okay. I haven’t seen much dancing from Sweetie or Doodlebug. They are rampagers. They tear around the house and jump on things, including humans.

Wiggles:  I dance. They copy me sometimes.

Stella:  Okay, okay.

Wiggles:  Watch! I try to touch my nose to my tail, but I can’t. But now I look like a half-circle and I tap my feet, all of them, like this as fast as I can, and I turn and turn. Then I turn the other way.

Me:        The famous comma dance and faster than I’ve ever seen her do it.

Stella:   Hmmph! You call that dancing?

Me:        Stella, are you envious? You shouldn’t be.

Stella:    I could dance like that if I wanted to. I just don’t want to. Hmmph!

Me:        You each have your own style. That’s great. If everyone did everything the same way, how boring would that be.

Wiggles:  I dance.

Me:        You sure do, honey.

Stella:    Hmmph! I could do that if I wanted to.

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Do the Bulldog Conga – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Hello! I am Stella, still Illustrious Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, feeling a little left out the past few days as Lady Human and Tall Man have been partying with humans and have not even had the decency to bring home leftovers or include us in their human shenanigans.

Me:        I am sorry. No bulldogs were invited.

Stella:    For shame, Lady Human! A whole world of bulldogs and none were allowed. Without bulldogs, I’ll bet it was boring.

Me:        No. It was pretty fun. One of the guests pulled me into a conga line and I actually danced. Well, it was more like a slow run, but I still did it. That’s so unlike me.

Stella:    What is a ‘conga line’?

Me:        Everybody gets in a line and you put your hands on the shoulders of the person in front of you and you start moving to the music. Our line snaked around the room in between tables, and we danced until the music stopped.

Stella:    More like slow running.

Me:        Yeah, but we laughed a lot.

Stella:    Bulldogs can conga line. We put our feet on each other’s shoulders all the time. And we can slow run. We might fall off, but we can climb back on.

Me:        And someone will snarl. And someone will snap or growl. And then a fight might break out.

Stella:    Exactly, just like the humans. We would feel right at home.

Me:        It was probably better that there were no bulldogs allowed. It might have gotten overcrowded.

Stella:    We still should have been invited. That would’ve been polite.

Me:        But then we would have had to invite collies and corgis.

Stella:    I like collies and corgis.

Me:        And Labradors and poodles.

Stella:    I like Labradors and poodles.

Me:        And then we would have had to invite cats.

Stella:    NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! NO CATS ALLOWED! If cats come to a party, I won’t attend!

Me:        What’s so bad about cats at a party?

Stella:    Cats do NOT know how to conga!

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.