Cat Dance – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Today I have witnessed something horrible that I never thought I would see.

Me:        What horrible thing was that? I can’t imagine. Was it the large pile of poo by the back door that I had to step over?

Stella:    Of course not. Events like that are what give your life meaning. No, I am referring to the disgusting display that Snoopey and Moon the Cat put on.


20160121_174603.jpgMe:        They have been getting along famously of late.

Stella:    Fame does not excuse their bizarre behavior. Today…dare I say it…they were dancing…together.

Me:        I thought that was kind of cute. And, to be honest, it wasn’t much of a dance.

Stella:    Nose to nose. Cheek to cheek, or in a bulldog’s case, cheek to jowl. Step to the right. Step to the left. And naturally, before it ended, Moon the Cat hissed at Snoopey. Typical.

Me:        Eh, Moon hisses at me on a regular basis, too. I’m used to it.

Stella:    Which is one of the problems with our world today, Lady Human. I will never get used to a cat hissing at me. How vulgar! Whatever happened to good manners?

Me:        Between bulldogs and cats, I’m not sure good manners ever existed so…why not just accept that Snoopey and Moon are friends. When that happened, I don’t know, but it’s kind of nice to have one bulldog that truly keeps the peace in the house.

Stella:    Snoopey? Peace? Really? Wait. Maybe I’m confused. Is there another Snoopey around here that I don’t know about?





Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Double Dance – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Don’t ever doubt it. Few humans know, however, that I am a dancer. Lady Human discovered this talent on one of the first days I spent with her. I have a unique style. I did not take classes. I was born with it.

You see, it’s this little scooting motion forward with my right front leg extended to the front, my right paw tapping the ground every few inches. Never the left leg, always the right. It must be a good dance. Lady Human smiles every time she sees it. I don’t pull that dance step out often. I don’t want to wear it out.

Wiggles:  I dance.

Stella:    Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, not every bulldog dances.

Wiggles:  I dance.

Stella:    Uh-huh. Snoopey tap dances. Nothing special, just lots of toe action, pretty doggone fast.

Wiggles:  I dance.

Stella:  Sure, sure. Tiger is more of a leaper than a dancer. There was a time when the vet thought that she would always walk with a limp, but Tiger likes to prove people wrong.

Wiggles:  I dance.

Stella:    Yeah, okay. I haven’t seen much dancing from Sweetie or Doodlebug. They are rampagers. They tear around the house and jump on things, including humans.

Wiggles:  I dance. They copy me sometimes.

Stella:  Okay, okay.

Wiggles:  Watch! I try to touch my nose to my tail, but I can’t. But now I look like a half-circle and I tap my feet, all of them, like this as fast as I can, and I turn and turn. Then I turn the other way.

Me:        The famous comma dance and faster than I’ve ever seen her do it.

Stella:   Hmmph! You call that dancing?

Me:        Stella, are you envious? You shouldn’t be.

Stella:    I could dance like that if I wanted to. I just don’t want to. Hmmph!

Me:        You each have your own style. That’s great. If everyone did everything the same way, how boring would that be.

Wiggles:  I dance.

Me:        You sure do, honey.

Stella:    Hmmph! I could do that if I wanted to.


Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Photo Op – Why Wasn’t It Me? – Conversations with Stella

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, hereby decree that there shall be no more cute photos of Wiggles, who happens to be one of my bulldog subjects, by the way. Why is she getting all the attention?

Me:        Now take it easy, Stella. No one was ignoring you. It’s just that Wiggles found the “window” in the fence and was checking out life on the other side.

Stella:    Well, she looked ridiculous. You should have taken a picture of the other side if you know what I mean. A bulldog’s rear end wiggling but no head visible. Weird.

Me:        She enjoyed seeing what I was up to, though to be honest, there is no way I can make taking out the trash interesting.

Stella:    You see what I mean about Wiggles? She gets all excited about nothing and you all take pictures of her and call her ‘the sweetest dog ever’. Yuck! Sickly sweet! How much more sugar can you put on that?

Me:        Are you jealous?

Stella:    Jealous? Of Wiggles? Sweetest Dog Ever Wiggles who jumps up whenever you speak to her and shapes herself like a half-moon and dances that silly sidestep you call the ‘comma dance’? Hey, my Stella Step is a whole lot more complicated and I don’t see you whipping out your camera for that.

Me:        Sorry. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. You have never much liked it when I start taking pictures of you.

Stella:    And another thing. How smart is it to put you head through a hole in a fence? What if your head gets stuck? That’s a typical Wiggles sort of thing to do. You won’t catch me putting my head in a hole anywhere. Have you ever seen me stick my head through a hole?

Me:        Honestly, now that you mention it, no. Only Wiggles. And Doodlebug.  If Doodlebug can’t find a hole, he’ll make one. In fact, he made that hole in the fence.

Stella:    Exactly. They don’t know what the smart thing is to do with their heads so they do something absurd like stick them through a hole. I guess that’s what gets the photo attention. ‘Oh, look at me. I’m so brilliant. I can stick my head through a hole.’

Me:        I tell you what. I will take some new pictures of you…if you will cooperate.

Stella:    Cooperate? Mmmm…on second thought, that is way too high a price to pay.



Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Dancing Dogs

I grew up in a denomination that frowned on dancing. The belief was that dancing only promoted temptation to sinful thoughts and, therefore, like buying lottery tickets, might open the door to some seriously wicked stuff.

Me: “But it looks fun.”

Counterpoint: “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes…” Psalm 101:3

Me: “But King David wrote that and he danced before the Lord with all his might. 2 Samuel 6:14.”

Counterpoint: That was King David. And that’s just not us.

I guess the lesson was that kingship hath its privileges and we simply weren’t dancers.

So I never danced, except once at school when we learned square dancing and folk dancing for about four weeks. I was told that was okay because it was school. I never let on how much fun I had and I don’t remember any temptations.

Now I dance when I am alone and only God can see. He doesn’t mind my lack of timing or my clumsiness. Oh, and I dance in front of the bulldogs who are some fine dancers themselves. They jump with both front legs bouncing up and down at the same moment. They prance, lifting their legs high in front of them, one at a time as they scoot forward on their paws.

Stella is the best at prancing. She will jump forward with one leg held stiffly out in front of her and tap the ground every few feet, or she will put her head down and rhythmically beat the floor with alternating front paws as she moves. And she sashays.

Wiggles has a different style. She performs what we call the “comma dance”. When she is really excited and playful, she forms herself tightly into a circle, head toward tail, and dances with her feet near the ground. The only thing is, having the wide girth of a bulldog, she can’t close the circle so she looks like a dancing comma. In that position, she whirls around and around, awaiting our approval before she straightens herself out.

I like dancing. Both of my daughters studied dance. It was good exercise and discipline. And if joyful creatures like bulldogs can do it, I can, too – only not where any humans can see me.

“Let them praise His Name in the dance…” Psalm 149:3


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.