I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, hereby decree that there shall be no more cute photos of Wiggles, who happens to be one of my bulldog subjects, by the way. Why is she getting all the attention?
Me: Now take it easy, Stella. No one was ignoring you. It’s just that Wiggles found the “window” in the fence and was checking out life on the other side.
Stella: Well, she looked ridiculous. You should have taken a picture of the other side if you know what I mean. A bulldog’s rear end wiggling but no head visible. Weird.
Me: She enjoyed seeing what I was up to, though to be honest, there is no way I can make taking out the trash interesting.
Stella: You see what I mean about Wiggles? She gets all excited about nothing and you all take pictures of her and call her ‘the sweetest dog ever’. Yuck! Sickly sweet! How much more sugar can you put on that?
Me: Are you jealous?
Stella: Jealous? Of Wiggles? Sweetest Dog Ever Wiggles who jumps up whenever you speak to her and shapes herself like a half-moon and dances that silly sidestep you call the ‘comma dance’? Hey, my Stella Step is a whole lot more complicated and I don’t see you whipping out your camera for that.
Me: Sorry. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. You have never much liked it when I start taking pictures of you.
Stella: And another thing. How smart is it to put you head through a hole in a fence? What if your head gets stuck? That’s a typical Wiggles sort of thing to do. You won’t catch me putting my head in a hole anywhere. Have you ever seen me stick my head through a hole?
Me: Honestly, now that you mention it, no. Only Wiggles. And Doodlebug. If Doodlebug can’t find a hole, he’ll make one. In fact, he made that hole in the fence.
Stella: Exactly. They don’t know what the smart thing is to do with their heads so they do something absurd like stick them through a hole. I guess that’s what gets the photo attention. ‘Oh, look at me. I’m so brilliant. I can stick my head through a hole.’
Me: I tell you what. I will take some new pictures of you…if you will cooperate.
Stella: Cooperate? Mmmm…on second thought, that is way too high a price to pay.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.