Fun Times – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human and Wiggles went off together by themselves the other day. I have held my peace in patience UNTIL NOW! Where did you go? What did you do? Why were you gone so long?

Me:        And why is any of this your business?

Stella:    Everything having to do with the Pack is my business. I am the Queen. If someone is having fun, I need to know about it so that I can demand equal fun time for me.

Me:        If you must know, Wiggles and I went to the vet the other day.

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Stella:    Wrong answer! Visits to the vet never take that long.

Me:        They do when the vet is super busy. Wiggles, where did we go in the car?

Wiggles:   To a place I have been before.

Me:        I know. But what happened there?

Wiggles:   Stuff.

Stella:    I know what you were doing. You were eating ice cream and corny dogs.

Me:        Wiggles, were we eating anything?

Wiggles:   No, there was no eating. I kept waiting and then that nice lady said something about a treat and then nothing like that happened and I was sad.

Me:        What did happen?

Wiggles:   One nice lady poked something into my rear end. That was not a treat. And then another nice lady let a bug bite me.

Me:        That was a rabies vaccination.

Wiggles:   She should not have let that bite me.

Me:        It’s not a bug. It’s a shot with a needle.

Wiggles:   She caught me when I was not looking. Not fair.

Me:        Okay, Stella, does that sound like lots of fun to you?

Stella:    I’m still not sure what was going on.  But I’m sure I smelled corny dog on Wiggles’ breath when she got back.

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Hey! Do You Want To Fight? – Conversation with Stella, Snoopey, and Tiger

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and…

Snoopey:   GET OUT OF MY FACE!

Tiger:     MAKE ME, LOUD MOUTH!

Stella:    I AM STELLA, QUEEN OF THE OLDE ENGLISH BULLDOGGES, BUT THAT DOESN’T SEEM TO MATTER TO SOME! NOW DID ANYBODY HEAR THAT?

Snoopey:   Tiger got in my face. She’s on my ground. If you are the queen, whatever that means, what are you going to do about it?

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Tiger:     Nothing! She’s not in charge! Do you want to fight? Let’s see who’s really In charge!

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Snoopey:   Whenever you’re ready, b…

Me:        Hold on there! Back off! Tiger, in your crate! Snoopey, in your crate! NOW!

Stella:    Good call, Lady Human. Neutral corners.

Me:        All well and good for the moment, but how do we get past this?

Snoopey:   Hey, Tiger! Do you want to fight? Well, do ya, punk?

Tiger:     Come and get it!

Snoopey:   I so would, but the crate is latched!

Tiger:   Yeah, mine, too! Inconvenient.

Me:        Everybody, calm down!

Snoopey:   I will if she will!

Tiger:   No, I will if she will!

Stella:    I WILL IF THEY BOTH WILL! Why is it so hard to be queen?

Me:   Why are we having this problem again?

Snoopey:   Because Tiger is stupid?

Tiger:     Because Snoopey is selfish?

Stella:    Because low blood sugar! I’m hangry! Treats all around!

Snoopey:   Okay, but me first!

Tiger:     No, me!

Snoopey:   Do you want to fight?

Me:   Now I want to fight. Where are the treats? I need some, too!

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Photo Op – Why Wasn’t It Me? – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, hereby decree that there shall be no more cute photos of Wiggles, who happens to be one of my bulldog subjects, by the way. Why is she getting all the attention?

Me:        Now take it easy, Stella. No one was ignoring you. It’s just that Wiggles found the “window” in the fence and was checking out life on the other side.

Stella:    Well, she looked ridiculous. You should have taken a picture of the other side if you know what I mean. A bulldog’s rear end wiggling but no head visible. Weird.

Me:        She enjoyed seeing what I was up to, though to be honest, there is no way I can make taking out the trash interesting.

Stella:    You see what I mean about Wiggles? She gets all excited about nothing and you all take pictures of her and call her ‘the sweetest dog ever’. Yuck! Sickly sweet! How much more sugar can you put on that?

Me:        Are you jealous?

Stella:    Jealous? Of Wiggles? Sweetest Dog Ever Wiggles who jumps up whenever you speak to her and shapes herself like a half-moon and dances that silly sidestep you call the ‘comma dance’? Hey, my Stella Step is a whole lot more complicated and I don’t see you whipping out your camera for that.

Me:        Sorry. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. You have never much liked it when I start taking pictures of you.

Stella:    And another thing. How smart is it to put you head through a hole in a fence? What if your head gets stuck? That’s a typical Wiggles sort of thing to do. You won’t catch me putting my head in a hole anywhere. Have you ever seen me stick my head through a hole?

Me:        Honestly, now that you mention it, no. Only Wiggles. And Doodlebug.  If Doodlebug can’t find a hole, he’ll make one. In fact, he made that hole in the fence.

Stella:    Exactly. They don’t know what the smart thing is to do with their heads so they do something absurd like stick them through a hole. I guess that’s what gets the photo attention. ‘Oh, look at me. I’m so brilliant. I can stick my head through a hole.’

Me:        I tell you what. I will take some new pictures of you…if you will cooperate.

Stella:    Cooperate? Mmmm…on second thought, that is way too high a price to pay.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.