Fun Times – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human and Wiggles went off together by themselves the other day. I have held my peace in patience UNTIL NOW! Where did you go? What did you do? Why were you gone so long?

Me:        And why is any of this your business?

Stella:    Everything having to do with the Pack is my business. I am the Queen. If someone is having fun, I need to know about it so that I can demand equal fun time for me.

Me:        If you must know, Wiggles and I went to the vet the other day.

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Stella:    Wrong answer! Visits to the vet never take that long.

Me:        They do when the vet is super busy. Wiggles, where did we go in the car?

Wiggles:   To a place I have been before.

Me:        I know. But what happened there?

Wiggles:   Stuff.

Stella:    I know what you were doing. You were eating ice cream and corny dogs.

Me:        Wiggles, were we eating anything?

Wiggles:   No, there was no eating. I kept waiting and then that nice lady said something about a treat and then nothing like that happened and I was sad.

Me:        What did happen?

Wiggles:   One nice lady poked something into my rear end. That was not a treat. And then another nice lady let a bug bite me.

Me:        That was a rabies vaccination.

Wiggles:   She should not have let that bite me.

Me:        It’s not a bug. It’s a shot with a needle.

Wiggles:   She caught me when I was not looking. Not fair.

Me:        Okay, Stella, does that sound like lots of fun to you?

Stella:    I’m still not sure what was going on.  But I’m sure I smelled corny dog on Wiggles’ breath when she got back.

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

What is Jury Duty? Do They Serve Food?

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human awakened us for breakfast at an unreasonable hour this morning. It was still dark. Food is good, but not in the dark. Why, Lady Human, why, oh why?

Me:        Hey, at least you all got to go right back to sleep. I had to catch a train into town so I wouldn’t have to deal with traffic and parking.

Stella:    Why, oh why would you get up and leave in the dark to go someplace  called ‘town’ where you never go?

Me:        Jury duty.

Stella:    Nonsense.

Me:        No, jury duty is a real thing.

Stella:    What I mean is that those are just more human nonsense words. What would drag you out in the middle of the night away from your loving bulldogs?

Me:        It was just a little before sunrise, not the middle of the night. Still…you’re right. Every once in a long, long while, people get a jury summons. Our court system calls us to serve on a jury to judge the facts of a case.

Stella:    As I said, nonsense. Blah, blah, blah.

Me:        Suffice it to say, I had to go downtown. I had no choice. To get there on time, I had to leave ultra-early.

Stella:    So, you did this jury duty nonsense thing?

Me:        I showed up. They didn’t need me so they sent me home.

Stella:    Darn tootin’ they sent you back! How dare they take you away in the first place?

Me:        Humans have responsibilities to other humans. This is one of the more minor ones.

Stella:    Is jury duty fun?

Me:        Mmmmm.

Stella:    No fun. Is there a bunch of food? Do you get fed for going to ‘jury duty’?

Me:        Nope. No food. I took my own sack lunch.

Stella:    No fun. No food. Do you play games?

Me:        Nope. No games. It’s all pretty serious.

Stella:    No fun. No food. No games. Do you make a lot of that stuff you call ‘money’?

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    No fun. No food. No games. No money. Why do it then?

Me:        Duty.

Stella:    I don’t want to know any more. Duty does not sound like a bulldog thing.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Your Idea of Fun Vs. My Idea of Fun – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and today has not been a very fun day and I feel the need to complain.

Me:        Is there ever a time you do not feel the need to complain?

Stella:    Certainly, Lady Human. Whenever I get to have as much fun as you humans do.

Me:        Every day is bulldog fun day.

Stella:    Nope. Today wasn’t. You and Tall Man went and came and came and went. You went somewhere…

Me:        Church.

Stella:    Nope. You were gone way too long for church. I timed you.

Me:        How?

Stella:    With my belly. When breakfast is digested, you get home from church.

Me:        Well, there was a church fellowship today so I stayed longer for that.

Stella:    And what did they have at this thing called a ‘fellowship’?

Me:        Brisket…

Stella:    Meat?

Me:        Yes. And they had sausage…

Stella:    More meat?

Me:        Yes. And bread…

Stella:    More meat?

Me:        No. But they had ice cream treats.

Stella:    And then?

Me:        A bounce house…

Stella:    I like those.

Me:        You have never been in one and they were for the kids. No dogs allowed.

Stella:    No fair! I’ll bet you had fun.

Me:        Yes, I’ll admit I did.

Stella:    Where was my fun today? Boo-hoo-hoo. Nowhere. That’s where.

Me:        All right, what’s your idea of fun?

Stella:    You scratching and rubbing my neck, between my ears, my belly, my back…

Me:        In other words, what we do every day.

Stella:    Yep. You’ve had your fun for the day. Now it’s time for mine.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Stay Away from Political Parties! There is No Popcorn! – Conversations with Stella

Stella:    My Lady Human is exhausted. She has not slept as long or as well as she should have these past few days. Thus, everything she has done for us, the Olde English Bulldogges of Bulldoggy Nation, has been done…well, partially, slowly, and not very well.

Me:        Stella, are you complaining about me?

Stella:    Just giving the facts, only the facts. You stayed up too late the other night with your Political Party nonsense and now everyone is suffering for it. If it was no fun, why did you keep politicaling. It does not sound like a party to me.

Me:        Politicaling? I don’t think that’s a word.

Stella:    It is now. I say so.

Me:        And a political party is not like a fun party.

Stella:    Then why attend?

Me:        I didn’t. It kind of foisted itself on me.

Stella:    Then you tell Mr. Foisted to cut it out. You have bulldogs depending on you and he can keep his Political Party invitations to himself and he had better not come around here anymore or he may find out how bulldogs got their reputation. Nobody messes with my Lady Human!

Me:        Thank you, Stella.

Stella:    That’s right. Our breakfast schedule is too important to be messed up by political partying. Now go to bed and get some sleep and no more politicaling…ever.

Me:        If you say so.

Stella:    If you humans had me as queen, you wouldn’t have to put up with elections and parties would not be a problem. Think about it.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Right Reserved.

 

 

Our Idea of Fun – Stella’s Blog

Hello! I am Stella, Illustrious Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hello! Oh, I already said that, didn’t I? I have so much on my mind these days. All the humans feel tense which makes me feel tense.

It must have something to do with those loud humans on the Picture Box, always talking, talking, talking. Nothing else is wrong. There is food. There are treats. The outside is tolerable. It still could be cooler, but they keep saying that the cool is coming. I think that my humans are gullible. They keep believing what the weather people on the Picture Box tell them.

I think that the Picture Box was invented by cats.

When our humans are too busy to play, we bulldogs find our own fun. We can make a game out of anything. Really! ANYTHING!

A stick? Tasty AND a great toy. I prefer pecan, but mesquite or oak will do in a pinch.

A rock? If it’s big enough, stand on it like one of the human statues. Impressive. Bulldoggy. Only don’t stand there too long. They will try to take your picture with one of their little boxes. If the rock is small, roll it with your nose or kick it with your foot.

And then there are the fun things that my humans leave outside. Wooden gates that are a challenge to dismantle. Great puzzles for bulldog brains. We know how to pick them apart.

The latest toy – a long, long green plastic rope. Lady Human did get upset when she saw the use we made of it. I heard her tell Tall Man “electrical cord” and “at least it was not plugged in”, whatever that means. And he said, “Oh, great.” So at least he saw what a good job we did of chewing it up.

So keep your eyes open, bulldogs and all fellow dogs! Don’t depend on humans for fun. Make your own! Just depend on humans for food, treats, beds, air conditioning, clean ears, clean wrinkles, cool store-bought toys, human-made chew sticks, head pets, massages, manicures, walks, belly rubs, brushing, scratching on your chest and anywhere else you can’t reach, the rare bath (admit it, sometimes we need one), and vet visits (yuck). Have I left anything else out? Well, if I have, just depend on the humans to think of it.

I declare this to be official pre-bedtime nap time. Good night, all dogs everywhere!

Signed, Queen Stella the Illustrious

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.