Property Rights for Dogs – Conversations with Stella

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, am not pleased.

Me:        Uh-oh.

Stella:    If what happened to me had happened to you, you would not be pleased either.

Me:        Okey dokey. If you say so.

Stella:    Puh. Puh. Puh. This is really important! You have to do something!

Me:        It must be for you to be puffing your cheeks out. What is this something that I have to do?

Stella:    Wiggles peed on my sunning spot! Again!

Me:        Well, that’s not so big a deal. We’ll just hose it off.

Stella:    Not good enough! How would you like it if someone peed on your spot?

Me:        Someone has peed on my spot before.

Stella:    Let me guess. Wiggles.

Me:        As a matter of fact, yes.


Stella:    She must be stopped! She is a trespasser! She turns everything into her own private bathroom! What about me? What about my rights? I keep my spot nice and clean. I don’t step on anybody else’s spot. But along comes Wiggles who not only steps on my place but pees on it. PEES ON IT!!!

Me:        It’s not that important…

Stella:    Not important? What if a giant came walking through the neighborhood and said, “Oh, that’s a nice spot” and then peed on our house? Would that be important?

Me:        Yes, but I really think that is unlikely to happen. And we can hose your spot off.

Stella:    Not the point. Property rights for Stella! That is the point! I am filing a claim. I demand that a fence be put up surrounding my sunning spot. A Wiggles-proof zone.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    How are my rights going to be protected without it? Not fair!

Me:        Such is life. We don’t need yet another fence just for your sunning spot. If you see Wiggles starting to use your spot, tell her to get off and use her own.

Stella:    What has the world come to when you can’t get a human to build a simple fence to keep a bulldog from peeing on your special spot? I’ll bet you would build one quick enough to keep humans from trespassing to pee on your property.

Me:        Actually, we already have. Some humans have no manners.



Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.





Bulldog Photo Op – Why Wasn’t It Me? – Conversations with Stella

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, hereby decree that there shall be no more cute photos of Wiggles, who happens to be one of my bulldog subjects, by the way. Why is she getting all the attention?

Me:        Now take it easy, Stella. No one was ignoring you. It’s just that Wiggles found the “window” in the fence and was checking out life on the other side.

Stella:    Well, she looked ridiculous. You should have taken a picture of the other side if you know what I mean. A bulldog’s rear end wiggling but no head visible. Weird.

Me:        She enjoyed seeing what I was up to, though to be honest, there is no way I can make taking out the trash interesting.

Stella:    You see what I mean about Wiggles? She gets all excited about nothing and you all take pictures of her and call her ‘the sweetest dog ever’. Yuck! Sickly sweet! How much more sugar can you put on that?

Me:        Are you jealous?

Stella:    Jealous? Of Wiggles? Sweetest Dog Ever Wiggles who jumps up whenever you speak to her and shapes herself like a half-moon and dances that silly sidestep you call the ‘comma dance’? Hey, my Stella Step is a whole lot more complicated and I don’t see you whipping out your camera for that.

Me:        Sorry. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. You have never much liked it when I start taking pictures of you.

Stella:    And another thing. How smart is it to put you head through a hole in a fence? What if your head gets stuck? That’s a typical Wiggles sort of thing to do. You won’t catch me putting my head in a hole anywhere. Have you ever seen me stick my head through a hole?

Me:        Honestly, now that you mention it, no. Only Wiggles. And Doodlebug.  If Doodlebug can’t find a hole, he’ll make one. In fact, he made that hole in the fence.

Stella:    Exactly. They don’t know what the smart thing is to do with their heads so they do something absurd like stick them through a hole. I guess that’s what gets the photo attention. ‘Oh, look at me. I’m so brilliant. I can stick my head through a hole.’

Me:        I tell you what. I will take some new pictures of you…if you will cooperate.

Stella:    Cooperate? Mmmm…on second thought, that is way too high a price to pay.



Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.