Hey! Do You Want To Fight? – Conversation with Stella, Snoopey, and Tiger

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and…

Snoopey:   GET OUT OF MY FACE!

Tiger:     MAKE ME, LOUD MOUTH!

Stella:    I AM STELLA, QUEEN OF THE OLDE ENGLISH BULLDOGGES, BUT THAT DOESN’T SEEM TO MATTER TO SOME! NOW DID ANYBODY HEAR THAT?

Snoopey:   Tiger got in my face. She’s on my ground. If you are the queen, whatever that means, what are you going to do about it?

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Tiger:     Nothing! She’s not in charge! Do you want to fight? Let’s see who’s really In charge!

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Snoopey:   Whenever you’re ready, b…

Me:        Hold on there! Back off! Tiger, in your crate! Snoopey, in your crate! NOW!

Stella:    Good call, Lady Human. Neutral corners.

Me:        All well and good for the moment, but how do we get past this?

Snoopey:   Hey, Tiger! Do you want to fight? Well, do ya, punk?

Tiger:     Come and get it!

Snoopey:   I so would, but the crate is latched!

Tiger:   Yeah, mine, too! Inconvenient.

Me:        Everybody, calm down!

Snoopey:   I will if she will!

Tiger:   No, I will if she will!

Stella:    I WILL IF THEY BOTH WILL! Why is it so hard to be queen?

Me:   Why are we having this problem again?

Snoopey:   Because Tiger is stupid?

Tiger:     Because Snoopey is selfish?

Stella:    Because low blood sugar! I’m hangry! Treats all around!

Snoopey:   Okay, but me first!

Tiger:     No, me!

Snoopey:   Do you want to fight?

Me:   Now I want to fight. Where are the treats? I need some, too!

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Sisters – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and by the authority invested in me by me, I hereby declare myself to be AN ONLY PUPPY!

Me:        Can that be done?

Stella:    Of course. I just did it.

Snoopey:  I’ve had about enough of this whole queen thing. And you can’t just say you are not something that you are. You are my sister.

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Stella:    No, I’m not.

Snoopey:  Whether you like it or not.

Stella:    I don’t.

Snoopey:  You are just mean.

Me:        Girls! Girls!

Snoopey:  Mean meanie! Mean queen! Mean! Mean! Mean!

Me:        Snoopey, enough!

Snoopey:  Sorry, Lady Human.

Me:        I am an only child and I don’t understand this conflict between sisters.

Snoopey:  Sisters are rude.

Stella:    Sisters are stupid.

Snoopey:  Sisters stink!

Stella:    I know. I’m smelling you right now!

Me:        Enough!

Stella:    Lady Human, you are an only puppy.

Me:        Child.

Stella:    Same thing.

Me:        No, it’s not.

Stella:    Sisters are complicated things.

Me:        Can’t you work together? At least, not fight?

Stella:    What’s the good of having a sister if we can’t fight?

Me:        I’m sorry. I guess I missed the whole point of sisterhood.

Stella:    You are an only puppy, Lady Human. Stick to what you know.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

Leave It Outside – Stella’s Blog

I, Stella McStarFace the First, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, hereby issue this edict:

 To All Olde English Bulldogges within the sound of my voice:

The following shall from henceforth be left outside the house (Personally, I don’t care what you bring in. Lady Human told me I had to talk to you all about this.)

 POOP – No matter how good it smells to you, it smells bad to the humans; therefore, no poop is to be deposited or brought inside. I mean, really? Do I have to say this? My fellow bulldogs, you know that poop belongs outside – always! If you find poop attractive (which to me is unbelievable), go ahead and sniff at it, but DON’T NOT PICK IT UP. LEAVE IT OUTSIDE!

 STICKS – You do not know where that stick has been. It is dead and fell off of a tree. The tree didn’t want it. Why do you? It may contain ants or (yuck!) spiders. The humans have given you tough chew toys. Gratitude, bulldogs! Don’t chew junk when you have better.

 MUD – Wipe your paws on the outdoor step. If the puppy pool is full of water, rinse your feet in there and do not return to the dirty yard before you go inside. Why should your paws prints be all over the floor. I have to walk there, too.

 ROTTEN CHICKEN EGGS – Don’t let the chickens fool you. If the egg were any good, they would not be shoving it in your direction. They are laughing at you, bulldogs. That’s what that cackling sound is.

 PERSONAL CONFLICTS – Lady Human insisted that I address this particular problem. Apparently, this is not something you can carry in your mouth although she says that our mouths are part of the problem. If you don’t like another bulldog, LEAVE IT OUTSIDE! We all have to live together. That means NO FIGHTING! If another bulldog ticks you off, so what? Nobody gets along with everyone else all the time. LEAVE IT OUTSIDE! It would be better for everyone if you just forgot about it and came in the house peaceable, ready to eat, drink, and enjoy toys and treats.

 In conclusion, Lady Human asked that I put this in my edict. It is the Great Creator’s desire that we all live in peace. She says that humans struggle with this as well.

 “Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.” Psalm 34:14 KJV

 “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” Romans 12:18 KJV

Signed, Queen Stella

 

 Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.