“Sing, birdies, sing! My ears are open. My soul sings with you.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Perk Up Your Ears
Singing vs. Howling – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What is that awful noise?
Me: You wouldn’t happen to be referring to my singing, would you?
Doodlebug: Yes, yes. That’s what it is. Mystery solved.
Me: I’m not a great singer, but it’s not that bad.
Sweetie: Let me show you how it’s done, Lady Human. OOWWEEE! HOOOOO!
Me: Now that’s what I call noise.
Sweetie: How dare you? That is the song of my people!
Me: Aren’t singing and howling two different things?
Doodlebug: Not when you do it, Lady Human.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Why Must Humans Sing? – Conversations with Stella
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have complained about this before.
Me: Enlighten me. There are so many things that fall in that category.
Stella: Human singing. I asked for ear plugs to protect against chicken squawking, but they will work against human singing, too. By the way, I have not seen those ear plugs yet. Hint. Hint.
Me: I’m not turning ear plugs over to a bulldog. They would turn into a snack and then a problem.
Stella: How am I to protect my precious cute little ears from human singing then?
Me: Are you complaining about the old musical that is playing right now? Because that is the only human singing going on. I am not singing.
Stella: And for that, Lady Human, we are all grateful. But right now, I mean the humans singing on the Picture Box.
Me: They sing beautifully. How can you not like…?
Stella: Do you have dog ears? Can you hear what we hear? All those high notes assaulting us?
Me: I do like musicals. You can retreat to the other room if the sounds are bothering you.
Stella: Why can’t we just turn it off? Why must humans sing at all?
Me: Music is a gift from the LORD. We should enjoy it. It is part of our lives.
Stella: Life is good. The Great Creator is good. His gifts are good. If you would just tone it down a little bit, especially during nap time.
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Cut the Humans A Little Slack – Conversations with Stella and the Pack
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and I have something to say.
Tiger: You always have something to say.
Snoopey: Yeah, that never seems to be a problem with you.
Tiger: Just with us. We have to listen to you.
Snoopey: For once, AND ONLY ONCE, Tiger and I are in agreement.
Tiger: Don’t worry. It won’t happen again.
Snoopey: Agreed. Oooop!
Stella: Here’s what I have to say! Cut back on the how you pick on the humans! All the criticism and such.
Wiggles: I don’t criticize humans. I like them just fine.
Doodlebug: Yeah, they’re all right. The food is almost always on time and they don’t allow any cat hair in it.
Miss Sweetie: And I like the way Lady Human wipes my neck off after I soak my head in my water bowl. That feels good.
Stella: I’m talking about no criticizing things like the human singing. No barking or, even worse, howling when Lady Human breaks into one of her versions of some old song nobody has ever heard of but her.
Snoopey: I don’t do that.
Tiger: I don’t do that.
Snoopey: Wait. Is that another agreement?
Tiger: I don’t think so.
Snoopey: Good.
Wiggles: I don’t do my howl bark when Lady Human sings. Usually because I’m asleep.
Miss Sweetie: I like Lady Human’s songs. They make no sense, so I don’t have to figure out what she is saying.
Snoopey: Hold on just a bloomin’ minute here. None of us were howling or barking at Lady Human’s singing today. Just you! You howled out.
Stella: Well, I had to say SOMETHING. Did you hear her? I was simply making a public service announcement. “Watch out! Cover your ears! Lady Human is singing!” There. You’re welcome.
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Human Howling – Conversations with Stella
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Will someone please stop the noise? Why do humans howl? They don’t like it when we do it.
Me: Howling? Who’s howling?
Stella: You are. And those humans on the Picture Box. Dreadful. Make it stop.
Me: Those people were singing an old song that I know. I was singing along.
Stella: Lady Human, begging your pardon, but that was not singing. It was howling. I should know. Not that I mind howling. It is a lovely sound when it comes from a dog.
Me: Singing is a whole lot more complicated than howling.
Stella: Says the human.
Me: Says the anybody.
Stella: All I am asking is keep it down. Some of us are trying to sleep.
Me: Let me sing you to sleep.
Stella: Like this? Ooooo…wooooo….owwwww!
Me: No. Not like that. Please…
Stella: As I thought. The only taste humans have is in their mouths.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Human Singing? – Conversations with Stella
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Something is happening that has happened too often before. I think I know what it is, but I have to check. I could be wrong. Lady Human, is everything all right with you?
Me: Sure. Why?
Stella: That sound coming from you.
Me: You don’t like that song?
Stella: Song? I wasn’t sure. It sounded as though you were in distress. We are ready to assist. How can we help?
Me: No help is needed. I was just singing.
Stella: Are you sure that’s what you were doing? It sounded like something unpleasant was going on. Isn’t singing supposed to be pleasing?
Me: Okay. Okay. You don’t like my singing. I get it.
Stella: If you know that, why do you still do it? Do you like to make people and bulldogs unhappy?
Me: No. But when I feel like singing, I let it out. Consider it a form of free speech.
Stella: Ah, free speech. That thing that humans celebrate but deny to bulldogs.
Me: What free speech, pray tell, have you all been denied?
Stella: Stand by. Now hear this. AWWWWGggghh! Rawwwhhhh! Rawwwhhhh! Rawrahhhhh! Wait! Why are you covering your ears?
Me: A little loud, thank you.
Stella: You are welcome.
Me: No, I meant…
Stella: I know. Bulldog singing is beautiful in any language.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Snoring Day – Conversations with Stella
I am Stella, Queen Illustrious and Noble of the Olde English Bulldogges, and I am here today to sing a song that I made up all by myself.
Me: All by yourself?
Stella: Yes, from listening to one of your old boring shows on the Picture Box.
Me: My shows are not boring.
Stella: That is all right, Lady Human. Boring is as boring does. Here is my new song:
We were napping along
On Bulldog Bay
You could hear the bulldogs snoring
They seemed to say..ay..ay
You have taken my bone…
Give it back right away..ay..ay
While we keep snoring on Bulldog Bay.
Me: You didn’t write that song. That tune is from “Moonlight Bay”, an old, old song.
Stella: For old, old humans.
Me: Hey!
Stella: I like old human songs and some old humans, too. Some of them I could do without. But didn’t you like my words?
Me: They were very bulldoggy. Not quite as romantic as the original lyrics.
Stella: My words fit this afternoon’s mood. Napping. Snoring. Snoring. Dreaming of bones. Snoring.
Me: Yeah, there was considerable snoring this afternoon. A low-level roar.
Stella: Best sound ever.
Me: I found it strangely soothing.
Stella: I mean my song. Let me sing it again.
Me: I mean the snoring was strangely soothing.
Stella: I don’t see how. The snoring was out of tune and did not keep time with my singing. Anyway, here goes. New verse: We were snoring along on Bulldog Bay….
Me: It’s going to be a long evening, isn’t it?
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Stella the Bulldog Poet – Conversations with Stella
Hello, humans and dogs (and cats if any are listening or reading, even Moon the Cat). Please allow me to present my musical poem entitled “Bulldog Blues”.
BULLDOG BLUES by Stella the Bulldog Poet
They call us the dogs who are clowns
But our faces are turned down like frowns.
You can make us smile.
Our grins are wide for a while.
But then we get the Bulldog Blues.
Bluuuuuues! Mwahhh! Mwahhh! Grraahhgh!
Bulldog Blues!
The End
How did you like it?
Me: For a bulldog, it is really good.
Stella: For a bulldog?
Me: Well, I mean, you have a short vocabulary compared to humans, but you made a couple of rhymes and it sounds as though you could put it to music.
Stella: That was music. I was singing it. Didn’t you notice? You don’t have a very good ear for music, do you?
Me: I guess I’m used to the human kind.
Stella: I think they could play it where you push those buttons in your rolling box.
Me: The car radio?
Stella: If you say so. I think humans would start singing it, too.
Me: We could, but it won’t mean as much to us as it does to bulldogs.
Stella: Still, it is way better than that boring stuff you play on the car’s music box. All that stuff without words. It’s nice to nap to, but mine is better. And shorter. And louder.
Me: Loud. Now that is one thing we can agree on when it comes to bulldog singing.
Stella: Loud and proud. If you are going to sing, sing like a bulldog. Make sure everyone can hear it.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
No Screeching, Please! – Conversations with Stella
The Olde English Bulldogge known as Stella has a bone to pick with me so we’ll begin our conversation:
Stella: Bone? Where’s a bone?
Me: There is no bone. That’s just a human expression.
Stella: Oh, as usual, humans playing jokes, trying to fool the poor old bulldogs. First dressing up as giant insects, now teasing us with non-existent bones.
Me: Let’s not get into that giant insect thing again. I had hoped that you had forgotten about that.
Stella: A giant insect does not fade from the memory.
Me: Obviously not.
Stella: I thought you had seen one and that is why you were screeching.
Me: Screeching? I haven’t screeched about anything. What are you talking about?
Stella: That horrible, high-pitched noise that was coming out of your mouth this morning. It hurt my ears so much; I wanted to cover them up.
Me: I haven’t been screeching, Stella. I don’t know what you are talking about….unless…I found an old songbook that I had when I was little and I was singing out of it.
Stella: Is a songbook one of those dead flat things that you hold on your lap and stare at and it causes you to pay no attention to us?
Me: Well, yes, that or a regular book or a cell phone or a computer…
Stella: Just because you found an old, dead songbook that you had when you were a puppy is no reason to screech in our ears over it.
Me: Did my singing bother the others, too?
Stella: Who cares? It bothered me.
Me: I am sorry. I do enjoy singing sometimes.
Stella: I enjoy chewing on a good stick sometimes, but I don’t pretend to be one of those humans who…Awwwww, you know, they take sticks and build boxes and stuff.
Me: A carpenter? A craftsman?
Stella: Yeah, those, I guess.
Me: I don’t pretend to be a singer. And as for screechy noises, how about that voice you use that is so high-pitched and ear-splitting.
Stella: You mean the Cat Chasing Song of my people.
Me: Is that what you call it? It’s a bulldog song?
Stella: It tells the bulldogs within ear range that there’s a cat afoot and it’s time to play.
Me: So why are you allowed to sing all screechy and I am not?
Stella: My song serves a purpose; yours, not so much.
Me: Maybe we should both agree to cover our ears when the other one is “singing”.
Stella: Or we can agree that you will sing silently in your head or buy a good recording of your songs. My song must be sung live and aloud. It is a treasured bulldog tradition.
Me: Is that why you keep “singing” when I ask you to stop?
Stella: You wouldn’t want to interfere with a tradition, would you?
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 