Human Singing? – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Something is happening that has happened too often before. I think I know what it is, but I have to check. I could be wrong. Lady Human, is everything all right with you?

Me:        Sure. Why?

Stella:    That sound coming from you.

Me:        You don’t like that song?

Stella:    Song? I wasn’t sure.  It sounded as though you were in distress. We are ready to assist. How can we help?

Me:        No help is needed. I was just singing.

Stella:    Are you sure that’s what you were doing? It sounded like something unpleasant was going on. Isn’t singing supposed to be pleasing?

Me:        Okay. Okay. You don’t like my singing. I get it.

Stella:    If you know that, why do you still do it? Do you like to make people and bulldogs unhappy?

Me:        No. But when I feel like singing, I let it out. Consider it a form of free speech.

Stella:    Ah, free speech. That thing that humans celebrate but deny to bulldogs.

Me:        What free speech, pray tell, have you all been denied?

Stella:    Stand by. Now hear this. AWWWWGggghh! Rawwwhhhh! Rawwwhhhh! Rawrahhhhh! Wait! Why are you covering your ears?

Me:        A little loud, thank you.

Stella:    You are welcome.

Me:        No, I meant…

Stella:    I know. Bulldog singing is beautiful in any language.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Snoring Day – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen Illustrious and Noble of the Olde English Bulldogges, and I am here today to sing a song that I made up all by myself.

Me:        All by yourself?

Stella:    Yes, from listening to one of your old boring shows on the Picture Box.

Me:        My shows are not boring.

Stella:    That is all right, Lady Human. Boring is as boring does. Here is my new song:

We were napping along

On Bulldog Bay

You could hear the bulldogs snoring

They seemed to say..ay..ay

You have taken my bone…

Give it back right away..ay..ay

While we keep snoring on Bulldog Bay.

Me:        You didn’t write that song. That tune is from “Moonlight Bay”, an old, old song.

Stella:    For old, old humans.

Me:        Hey!

Stella:    I like old human songs and some old humans, too. Some of them I could do without. But didn’t you like my words?

Me:        They were very bulldoggy. Not quite as romantic as the original lyrics.

Stella:    My words fit this afternoon’s mood. Napping. Snoring. Snoring. Dreaming of bones. Snoring.

Me:        Yeah, there was considerable snoring this afternoon. A low-level roar.

Stella:    Best sound ever.

Me:        I found it strangely soothing.

Stella:    I mean my song. Let me sing it again.

Me:        I mean the snoring was strangely soothing.

Stella:    I don’t see how. The snoring was out of tune and did not keep time with my singing. Anyway, here goes. New verse:  We were snoring along on Bulldog Bay….

Me:        It’s going to be a long evening, isn’t it?

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Stella the Bulldog Poet – Conversations with Stella

Hello, humans and dogs (and cats if any are listening or reading, even Moon the Cat). Please allow me to present my musical poem entitled “Bulldog Blues”.

BULLDOG BLUES by Stella the Bulldog Poet

They call us the dogs who are clowns

But our faces are turned down like frowns.

You can make us smile.

Our grins are wide for a while.

But then we get the Bulldog Blues.

Bluuuuuues! Mwahhh! Mwahhh! Grraahhgh!

Bulldog Blues!

 

The End

 

How did you like it?

Me:        For a bulldog, it is really good.

Stella:    For a bulldog?

Me:        Well, I mean, you have a short vocabulary compared to humans, but you made a couple of rhymes and it sounds as though you could put it to music.

Stella:    That was music. I was singing it. Didn’t you notice? You don’t have a very good ear for music, do you?

Me:        I guess I’m used to the human kind.

Stella:    I think they could play it where you push those buttons in your rolling box.

Me:        The car radio?

Stella:    If you say so. I think humans would start singing it, too.

Me:        We could, but it won’t mean as much to us as it does to bulldogs.

Stella:    Still, it is way better than that boring stuff you play on the car’s music box. All that stuff without words. It’s nice to nap to, but mine is better. And shorter. And louder.

Me:        Loud. Now that is one thing we can agree on when it comes to bulldog singing.

Stella:    Loud and proud. If you are going to sing, sing like a bulldog. Make sure everyone can hear it.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

No Screeching, Please! – Conversations with Stella

The Olde English Bulldogge known as Stella has a bone to pick with me so we’ll begin our conversation:

Stella:   Bone? Where’s a bone?

Me:        There is no bone. That’s just a human expression.

Stella:   Oh, as usual, humans playing jokes, trying to fool the poor old bulldogs. First dressing up as giant insects, now teasing us with non-existent bones.

Me:        Let’s not get into that giant insect thing again. I had hoped that you had forgotten about that.

Stella:   A giant insect does not fade from the memory.

Me:        Obviously not.

Stella:   I thought you had seen one and that is why you were screeching.

Me:        Screeching? I haven’t screeched about anything. What are you talking about?

Stella:   That horrible, high-pitched noise that was coming out of your mouth this morning. It hurt my ears so much; I wanted to cover them up.

Me:        I haven’t been screeching, Stella. I don’t know what you are talking about….unless…I found an old songbook that I had when I was little and I was singing out of it.

Stella:   Is a songbook one of those dead flat things that you hold on your lap and stare at and it causes you to pay no attention to us?

Me:        Well, yes, that or a regular book or a cell phone or a computer…

Stella:   Just because you found an old, dead songbook that you had when you were a puppy is no reason to screech in our ears over it.

Me:        Did my singing bother the others, too?

Stella:   Who cares? It bothered me.

Me:        I am sorry. I do enjoy singing sometimes.

Stella:   I enjoy chewing on a good stick sometimes, but I don’t pretend to be one of those humans who…Awwwww, you know, they take sticks and build boxes and stuff.

Me:        A carpenter? A craftsman?

Stella:   Yeah, those, I guess.

Me:        I don’t pretend to be a singer. And as for screechy noises, how about that voice you use that is so high-pitched and ear-splitting.

Stella:   You mean the Cat Chasing Song of my people.

Me:        Is that what you call it? It’s a bulldog song?

Stella:   It tells the bulldogs within ear range that there’s a cat afoot and it’s time to play.

Me:        So why are you allowed to sing all screechy and I am not?

Stella:   My song serves a purpose; yours, not so much.

Me:        Maybe we should both agree to cover our ears when the other one is “singing”.

Stella:   Or we can agree that you will sing silently in your head or buy a good recording of your songs. My song must be sung live and aloud. It is a treasured bulldog tradition.

Me:        Is that why you keep “singing” when I ask you to stop?

Stella:   You wouldn’t want to interfere with a tradition, would you?

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.