Reading the Ground – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am strolling around the yard with Lady Human, not doing any business if you know what I mean. We are just checking out spring. What are you staring at?

Me:        You.

Stella:    Yes, I do deserve your undivided attention.

Me:        I like watching how you work your nose.

Stella:    Haven’t you heard? Humans say that bulldogs are not a “working” breed.

Me:        Looks like work to me.

Stella:    I am reading the ground. I think that is how a human would put it. But not the way you read one of those silly things you call a “book” because that would just be weird. You would have to put it on the ground and stick your nose on it and sniff and sniff and leave some nose drool and a nose print on it. I can’t really imagine you doing that.

Me:        So, when you read the ground, what do you learn?

Stella:    Who passed by this way, what they had to eat, whether this is their favorite pee spot. Stuff like that.

Me:        Yeah, you wouldn’t get much out of my books.

Stella:    You mean I wouldn’t be able to tell who had handled it, or who had just eaten pizza or a hamburger or a chicken treat, or who had peed on it?

Me:        I certainly hope not.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Spoiled Humans and Their Toys – Conversations with Stella

Stella:    A box came.

Me:        No introduction this time? No “I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges”?

Stella:    Thank you for handling that for me. A box came.

Me:        Yes.

Stella:    A box came through the door.

Me:        Yes.

Stella:    A box came through the door into the house.

Me:        Yes. This is a wonderful exercise in sentence building.

Stella:    What is a sentence?

Me:        Never mind.

Stella:    The box. Was the box for me?

Me:        No.

Stella:    Did the box have toys for me?

Me:        No.

Stella:    Did the box have treats for me?

Me:        No.

Stella:    Did the box have food for me?

Me:        No.

Stella:    Oh, no! Did the box have an undignified costume for me? Like a pumpkin?

Me:        I like bulldogs dressed as pumpkins. And ballerinas. And cowboys. And…

Stella:    No! I knew it! Where can I hide until costume season is over? Couch? No, can’t fit under there. Behind the Picture Box? No, not enough room back there.

Me:        The box is not for you.

Stella:    For Tiger then? She’s always wanted to be a ballerina.

Me:        The box was for me. It was a new laptop computer. My old one died.

Stella:    Died? I am so sorry, Lady Human. You may pet my head if it will make you feel better.

Me:        It was not a living creature. It was a machine. When I say it ‘died’, it stopped working and was not worth fixing.

Stella:    It was a toy like the ones we shredded last year. No fun, no more.

Me:        It’s a toy and it’s a tool.

Stella:    Humans have lots of toys and tools. Your hands are always doing things I don’t understand. You spend too much time playing with them. I think I should take some of them away. When the next box comes, that will be mine. You don’t need any more toys. You are spoiled.

Me:        I am spoiled?

Stella:    Yes. I saw those plush pajama pants you brought home. You can’t fool me. Those are for you, not for me.

Me:        They would not fit you.

Stella:    Are you saying that I am too fat? How rude!

Me:        No, I am saying that they are made for humans and that’s me. You may be disappointed with the next box that shows up. It will have books in it. Are you planning to learn to read?

Stella:    Books? You mean those things you hold in your lap and stare at hour after hour? I’ll take them. They look delicious.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.