You Call That a Crown? – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, supposedly Illustrious, supposedly Noble, have been humiliated.

Me:        I’m sorry, Stella. I truly am. I thought it was funny and you would like it.

Stella:    What is that monstrous thing that you put on my head?

Me:        A lady at a big pet supply store gave it to me around Christmas time. It was part of a promotion they were running.

Stella:    What you mean is that they were trying to make money from making dogs look stupid.

Me:        They just want people to have fun with their pets. It was too small for your big bulldoggy head. I had to sew an elastic extension so it would fit…

Stella:    Excuses! Excuses! ‘There is no crown, Stella, but look, I brought you a weird, stupid fuzzy thing to wear on your head and I even had to spend time sewing on it. Hahaha! Merry Christmas! And it’s not even Christmas time anymore.’

Me:        All right, I get it. It wasn’t funny to you. Wiggles liked it. She tried to steal it this afternoon.

Stella:    Yeah, Wiggles would. Well, no matter what Wiggles’ tastes in headgear are, I think it stinks and not in that good smelly way that dogs enjoy. And now I am going to have to wipe my face with my paws to get rid of the memory of that fuzzy thing being on my royal head.

Me:        I am sorry, Stella. No more weird fuzzy things on your head. I promise. And I will still come up with a crown for you.

Stella:    Yes, regarding crowns, I have a list of No’s: No fuzz! No pink – it is fine for crowns on little human girls, but not bulldog queens. No long dangly things unless they are legitimate chew sticks. No chin straps…

Me:        But how are we going to keep it on without…

Stella:    NO CHIN STRAPS! MY CROWN, MY RULES!

Me:        You need a nap.

Stella:    I wouldn’t need one if SOMEONE I know had not tried to make me wear a fuzzy pointy thing on my head. Now, good evening. I’m going to take a nap.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J Hill All Rights Reserved.

What Is That Ugly Thing on Your Head? – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Lady Human, hold very still. There is something on your head and I think it is alive.

Me:        Hello to you, too, Stella. There is nothing alive on my head, but thank you for caring. And staring.

Stella:    No, really, Lady Human. Don’t move! The thing on your head is fuzzy and wiggling. I think it is trying to eat your head. Here. Just bend down and let…me…hit…it…with my big paw.

Me:        I am not about to bend down so you can slap my head with your paw.

Stella:    But if I don’t get it now, it may be too late! What about your brain? You need your brain!

Me:        I am wearing an old knit cap from when I was in college many years ago. Tall Man found it today while we were cleaning out. It’s in good shape after all this time, don’t you think?

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Stella:    No, I think not.

Me:        Aw, Stella, it was perfect timing. This is the first weekend that the weather has been cool enough to even consider wearing a knit hat. I think it looks good, sort of.

Stella:    No, I think not.

Me:        Are you a fashion critic now?

Stella:    I am a dog. If I am staring at something on your head, that means you have something weird on your head. Enough said. I still think it’s alive. Did you look inside to make sure a creature had not taken up residence before you simply plopped it on your head?

Me:        Of course, I did.

Stella:    Better check again.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    There is a fuzzy round knob on top. It is shaking. Lady Human! There may be a squirrel living in it. It would be just like a squirrel to sneak into a human’s hat.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    Even if it is empty, there is another great reason to take it off.

Me:        What?

Stella:    It’s ugly.

Me:        A matter of opinion.

Stella:    Aren’t we supposed to love others?

Me:        Yes.

Stella:    THEN DON’T WEAR UGLY THINGS THAT OTHERS HAVE TO LOOK AT!

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Never Wear a Cat on Your Head – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, the Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, here to share my royal thoughts with you again.

Me:        Royal thoughts? Really? Is that what they are?

Stella:    I am a queen, thus my thoughts are royal.  Do you envy me?

Me:        No, I’m fine with being a human commoner.

Stella:    Why were you letting the cat sit on your head today?

Me:        What are you talking about? The cat did not sit on my head today or any other day.

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Stella:    I saw her. You were wearing her like a hat.

Me:        No, no, no. She was lying down on the top of my easy chair above my head. From where you sat, it probably looked as though she was on top of my head, but I do not wear cats as hats.

Stella:    She thought she was your hat. I saw her slap your face with her tail more than once.

Me:        That was funny.

Stella:    Cats are never funny. Odd.  Weird. Catlike. Sinister. But never funny. I would not let a cat slap me in the face with her tail, not even once. They get ideas. What if she decided she belonged there? What if she decided that she lived there?They think they are in charge of things. No cat would ever dare to be in charge of a bulldog, I tell you what.

Me:        I have no doubt, Stella.

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do I Look Foolish?

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Stella doesn’t really need to wear a hat to look nice. Truth be told, she did not choose her hat. I found it among some old doll clothing that my daughters left behind when they grew up. I just had to try it on Stella. She humored me and let it stay on her head for, oh, about thirty seconds. A bulldog in a purple church lady hat with flowers and a veil, no less. She even knew better than that. So much for foolishness.

Foolishness. We try to steer clear of it whether in ourselves or others. Not the kind of foolishness that makes us smile or laugh, but the kind that ends up hurting us and others. Once introduced into a group of people, foolishness spreads like a virus. It invades conversations and opinions and the only vaccination against it is a good shot of wisdom. If foolishness is allowed to flourish, like a virus, it will pop up in a totally unexpected place.

People must really enjoy foolishness. We do so love to spread it. Just take a gander at social media.

The Bible teaches us not to be fools, but God can and does use foolish things. (I am glad He does, otherwise, I wouldn’t get much use at all.) “…the foolishness of God is wiser than men…” (1 Corinthians 1:25 KJV) When I account myself wise, knowledgeable, on top of things, and self-sufficient, WATCH OUT! He comes with something foolish to show me just how unwise, ignorant, unsuccessful, and lacking I am without Him. And that is good news. He doesn’t leave me stuck in my own mud pit, believing my own nonsense.

He introduced me to bulldogs – silly, foolish, barrel-bodied bulldogs. A few of the things that they have shown me are:

  1. I can physically handle 50-60 pound dogs with the temperaments and pulling power of tiny bulldozers,
  2. Not everything important has to have a paycheck attached to it,
  3. Sometimes you have to spend a little money and that is not a bad thing if it improves your own life or the life of another, and
  4. Laughter is free.

Not foolish at all.

 

©2016  H.J. Hill  All Rights Reserved.