I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, supposedly Illustrious, supposedly Noble, have been humiliated.
Me: I’m sorry, Stella. I truly am. I thought it was funny and you would like it.
Stella: What is that monstrous thing that you put on my head?
Me: A lady at a big pet supply store gave it to me around Christmas time. It was part of a promotion they were running.
Stella: What you mean is that they were trying to make money from making dogs look stupid.
Me: They just want people to have fun with their pets. It was too small for your big bulldoggy head. I had to sew an elastic extension so it would fit…
Stella: Excuses! Excuses! ‘There is no crown, Stella, but look, I brought you a weird, stupid fuzzy thing to wear on your head and I even had to spend time sewing on it. Hahaha! Merry Christmas! And it’s not even Christmas time anymore.’
Me: All right, I get it. It wasn’t funny to you. Wiggles liked it. She tried to steal it this afternoon.
Stella: Yeah, Wiggles would. Well, no matter what Wiggles’ tastes in headgear are, I think it stinks and not in that good smelly way that dogs enjoy. And now I am going to have to wipe my face with my paws to get rid of the memory of that fuzzy thing being on my royal head.
Me: I am sorry, Stella. No more weird fuzzy things on your head. I promise. And I will still come up with a crown for you.
Stella: Yes, regarding crowns, I have a list of No’s: No fuzz! No pink – it is fine for crowns on little human girls, but not bulldog queens. No long dangly things unless they are legitimate chew sticks. No chin straps…
Me: But how are we going to keep it on without…
Stella: NO CHIN STRAPS! MY CROWN, MY RULES!
Me: You need a nap.
Stella: I wouldn’t need one if SOMEONE I know had not tried to make me wear a fuzzy pointy thing on my head. Now, good evening. I’m going to take a nap.
Copyright 2017 H.J Hill All Rights Reserved.