Hello! I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, even the ones who are not Illustrious or Noble, hereby post my latest List of Offenders. It has been quite a while since I listed offenders, not because there have been no offenders. There have been plenty. I have a lot of catching up to do.
In order of offensiveness,
Offender #1: Miss Sweetie – She is still a teenager and, as such, does not know how to control her barking. She believes that she must comment on everything, no matter how unimportant. I think that she loves the sound of her own voice. I do not.
Transcriptionist: Stella, that’s mean! I thought you loved Sweetie.
Stella: Of course, I love her. That’s beside the point. She talks too much. So do you, Transcriptionist. Silence!
Transcriptionist: I know who I would elect as Offender #1 and it’s not Miss Sweetie.
Stella: Offender #2 – Lady Human who, although she is a human, does not know what the word ‘Silence’ means.
Transcriptionist: Oh, I know what it means. I don’t acknowledge the right of a bulldog to use it to me.
Stella: Wrong again, Lady Human. Not just any bulldog. A bulldog queen. Now where was I? Oh, yes. Offender #3 – Snoopey. Whiney, whiney, whiney. ‘Where is this? Where is that? I’m bored. I’m tired. I’m hungry. I’m not hungry. I have gas.’ On and on and on. Hey, you get to sleep in Lady Human’s bed at night. How cool is that? What is that you are doing now? Facing the wall and pouting? Pout away. See my paws over my ears. Not listening…
Moving along. Offender #4 – Jerky McSquirrelyFace.
Transcriptionist: So your arch nemesis is worthy of a mention on the List?
Stella: No! But he is still an offender though I refuse to honor him with his own list.
Transcriptionist: And what has he done to earn his place on the List?
Stella: What hasn’t he done? You know, don’t you, that he uses the toilet in our yard? OUR YARD. That is our toilet and no one else’s. And then there’s all that tail flicking. Enough! The queen is tired. The List of Offenders could go on and on.
Transcriptionist: Would your name end up on there eventually?
Stella: Of course. Mine is the most important name on any list. I learned that from watching humans.
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