I am Stella, Queen Illustrious of the Olde English Bulldogges, but I don’t get no respect. No respect at all.
Me: You mean you don’t get any respect.
Stella: See! Even you know it.
Me: Why do you think you aren’t respected?
Stella: Look at the top of my head. Vacant! Do you see a crown, Lady Human? I will answer that. NO! No crown! A crown-less queen!
Me: Okay, well…
Stella: Another thing. I saw Jerky the Squirrel in the yard today.
Me: That’s not unusual. He is normally around. The only time he leaves our place is when he runs to somebody else’s place to hunt pecans and acorns there. He and his friends have pretty much cleaned us over. The pickin’s are lean.
Stella: Jerky McSquirrelyFace searching for a few stray acorns was not the problem. Guess where he was.
Me: In the backyard. I saw him.
Stella: Where in the backyard, Lady Human?
Me: Under the red oak tree.
Stella: UNDER the red oak tree! Not on the red oak tree. Not up in the branches of the red oak tree. On the ground! Of all the nerve! There we were, human and bulldogs, and he didn’t even have the decency to jump on a tree trunk. He didn’t even have the decency to pretend that he was afraid of us. No respect! I warned you, didn’t I? He has been taunting us since summer.
He doesn’t know who he’s dealing with. Flying Stella, Squirrel Fighter and Cat Catcher.
Me: You don’t have to worry about flying since he’s running on the ground.
Stella: He still jumps on tree trunks and branches and fences. He is such a little cheater.
Me: Jerky is a wild animal. He is pretty much going where he wants to. Put yourself in his place. He must be able to retreat.
Stella: What about us? Where can we go to get away from him?
Me: Inside the house. He’s not allowed in there.
Stella: No, he isn’t, is he? The house is still my kingdom. My ever-shrinking kingdom. Lady Human, we need a bigger house.
Stella: A great big house with lots of rooms where no squirrels will ever be allowed.
Me: Well, no squirrels will ever be allowed in our medium-sized house so…
Stella: And the great big house will be my squirrel-less kingdom.
Me: How about I work harder on getting you that crown you’ve been wanting?
Stella: Okay. Fair trade.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.