My Job Is To Stay With You – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I sleep in Lady Human’s room, in her bed and in my special space by her bed. It is soft and comfortable and, since she stopped stinking up her room with the smelly mist machine, it has been enjoyable.

Me:        I like my essential oil diffuser.

Stella:    I don’t, so not important. What I like best of all is that for a few weeks now, she lets me return to the room after the morning break, and I rest, and nap and she reads stuff and answers something that humans call “email”. Humans are always making up new words for unimportant stuff.

Me:        Well, at some point each day, we must exit my room and emerge into the larger world.

Stella:    Why?

Me:        There are things to do.

Stella:    What?

Me:        Stuff. Like washing dishes and clothes. Like running errands including buying dog food and treats. Important stuff.

Stella:    It can wait.

Me:        You would wait for food and treats? I don’t think so.

Stella:    I want to stay with you. I want to lie in bed and stretch and snore. The others can wait. They are fine. And you will always have food for us. Let’s stay in your room.  Let’s just live there.

Me:        It won’t work for long, Stella. Things have to be done to keep things running smoothly.

Stella:    Let others take care of that. Tall Man. He can do the shopping. Tiger can take care of the pack.

Me:        That means you won’t be the queen anymore.

Stella:    Huh?

Me:        Well, if you are going to live in my room and only come out to use the bathroom, somebody else will have to take over.

Stella:    But I am the Queen. No one else can be the Queen.

Me:        Queens have jobs to do.

Stella:    Why can’t my job be to sleep in on your softy bed all day? That seems to be my perfect job description.

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Humans Do Have Good Taste, Sometimes – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, royal, majestic, noble, and Illustrious!

Me:        You really shouldn’t capitalize words in the middle of a sentence.

Stella:    I did not capitalize any word. You did.

Me:        Well, technically, but I am following your lead. ‘Illustrious’ should start with a lower-case letter.

Stella:    Another bizarre human custom, Lady Human. I choose to ignore it. Before I was so rudely interrupted, I was about to pay humans a compliment. Now I’m not so sure I will.

Me:        Awww, come on, Stella. It’s not often that you pay us a compliment. I would hate to miss it.

Stella:    Mmmm, all right, you talked me into it. Humans have the best beds. Humans are experts in laziness and really know how to put together the finest in sleeping spaces. If humans weren’t so lazy, they probably would never have come up with the idea of a mattress or a pillow mattress topper.

Me:        Is this because I ended up with a second mattress topper?

Stella:    Of course. Your bed was okay before, but now…now I can sink into it and leave the world behind.

Me:        That sounds wonderful. I wish I could.

Stella:    Lady Human, you have the most wonderful bed ever.

Me:        Then why aren’t you interested in sleeping on it?

Stella:    Too smelly!

Me:        What!

Stella:    Not an insult, Lady Human. I’m sure all those smells are scents that humans find pleasant, but they are not bulldoggy enough for me.

Me:        Snoopey sure doesn’t seem to mind.

Stella:    Snoopey is honored to share your sleeping space and would not dare to speak against your human candles and oils and… well, they may overwhelm her nose, but she probably just buries her head in the covers and ignores them. I, on the other hand, am too much of a connoisseur of bulldog scents to pretend that I like…human things.

Me:        I see.

Stella:    Don’t get me wrong. Your human bed is luxurious. The soft sheet, the soft covers, the cushy mattress toppers and it doesn’t stink…much. But the stink is the sort of thing that humans prefer. I tend toward a doggier smell. Which gives me an idea. You can make me a crate-sized bed just like your wonderful bed, except without the human sweet scents that are so offensive.

Me:        That’s what we humans call a ‘backhanded compliment’.

Stella:    ‘Back pawed’ would be more accurate.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bed Jumping – Pros & Cons- Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Illustrious Olde English Bulldogges (which makes me Illustrious as well). Happy Calendar Change or, as the humans keep saying, Happy New Year!

I am weighing the benefits of accepting Lady Human’s invitation to jump on her bed.

Me:        Well, not just to jump on the bed. I thought you could share it sometimes. Not you and Snoopey at the same time. It is a twin bed so there’s not enough space for 79.4 lb. Snoopey and 51 lb. you and how ever much I weigh me.

Stella:    How much do you weigh?

Me:        Next subject, please.

Stella:    Okay. Reason for jumping on your bed #1 – I get to spend more time with you.

Me:        That’s sweet, Stella.

Stella:    Reason for not jumping on your bed #1 – Stinky, perfumey room.

Me:        Well, you can’t have everything.

Stella:    Reason for jumping on your bed #2 – I get to spend more time with you.

Me:        I like that reason.

Stella:    Reason for not jumping on your bed #2 – I would have to leave my crate and bed unguarded. I worry about what might happen to Mr. Long Blue Squishy Hound, Mr. Rhinoceros, Mr. Christmas Tree Puppy, Mr. Yellow Chicken, Mr. Green Gator…

Me:        I get the idea.

Stella:    I haven’t finished the list of my stuffies yet.

Me:        Yes, you have. We understand. Bed. Stuffies. Worried.

Stella:    That’s it! I can’t leave them, Lady Human! Who will take care of them if they have a nightmare in the dark? What if Miss Sweetie tries to make off with them into the outside world? No, I appreciate the invitation. I will take you up on it during the day, but my stuffies need me at night, so no bed jumping then. Snoopey will have your whole bed to herself.

Me:        She usually does.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.