The Great Stuffie Experiment UPDATE ALERT – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. THIS IS AN URGENT UPDATE ALERT. Lady Human’s efforts to make an indestructible bulldog toy have FAILED! What a terrible disaster!

Me:        Not terrible, not a disaster, and not failed. I haven’t given up yet. Here is our current progress toward the indestructible bulldog stuffie toy.

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Stella:    That looks horrible! Why did you put holes in it when you made it?

Me:        I didn’t. She tore those after only 15 minutes of constant bulldog attention.

Stella:    Please put the poor stuffed toy out of its misery.

Me:        Actually, I am going to cut a shell a little larger but in the same shape to add an extra layer. That will make 3 layers of fabric with the same amount of stuffing. She has not yet busted a seam, just torn the material. Of course, she only had it for a few minutes.

Stella:    Putting an extra layer on will make it bigger?

Me:        Yes, a little.

Stella:    And if she tears a hole in that?

Me:        I may try a fourth layer.

Stella:    And then another. And another. And so, it keeps growing larger and larger and larger. And suddenly, there will be no room in the house. The stuffie toy will take over and we will have to move into the yard!

Me:        Stella.

Stella:    And Sweetie won’t be able to fit it into her mouth, so she will start chewing up other things. Like the fence, and then all the animals of the creek will come running in and squirrels…SQUIRRELS OVERRUNNING US!

Me:        Stella! Stop! Your overactive imagination is what’s overrunning us. We have talked about this before. Calm down.

Stella:    Calm? How can I be calm when you are creating stuffed animals that will take over the world?

Me:        I can tell that it’s going to be a long week.

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Great Stuffie Experiment – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and a collector of stuffed animals just like Lady Human. Today, Lady Human presented Miss Sweetie with a replacement for her late stuffed chicken toy, may it rest in peace.

Me:        I would have had it to her yesterday, but I messed it up and had to turn it inside out and restuff it.

Stella:    Why did you mess it up?

Me:        I didn’t try to. I was watching a TV show…

Stella:    Wait. Were you watching a nighttime movie without us?

Me:        Not then. That came later.

Stella:    I knew it. So you messed up Miss Sweetie new stuffie because you were paying attention to the silly Picture Box. I told you that the Picture Box was a menace.

Me:        You look at it all the time. Sometimes you seem to like it.

Stella:    What do I know? I am a dog.

Me:        Well, here goes. Hey, Sweetie!

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Stella:    She loves it. Look at her go.

Me:        The main thing is that she not be able to eat it.

Miss Sweetie:    Is this my chickee? It doesn’t look like my chickee. It doesn’t smell like my chickee.

Me:        No, this is a new toy. Do you like it?

Miss Sweetie:    Gumm…yumm…nyawgh. It is not my chickee, but it is soft. I think it likes me.

Me:        We will watch to make sure the seams don’t come undone. The stuffing is the same material as the shell. No more fiber stuffing for Sweetie.

Stella:    Oh, look. Sweetie just found more stuffing in the couch.

Me:        Sweetie! No! Where is your new stuffie? Don’t you like it?

Miss Sweetie:    I like him fine. He is taking a nap while I chew on the couch.

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

How Do You Replace a Beloved Stuffie? – Conversations with Stella

Stella:    Whatcha doin’?

Me:        Hello, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Stella:    Don’t change the subject. Whatcha doin’?

Me:        Nothin’.

Stella:    All right. I asked politely. I am a dog, but I am not stupid. It is obvious that you are doing something. You have cloth on your lap and it is not clothing, or a blanket, or a napkin. So now I am demanding an answer as your queen…

Me:        MY Queen?

Stella:    What are you doing?

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Me:        I am attempting the impossible. I bought material today to put together an indestructible bulldog toy to replace Miss Sweetie’s stuffed chicken…Stella? Stella?

Stella:    Hahahahahaha! Wait…I am catching my breath…Hahahahahahahahaha!

Me:        Don’t you see that it would be better for her to have a soft toy she will like but will not be able to pull apart and swallow?

Stella:    Yes. Hahahahahahahaha! Indestructible and bulldog never fit in the same sentence. How many years do you plan on devoting to this impossible task?

Me:        Not years. A few days, off and on when I have time.

Stella:    Days? Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Me:        Well, thank you for your support.

Stella:    You are welcome. I have all kinds of plans for how you should spend your time. First, buy me treats.

Me:        You have treats.

Stella:    I need more. Second, feed me my treats.

Me:        Takes a couple of seconds, that’s it.

Stella:    Third, scratch me and massage my shoulders until I say ‘stop’.

Me:        Which is one word that you will never say, so pretty much the rest of our lives.

Stella:    What’s the problem? It’s more fun than sewing some toy for Sweetie that she is going to destroy in a few minutes, isn’t it?

Me:        Mmmm. I’m going to have to think about that. Still, I bought all this fabric…

Stella:    I’ve been wanting a hoodie for cold weather camping.

Me:        Mmmm. 5 months or so. That might just about give me enough time. But Sweetie is without her toy. I feel sorry for her.

Stella:    Never feel sorry for a spoiled bulldog. They will control you forever. Now, scratch my belly!

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

Bed Jumping – Pros & Cons- Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Illustrious Olde English Bulldogges (which makes me Illustrious as well). Happy Calendar Change or, as the humans keep saying, Happy New Year!

I am weighing the benefits of accepting Lady Human’s invitation to jump on her bed.

Me:        Well, not just to jump on the bed. I thought you could share it sometimes. Not you and Snoopey at the same time. It is a twin bed so there’s not enough space for 79.4 lb. Snoopey and 51 lb. you and how ever much I weigh me.

Stella:    How much do you weigh?

Me:        Next subject, please.

Stella:    Okay. Reason for jumping on your bed #1 – I get to spend more time with you.

Me:        That’s sweet, Stella.

Stella:    Reason for not jumping on your bed #1 – Stinky, perfumey room.

Me:        Well, you can’t have everything.

Stella:    Reason for jumping on your bed #2 – I get to spend more time with you.

Me:        I like that reason.

Stella:    Reason for not jumping on your bed #2 – I would have to leave my crate and bed unguarded. I worry about what might happen to Mr. Long Blue Squishy Hound, Mr. Rhinoceros, Mr. Christmas Tree Puppy, Mr. Yellow Chicken, Mr. Green Gator…

Me:        I get the idea.

Stella:    I haven’t finished the list of my stuffies yet.

Me:        Yes, you have. We understand. Bed. Stuffies. Worried.

Stella:    That’s it! I can’t leave them, Lady Human! Who will take care of them if they have a nightmare in the dark? What if Miss Sweetie tries to make off with them into the outside world? No, I appreciate the invitation. I will take you up on it during the day, but my stuffies need me at night, so no bed jumping then. Snoopey will have your whole bed to herself.

Me:        She usually does.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.