Dangerous Phrases – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Humans are the silliest creatures I know, sillier even than squirrels and that is saying a lot.

Me:        Why are we silly now?

Stella:    I heard what you said earlier.

Me:        I said a lot of things earlier. Nobody listened.

Stella:    You said one thing that everybody heard.

Me:        Oh, yeah. But that was just gibberish.

Stella:    Don’t call Bulldoggese gibberish!

Me:        I said, “Wah! Wah! Waaahhh!” It was a joke.

Stella:    And did you see what happened when you said it?

Me:        Wiggles, Snoopey, and Miss Sweetie jumped to their feet. Do you mean…

Stella:    They heard, “Get up!” So, they got up.

Me:        But you, Doodlebug, and Tiger didn’t move. You didn’t bat an eye.

Stella:    I batted an eye. I just didn’t get up. I didn’t want to.

Me:        Bulldoggy.

Stella:    Always.

Me:        I didn’t know what I was saying. I was just making a funny noise.

Stella:    Be careful of your funny noises, Lady Human. In Bulldoggese, you may be telling us to take over your human kingdom.

Me:        But you wouldn’t try to do that, would you?

Stella:   Mmmm.

Me:        Stella?

Stella:    Hmmm.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Mine! Mine! Mine! – Conversations with Stella

Hello! I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, et cetera.

Me:        Hello, what?

Stella:    It means ‘and so forth and so on’.

Me:        I know what it means. Where did you learn that?

Stella:    The Picture Box had a bald man inside and he said it again and again. I liked the way he made it sound, so I claimed it. It is now mine.

Me:        I think you must have seen Yul Brynner. He was an actor.

Stella:    Well, he surely knew how to say ‘et cetera’. But that phrase is mine now.

Me:        You can’t just claim a phrase that everybody uses…

Stella:    Yes, I can. Mine. See! That simple.

Me:        You can’t declare some common words to be yours…

Stella:    Mine! Done!

Me:        You can say it all you wish, but you can’t keep others from saying it.

Stella:    Yes, I can!

Me:        Why?

Stella:    Because, you know…Queen. You have a short memory, Lady Human.

Me:        Oh, Stella.

Stella:    That’s my name. I claim that, too. Mine! Nobody else can be Stella.

Me:        I believe that there are a lot of Stellas out there who would dispute that.

Stella:    Dispute. Okay. That’s mine, too. Claimed! Done!

Me:        Language is to be shared, not hoarded.

Stella:    Not anymore. It’s mine, all mine. Except for some words that I don’t like. For example, the word “no”, the word “stop”, the word “down”, the word “enough”. There are others that I don’t favor, but I don’t remember all of them. For now, I am not claiming these. I am freezing them so that they cannot be used against me.

Me:        I think this queen thing has gone to your head.

Stella:    Being queen is not a thing. It is me. Who I am. After all, someone has to be in charge. And the humans don’t seem to be. Therefore, MINE!

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

What Kind of Accent is That? – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella.

Me:        No “Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges” this time?

Stella:    It goes without saying, though I will probably have to keep on saying it to remind everyone. Humans and bulldogs forget so easily.

Me:        What is the issue of the day?

Stella:    You talk funny.

Me:        I beg your pardon?

Stella:    Okay, I pardon you, but you still talk funny. And Tall Man does, too. You don’t sound like a lot of the people on television. I love television. Except for those weird black and white pictures of old humans from a long time ago. Scary. Humans can be ugly.

Me:        Yes, we can be, in more ways than one.

Stella:    So you should not take so many pictures of yourselves. Really scary.

Me:        Okay, thank you for pointing that out again, Stella. What about this talking funny business?

Stella:    Different humans sound different. And now I notice that different dogs sound different.

Me:        Different dogs?

Stella:    There was that dog I met who said he was from Co-lom-bee-yah. What the freak is that?

Me:        Don’t say ‘freak’, Stella. There is more than enough real cussing and fake cussing as it is in the world without bulldogs adding to it.

Stella:    Well, Mr. Co-lom-bee-yah did not understand the word ‘freak’ either. He did not understand anything that I said and I was speaking very plainly. So I want to know why I can understand some humans and some dogs and can’t understand others. Their words sound strange.

Me:        Are you telling me that dogs have different languages and accents the same way humans do?

Stella:    What? I don’t understand.

Me:        The way we pronounce words, the way we say them has to do with accents. The words we say are language. I am speaking English right now.

Stella:    What? Is English that ‘blah, blah, blah, blah” that we hear from you so often?

Me:        Oh, mercy.

Stella:    Now that sounds like that other dog I met, the one from Fran-sah. She said mer-see, mer-see, mer-see all the time. But it still didn’t sound like what you said.

Me:        Where are you meeting all these dogs from other countries?

Stella:    When I am just walking along, minding my own business. They shout at me. I wish I could answer them, but I don’t understand what they are saying. So I just say, What? It is my question for all dogs.

Me:        I had no idea that that is what we were hearing. I thought all dogs understood each other.

Stella:    If we did, we might not have so many fights.

Me:        You know what. That could be true of humans, too.

Stella:    We really need to write those human and dog dictionaries. It might straighten a bunch of problems out.

Me:        Or cause more.

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.