I am Stella.
Me: No “Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges” this time?
Stella: It goes without saying, though I will probably have to keep on saying it to remind everyone. Humans and bulldogs forget so easily.
Me: What is the issue of the day?
Stella: You talk funny.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Stella: Okay, I pardon you, but you still talk funny. And Tall Man does, too. You don’t sound like a lot of the people on television. I love television. Except for those weird black and white pictures of old humans from a long time ago. Scary. Humans can be ugly.
Me: Yes, we can be, in more ways than one.
Stella: So you should not take so many pictures of yourselves. Really scary.
Me: Okay, thank you for pointing that out again, Stella. What about this talking funny business?
Stella: Different humans sound different. And now I notice that different dogs sound different.
Me: Different dogs?
Stella: There was that dog I met who said he was from Co-lom-bee-yah. What the freak is that?
Me: Don’t say ‘freak’, Stella. There is more than enough real cussing and fake cussing as it is in the world without bulldogs adding to it.
Stella: Well, Mr. Co-lom-bee-yah did not understand the word ‘freak’ either. He did not understand anything that I said and I was speaking very plainly. So I want to know why I can understand some humans and some dogs and can’t understand others. Their words sound strange.
Me: Are you telling me that dogs have different languages and accents the same way humans do?
Stella: What? I don’t understand.
Me: The way we pronounce words, the way we say them has to do with accents. The words we say are language. I am speaking English right now.
Stella: What? Is English that ‘blah, blah, blah, blah” that we hear from you so often?
Me: Oh, mercy.
Stella: Now that sounds like that other dog I met, the one from Fran-sah. She said mer-see, mer-see, mer-see all the time. But it still didn’t sound like what you said.
Me: Where are you meeting all these dogs from other countries?
Stella: When I am just walking along, minding my own business. They shout at me. I wish I could answer them, but I don’t understand what they are saying. So I just say, What? It is my question for all dogs.
Me: I had no idea that that is what we were hearing. I thought all dogs understood each other.
Stella: If we did, we might not have so many fights.
Me: You know what. That could be true of humans, too.
Stella: We really need to write those human and dog dictionaries. It might straighten a bunch of problems out.
Me: Or cause more.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.