The Secrets of Secret Friends – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Lady Human! Shhhh!

Me: Why are you whispering? What’s wrong?

Stella: Shhh! Wrong? Something is very, very wrong.

Me: Wait a minute. I have to let Tiger out to potty.

Stella: No! Wait!

Tiger: Charge!

Snoopey: Get away! Get away!

Me: What is going on here? Tiger, get back!

Moon the Cat: Meow.

Me: Wait! Moon, where are you?

Moon the Cat: Meow.


Stella: Ask a rational question and get a cat answer.

Me: What? What are you doing in Snoopey’s crate? With Snoopey?

Snoopey: Nothing. We were just sitting in here. UNTIL TIGER SHOWED UP AND TRIED TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OF IT!

Me: Tiger! Come back!

Tiger: That cat is MY friend! Why does Snoopey have her trapped?

Me: She’s not trapped…apparently. Neutral corners!

Tiger: Oh! All right!

Me: Snoopey! Come out!

Snoopey: Okey dokey.

Me: Moon! What are you doing in there?

Moon the Cat: Just sitting here. What about it?

Me: Come out.

Moon the Cat: Come out what?

Me: Uggghh! Come out…PLEASE!

Moon the Cat: Oh, very well.

Stella: Something is terribly wrong here.

Me: Moon, how did you get inside Snoopey’s crate?

Moon the Cat: Snoopey wasn’t using it. I am Snoopey’s friend. I figured she wouldn’t mind if I went in and waited around for her.

Me: That is terribly risky. What if she did not want you in her crate? What if she came back to it in a bad mood?

Moon the Cat: We are not like humans. Snoopey is my friend. I am hers. You didn’t even notice any difference when she went into the crate. All was well.

Me: I didn’t see you in there. And all was well until Tiger came over to check it out.

Stella: I tried to warn you, Lady Human. Something is terribly wrong here.

Me: I can’t even believe what I just saw.

Snoopey: What’s not to believe?

Me: You and Moon, together! In your crate! And totally at peace!

Snoopey: Yep.

Me: I’ve never seen that before!

Snoopey: Well, I had never invited her before. She must have accepted my invitation while I was outside.

Stella: Snoopey, you and I are going to have a LONG, LONG TALK about what it means to be a bulldog.

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

That’s My Baby! – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The human puppy visited again today.

Me:        Stella…

Stella:    Oh, all right. Lady Human insists that humans do not have puppies, so I will humor her. The little human visited again today. Humans do not grow as fast as dogs which means that the human baby is still very small compared to a grown human. They don’t speak as clearly as grown humans either.

Me:        And this baby does not understand bulldogs or their language yet. She thinks you all are just very loud.

Stella:    Do we scare her? Are our faces too ugly for her?

Me:        You are the largest dogs she has ever seen. I don’t think you scare her as much as you concern her. And no, I don’t think she considers you ugly, just different. She is still very young.

Stella:    How long did it take for her eyes to open?

Me:        Humans are born with their eyes open.

Stella:    No! Really? That’s cool. The only thing we have open those first days are our noses and our mouths.

Me:        The most important items for a puppy, no doubt.

Stella:    I heard the human puppy…sorry, I mean the baby. Humans are so picky about what they call things. Anyway, I stayed real quiet outside her door. She was making the most wonderful noises. They weren’t human words that I know, but they were beautiful. They sounded so…bulldoggy.

Me:        They did?

Stella:    Yes. Especially when she got to one sound that I love and recognize so well. It was when she said, “Pffft!” It made me so proud. She will make a great bulldog someday.

Me:        Stella, we’ve talked about why that won’t happen.

Stella:    I know. I know. Still, she can say “Pffft!” at such an early age. That’s my human baby!




Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Dangerous Phrases – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Humans are the silliest creatures I know, sillier even than squirrels and that is saying a lot.

Me:        Why are we silly now?

Stella:    I heard what you said earlier.

Me:        I said a lot of things earlier. Nobody listened.

Stella:    You said one thing that everybody heard.

Me:        Oh, yeah. But that was just gibberish.

Stella:    Don’t call Bulldoggese gibberish!

Me:        I said, “Wah! Wah! Waaahhh!” It was a joke.

Stella:    And did you see what happened when you said it?

Me:        Wiggles, Snoopey, and Miss Sweetie jumped to their feet. Do you mean…

Stella:    They heard, “Get up!” So, they got up.

Me:        But you, Doodlebug, and Tiger didn’t move. You didn’t bat an eye.

Stella:    I batted an eye. I just didn’t get up. I didn’t want to.

Me:        Bulldoggy.

Stella:    Always.

Me:        I didn’t know what I was saying. I was just making a funny noise.

Stella:    Be careful of your funny noises, Lady Human. In Bulldoggese, you may be telling us to take over your human kingdom.

Me:        But you wouldn’t try to do that, would you?

Stella:   Mmmm.

Me:        Stella?

Stella:    Hmmm.



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.