I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. As I have pointed out many times before, humans talk entirely too much. Sometimes, they even talk in the middle of the night. I was sound asleep, minding my own business as always…
Me: As always?
Stella: When out of the darkness came a weird voice, floating down the hall, sneaking into my sleepy ears.
Me: And you and Sweetie started barking your heads off, even after I told you all was well.
Stella: All is not well when a goofy, little voice in the night squeals, giggles, and says, “Hee, hee, hee! Let’s play!” Now I know that it was not your tiny human relative who visits. She was not here and she does not speak human languages yet. And I know that it was not a bulldog. A bulldog would never sound that silly. It was totally unbulldoggy. No self-respecting bulldog would make such a noise. Not even Sweetie.
Miss Sweetie: Hey!
Stella: No offense, honey, but admit it. You do make strange noises, even for a bulldog.
Miss Sweetie: I heard the sound first and I was the first to bark the alarm.
Stella: No, I was the first.
Miss Sweetie: No, I was the first.
Stella: No, it was me.
Me: And I came down the hall and told you both that all was well and you kept on barking at me.
Miss Sweetie: I stopped barking at you first.
Stella: No, I stopped barking at her first.
Miss Sweetie: No, I stopped first. I remember.
Stella: Are you saying my memory is not as good as yours? Are you saying that I am old?
Miss Sweetie: Mmmm. Yes. You are old, Aunt Stella.
Me: Excuse me, please. I have an announcement. The late-night noise in question arose from an online game that I started playing on my phone when I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. I apologize to the whole household. I forgot to silence my phone before I went to sleep and, when I opened the app, the music and silly voice started immediately. I couldn’t silence it quickly enough. In fact, I don’t like those noises either. But I do like the game and sometimes it helps me go back to sleep. End of story.
Miss Sweetie: You couldn’t silence your phone quickly enough? You are old, Lady Human. What century were you born in?
Stella: You mean this all happened because of that little talking box you pay too much attention to all day long? And now you pay attention to it at night? Give it here, Lady Human. You do not need it that much.
Me: Nope. It’s mine.
Stella: Turn the talking box over.
Me: Nope. I’m the human. I am in charge of it.
Stella: And as you will come to admit, I am the loud barking box and I am in charge of that.
Miss Sweetie: No, I am the loud barking box.
Stella: No, it’s me.
Miss Sweetie: No…
Me: Here, let me turn my phone’s sound back on and turn the volume to max. Who’s the loud barking box now?
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.