Reading the Room – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

And I am Sweetie and I smell something interesting over here. And over here. And over here.

MoonCat: Meow. Don’t come over here with your giant nose.

Doodlebug: Yeah, I smelled something over in that corner, too, but it wasn’t food, so I lost interest.

Sweetie: It smells like outside does after the sky water falls.

Me: Tracks? You smell where we’ve walked.

Sweetie: Well, of course I do. How else can I know the news and weather?

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Nasty! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What’s that on the floor? Let me eat it.

Me: NO!

Sweetie: How come? It smells delicious. Like one of your meals.

Me: No, it is not delicious. It is cat throw up. MoonCat’s delicate stomach acted up.

MoonCat: Meow. Tummy ache. Tunafish makes it all right.

Doodlebug: Why can’t we have nice treats? The cat doesn’t mind.

Me: Cat vomit is NOT, I repeat, NOT a nice treat. But why am I surprised? The Bible even says that a dog returns to its own vomit.

Sweetie: But that’s not ours. We are returning to MoonCat’s vomit. If I threw up, I would share with her.

MoonCat: Meow.

Me: Everybody just stay back while I clean this up.

Doodlebug: You see, I told you. We never get nice treats.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Teatime – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Teatime!

Sweetie: Nope. My stomach says it’s much too early.

MoonCat: Meow. I’ll take mine now, please.

Sweetie: Teatime is Teatime and Teatime is not now.

Me: I’m sorry, but I have a prior engagement at regular Teatime so it will have to be now.

Doodlebug: Fine with me! As long as there’s food involved, I’m all in.

MoonCat: Meow. Me, too. Make mine tunafish.

Doodlebug: Hey, early is better than late.

Sweetie: This is most irregular.

Me: Well, if you want to skip yours…

Sweetie: What? NO! I only said this was irregular. I did not say that I am insane.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Toilet Engineer – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Sweetie, Princess of the Olde English Bulldogges…or Queen, I can’t decide which.

Me: Sweetie?

Sweetie: Yes?

Me: What is this?

Sweetie: I think you know what that is.

Me: If you needed to go, you should have called.

Sweetie: I didn’t want to bother you.

Me: Pooping in your water bowl is not ideal, but it does simplify the mess. And it always impresses me.

Sweetie: I have perfect aim, don’t I?

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Siren Song – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What is that horrible whining noise?

MoonCat: Meow. Don’t look at me.

Me: Those are the storm sirens. A huge line of severe thunderstorms is moving through in just a few minutes.

Doodlebug: Who told them to move through my domain? I am the king and I did not give permission.

Me: Yeah, well, storms are real bad about not asking permission.

Sweetie: I hear the wind. What do we do? Blow back?

Me: Nope. Just stay inside, hold onto your hats. And pray. We’ve been through this before.

Doodlebug: This is like those shows on the big Picture Box.

Sweetie: Oh, good! Can we have snacks? I want cheese.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Cafeteria Line – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Move along. Move along. Time’s a-wasting.

Sweetie:  Hey, no cutting in line! I was here first!

Doodlebug:  My stomach is getting emptier by the second.

Me:  You just ate not three hours ago.

Doodlebug:  YES! TOO LONG! And this line is taking forever.

Sweetie:  The service here is terrible.

Me:  Hey, I’ve only got two hands.

MoonCat:  Meow! Where is my food?

Me:  Coming. Coming. I only have two legs.

Sweetie:  Excuses. Excuses. Keep the line moving.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Sunshine Girl – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Sweetie, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Forget that King Doodlebug stuff.

Me: Don’t you want to come in? You’ve been out here quite a while.

Sweetie: Sunbaths are the best thing ever.

Me: Well, they are on 50° days in February. On 103° days in July, not so much.

Sweetie: The sun has been hiding a bunch lately. I’ve got to catch it when I can. Hey, since I am queen, can’t I just tell it to shine?

Me: It doesn’t work that way. Sorry.

Sweetie: Don’t worry about it, Lady Human. Just something else for bulldogs to fix when we take over.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Human Mismanagement – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, something is wrong with this picture.

Sweetie: Yes, something is very wrong. The earth has disappeared…again. This smacks of human mismanagement

Me: Well, it is winter after all.

Doodlebug: No excuse. The ground is cold and white and frozen.

Sweetie: Who is in charge here?

Me: To be honest, the Great Creator put humans in charge of the day-to-day…

Sweetie: Just as I thought. HUMAN MISMANAGEMENT.

Me: Admittedly, we don’t always do the best job.

Doodkebug: Bulldogs would never allow this sort of thing to happen.

Me: I think bulldogs would allow other no-so-good things to happen, honestly.

Swettie: Excuses, excuses! Fix this, Lady Human! NOW!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.