I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I must go over one of the main rules of bulldog etiquette (that means polite behavior). Apparently, the humans around here have forgotten that patting the top of my head is rude and will not be tolerated.
Me: Since when?
Stella: Since always. Haven’t you been paying attention?
Me: I thought I had been, but you know me.
Stella: I certainly do. You have forgotten and have started patting the top of my head again as though I am a dog or something that likes that sort of thing.
Me: You are a dog.
Stella: I… well…okay, I’ll give you that point. But I thought I had made it clear that I am a dog that does not like the top of my head to be petted. I don’t see how I could have made it clearer. I pull my head back and aside when you hand appears above me. I cuddle and lean into your hand when you rub my cheeks and under my neck. I even like it when you scratch that little space between my eyes.
Me: All right. I’ll try to remember.
Stella: No! There is no trying! Do or do not! Like that little green frog man said on the Picture Box.
Stella: What is a yoda?
Me: Never mind. Why is this top of head petting thing such a big deal to you? I’ve been petting you on the top of the head and you didn’t object.
Stella: It’s a domination issue. When something is coming down on the top of my head, I can’t always see what it is and that makes me tense.
Me: I understand.
Stella: Now if you rub my cheek and end up rubbing my ears and the top of my head, that’s different. You humans are so tall. It feels like everything you do falls out of the sky. And while we are on the subject, sit down on my level. I am tired of craning my neck to look up at you. And don’t have that smelly stuff all over your hands when you pet me. I don’t want to smell sweet. It’s not dignified. I’m a bulldog, not a flower.
Me: Anything else?
Stella: Yes. Keep petting me.
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