You’re All Wet! – Conversations with Stella

I AM STELLA, QUEEN OF THE OLDE ENGLISH BULLDOGGES! HERE ME ROAR!

Me:        Is that what that noise was? I thought you were choking on something. What a relief!

Stella:    Silence, peasant!

Me:        Excuse me?

Stella:    You are excused.

Me:        Stella, remember? “No rude, no crude, no bulldog mood.”

Stella:    Yes, I remember. Sounds like something a human would say.

Me:        It is.

Stella:    You are all wet. You are dripping on the floor. How come?

Me:        Miss Sweetie and I had a difference of opinion about whether or not she would take a bath. I won. And I lost.

Stella:    Hahaha! Well, she does smell better. So I think we all won. But you are still all wet.

Me:        I’ll dry out. One of the great things about being human is our ability to change clothes. One of the great things about wrestling Miss Sweetie over a bath is that I get a wonderful physical workout. 70 pounds of bulldog pulling this way and that makes me work for my victory.

Stella:    Any day Miss Sweetie smells good is a victory for all of us. Congratulations!

Me:        That reminds me. You are about due for a bath yourself.

Stella:    Whaaagggttt? Naw. It wasn’t that long ago. You are all wet.

Me:        So if I dry out and give you a bath, you are saying that I will be all wet again?

Stella:    Well, not on purpose. But yes, on purpose. Have you seen my shake and roll?

Me:        Uh-huh.

Stella:    I can sling it. Yeah, I can. Do you doubt it?

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    I am going to get a bath, am I not?

Me:        Yep. And that’s not a bad thing, my friend.

Stella:    It’s all right in the aftermath. Or afterbath.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Uh-oh! Bath Day! – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.The funniest thing ever happened. I am still laughing. Lady Human, did you see the hilarious thing that happened?

Me: I must not have because I am not laughing, but I could stand to have a good one. What happened?

Stella: You gave Miss Sweetie a bath.

Me: Yes, and….

Stella: Miss Sweetie is always so stinky and dirty.

Me: Yes, and…

Stella: She is forever rolling in dirt and mud and she sticks her head in trash cans.

Me: Yes, and…what is so funny? I am missing the punch line.

Stella: When she came back in the room, Tiger was running through…and she stopped and turned around…and ran up to Miss Sweetie and sniffed…because she smelled like a completely different dog and Tiger didn’t recognize her! Isn’t that hilarious? Tiger thought Miss Sweetie wasn’t Miss Sweetie because she smelled GOOD!

Me: I can understand her confusion. 

Stella: We read the world with our noses. You can’t always believe your eyes, but a bulldog can always believe her nose.

Me: The new shampoo really worked. Pineapple scented.

Stella: Keep using it. It will make Miss Sweetie more popular.

Me: I think she smells a lot better, too. Speaking of baths…

Stella: Still laughing. Can’t stop.

Me: It’s time for yours.

Stella: Huh?

Me: Your bath. It’s time for your bath.

Stella: Un-uh. I don’t stink. I am super clean.

Me: Among the bulldogs, you are the cleanest, I’ll give you that. 

Stella: I am the Queen. One must keep up appearances.

Me: How do you keep your ears so clean?

Stella: Simple. I don’t roll in the dirt. But I can’t have a bath.

Me: Why not? You have before.

Stella: It’s that new shampoo you use. If I start smelling like a pineapple, my subjects will not recognize me.

Me: Sure they will.

Stella: Worse. They will start calling me ‘Queen Pineapple’. Bulldogs can be so cruel.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.