Uh-oh! Bath Day! – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.The funniest thing ever happened. I am still laughing. Lady Human, did you see the hilarious thing that happened?

Me: I must not have because I am not laughing, but I could stand to have a good one. What happened?

Stella: You gave Miss Sweetie a bath.

Me: Yes, and….

Stella: Miss Sweetie is always so stinky and dirty.

Me: Yes, and…

Stella: She is forever rolling in dirt and mud and she sticks her head in trash cans.

Me: Yes, and…what is so funny? I am missing the punch line.

Stella: When she came back in the room, Tiger was running through…and she stopped and turned around…and ran up to Miss Sweetie and sniffed…because she smelled like a completely different dog and Tiger didn’t recognize her! Isn’t that hilarious? Tiger thought Miss Sweetie wasn’t Miss Sweetie because she smelled GOOD!

Me: I can understand her confusion. 

Stella: We read the world with our noses. You can’t always believe your eyes, but a bulldog can always believe her nose.

Me: The new shampoo really worked. Pineapple scented.

Stella: Keep using it. It will make Miss Sweetie more popular.

Me: I think she smells a lot better, too. Speaking of baths…

Stella: Still laughing. Can’t stop.

Me: It’s time for yours.

Stella: Huh?

Me: Your bath. It’s time for your bath.

Stella: Un-uh. I don’t stink. I am super clean.

Me: Among the bulldogs, you are the cleanest, I’ll give you that. 

Stella: I am the Queen. One must keep up appearances.

Me: How do you keep your ears so clean?

Stella: Simple. I don’t roll in the dirt. But I can’t have a bath.

Me: Why not? You have before.

Stella: It’s that new shampoo you use. If I start smelling like a pineapple, my subjects will not recognize me.

Me: Sure they will.

Stella: Worse. They will start calling me ‘Queen Pineapple’. Bulldogs can be so cruel.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldogs Stink!- Conversations with Stella

Hello, humans! I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:        Or simply Stella, as I like to call her.

Stella:   I am not simply Stella. I am not simple at all.

Me:        All right, complex Stella, what do you want to talk about?

Stella:   You and Tall Man were spraying water everywhere this afternoon. Why?

Me:        We were giving Doodlebug and Miss Sweetie baths. We put an attachment on the hose that sprayed water all around them, head to tail. It makes washing the soap off easier.

Stella:   You wasted your time and your water.

Me:        Really? I think they smell a whole lot better than they did.

Stella:   Nope, not so much.

Me:        We used some nice vanilla-scented shampoo.

Stella:   Wasted.

Me:        We scrubbed their hair and rinsed them with lots of clean water.

Stella:   Wasted.

Me:        Now I’m disappointed.

Stella:   Have you seen how they roll around in the dirt? And in other stuff?

Me:        I thought that was an accident.

Stella:   Nope. Stinky dogs like stinky stuff.

Me:        You don’t stink.

Stella:   Nope. I am a bulldog, not a stinkpot.

Me:        Maybe if we give them another bath in a few days.

Stella:   Nope!  Waste! If you want to save water and the environment, don’t bother bathing Doodlebug or Miss Sweetie.

Me:        But if we don’t bathe Doodlebug and Miss Sweetie, we won’t be saving OUR environment.

Stella:   Good point. Carry on. But don’t trust to hope. It has abandoned these lands.

Me:        So what should we do?

Stella:   Do what any sensible bulldog does. Take your paw and put it over your nose.


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.