I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. You are being sneaky again, Lady Human. You must know that our noses are smarter than your brains are.
Me: I don’t know that at all.
Stella: What do you have in the bag?
Me: Leftovers.
Stella: That’s interesting. Give me the bag.
Me: That’s a little demanding of you.
Stella: What’s the surprise? Look at me. Bulldog. Give me the bag.
Me: I don’t think so.
Stella: I’ll stand right here…
Me: You can stand there all night. You are not getting these leftovers. It’s Tex-Mex. Too spicy for you. You will thank me later.
Stella: I doubt that. Clear your food choices with me before you go out again. That Tex-Mex stuff is off the list from now on.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Ahhh. I am resting comfortably after a cool, rainy day of indoor naps and…hey! What was that?
Me: What? Here, have a cheese cracker. The good kind.
Stella: Thank you. Don’t mind if I do…hey!
Me: Have another cracker.
Stella: I get it! That’s a sneaky move, Lady Human! You trick me with belly rubs and my favorite crackers so you can snip my toenails. Well, cut it out!
Me: l don’t see you turning down the snack.
Stella: Of course not. What do I look like? An idiot with no crackers?
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. This is unbearable! It must stop!
Me: Unbearable what? Stop what?
Stella: It’s Wiggles. She lays around wherever. She eats whatever. She is constantly demanding attention from you, attention that rightfully belongs to me! And…
Me: And…?
Stella: Every time I leave the room, she scoots into my special place! Now it smells more like her than it does like me. And I like my smell better than hers. She has taken over the world!
Me: I believe that is a bit of an overstatement. The world is a pretty big place.
Stella: You must stop her, Lady Human! Hold one of those silly human elections of yours.
Me: I don’t believe that would work. Wiggles just does what Wiggles wants to do. Nobody elected her.
I am Wiggles. That is all. What are you doing, Lady Human?
Me: Cleaning up the yard. The summer plants that die need to be removed. What are you doing?
Wiggles: Staying out here with you without the others.
Me: This is the first time you have gotten up on the picnic table in a good long while.
Wiggles: It is cool now. Hey, what is that noise?
Me: Oh, just the big trash truck coming through.
Wiggles: Hey! Everybody! There’s a big truck coming near!
Me: Uh, I already know that.
Wiggles: Listen! Everybody! A big truck!
Me: Why do I need to hear this? I already know about the big truck.
Wiggles: My big voice will warn everyone.
Me: Yep. Oh, listen! Now the rest of the pack is up from their afternoon nap because of your big voice. There is nothing wrong and nothing to be done. Just relax.
Wiggles: I am relaxed. I just notified the whole world about the big loud truck. Yay me!
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I’m put out, Lady Human.
Me: And that is news how?
Stella: Wiggles has too many beds.
Me: And how many is too many?
Stella: And number more than I have.
Me: Let’s see. Well, you have a palace in my room and your bed and breakfast spot in the den.
Stella: See! Two! Only two. Wiggles sleeps in her special blanketed box, in her crate, behind your big chair, beside my den bed, and, when she can make it, on your big chair. That’s one…two…three…four…five. Oh, and guess where she was this morning? IN MY BED AND BREAKFAST SPOT IN THE DEN!
Me: True, but she walked away when you walked in.
Stella: There should be an equality of beds.
Me: For Doodlebug and Miss Sweetie, too?
Stella: Well, no, they are just children. They can make do. I need to rest my weary bones. Preferably in at least five or six different places.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. What did you bring me, Lady Human? What? What? What? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Me: Nothing.
Stella: What?
Me: This was a wasted trip.
Stella: Store trips are never wasted on me.
Me: Well, this one was. I got there only to discover that I had left the money at home.
Stella: So? What’s money got to do with it?
Me: Sounds like a good name for a song.
Stella: What’s a song got to do with it?
Me: This is the way things work. Stores sell stuff for money. No money, no stuff. I forgot to put the money in my purse, so no shopping for stuff today.
Stella: But they wouldn’t deprive a dog just because her human was silly.
Me: It applies to dog stuff, too.
Stella: Take the money and go back.
Me: Maybe tomorrow. We aren’t out of anything yet.
Stella: I am out! I am out your special store treat for your Special Stella. Next time, I will go with you and I will carry the money in my mouth, so you won’t be silly and forget it.
Me: No, you won’t be carrying the money in your mouth. You might try to eat it.
Stella: Only if it tastes good. Otherwise, I will use it to buy my treat.
