MoonCat: Meow! Lady Human, someone…let me be plain…A BULLDOG HAS BEEN TASTING MY WATER!
Sweetie: Lady Human, let me be plain, the cat does it to us all the time.
Me: There is water all over the floor.
Sweetie: My face doesn’t exactly fit into a cat’s water bowl, so that’s to be expected. Why is it okay for her to do it when we are outside?
MoonCat: Because my face is small and I never spill a drop, said no bulldog ever.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Sweetie: MINE! MINE! MINE! Don’t park on my chair!
Me: Your chair? Excuse me?
Sweetie: You are excused, Lady Human. You may go park yourself in the other room.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges, but I am staying out of this. I’ll let you girls sort this out between you.
Me: This chair is and always has been mine. I don’t mind you using it, Sweetie, but you must let me onto it so I have a place to sit in here.
Sweetie: We don’t both fit on it at the same time.
Me: Now that is a true statement.
Sweetie: Maybe you should lose some weight.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Sweetie: Granted.
Me: We are going to have to agree to share.
Sweetie: Share? I don’t like the sound of that. That doesn’t sound very bulldoggy.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Freedom does not mean running straight into trouble.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human! How come you’re rushing around?
Me: Tight schedule today. Lots of things to do. You might say that I’m on a tight leash.
Doodlebug: I don’t see a leash. Hmmm. Are you sure there is one? Are you confused, ma’am?
Sweetie: I’ve always thought it was unfair that humans go around in the world without leashes.
Me: Oh, we have leashes. You just can’t see them.
Doodlebug: Invisible? Hmmm.
Sweetie: Doodle, I think we’d better keep a close eye on the human.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, the cat is being her weird self again.
MoonCat: Meow. How can a bulldog call a cat weird?
Me: What’s going on?
Doodlebug: MoonCat is going around and taking sips from our water bowls.
Sweetie: Yeah. Thoroughly unsanitary.
Me: Well, I guess a bulldog would know about unsanitary. MoonCat, is something wrong with your own water?
MoonCat: No. I just like to sample other bowls. Don’t humans do that?
Me: Well, yes. In fact, in some restaurants, they have a wine expert called a sommelier who will sample a bottle of wine first for the guests to make sure it’s good.
Sweetie: I wouldn’t mind doing that job.
Me: Sorry, girl, no wine for dogs. Not good for you.
Sweetie: Oh, but a cat can stick her cat tongue in my bulldog water and that’s okay? Wait and see how you like it.
Me: What do you mean?
Doodlebug: Nothing. But if I were you, I wouldn’t leave anything you’ve been drinking out of within cat reach.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved
“Kick up your heals every once in a while. Just don’t kick anybody.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Oh. Lady Human!
Me: Do you all know what time it is?
Sweetie: Don’t know. Don’t care. Time to get up, Lazybones.
Me: Get up? It’s still dark outside!
MoonCat: Best time of day.
Me: Did you get this party started?
Doodlebug: No, I did. She just suggested it.
Sweetie: Hey, Lady Human, this is an early breakfast call. Just give us the grub so we can get back to bed. What you do with your time then is your business.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Never use somebody else as a springboard. It’s just not fair to them.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Me: Sweetie? What’s going on?
Sweetie: Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Nothing to trouble you. Just go on about your business.
Me: If you are thinking about digging in the trash, it is most certainly my business.
Sweetie: Just patrolling to make sure you all aren’t wasting any food. But you’re okay. Everything here stinks to high heaven, and not in the good way. Not one item to tempt a bulldog or a human, and we know how loose human standards are.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Sing, birdies, sing! My ears are open. My soul sings with you.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug,, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
And I am Sweetie and I have noticed a decided reduction in the volume of our treats lately.
Doodlebug: Yeah, Lady Human, they are barely a bulldog mouthful.
Sweetie: Are you skimping on us? Again?
Me: I have noticed that you are both putting on a little extra weight lately.
Doidlebug: So? I am a healthy growing boy.
Me: Uh, excuse me, but you stopped being a growing boy some years ago.
Doodlebug: So how can I be putting on weight then? Really, Lady Human, you make no sense.
Sweetie: Don’t fret, Doodle. She’s just skimping. We’ll take care of it tomorrow. Psst…I know where she keeps the good stuff stashed.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“There are lots of scents in the world. Keep your nose close to the ground. That’s where the most interesting smelliest ones can be found.”
Copyright 2023. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What is that awful noise?
Me: You wouldn’t happen to be referring to my singing, would you?
Doodlebug: Yes, yes. That’s what it is. Mystery solved.
Me: I’m not a great singer, but it’s not that bad.
Sweetie: Let me show you how it’s done, Lady Human. OOWWEEE! HOOOOO!
Me: Now that’s what I call noise.
Sweetie: How dare you? That is the song of my people!
Me: Aren’t singing and howling two different things?
Doodlebug: Not when you do it, Lady Human.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“When is enough enough? NEVER! Keep piling it on!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Does that mean you are in charge around here? Because this place is very poorly run.
Doodlebug: Don’t blame me. I’m just the King.
MoonCat: Meow. Don’t drag me into this.
Sweetie: Lady Human, no one seems to be in charge, so now I am taking over.
Me: Uh, I don’t think so.
Sweetie: Don’t worry. You can still stay here. I won’t rehome you.
Me: Oh, thank you so much.
Doodlebug: That tone of voice in humans means she is making fun.
Me: Being in charge is not all it’s cracked up to be. There’s cleaning and buying food and cleaning and grooming and more cleaning…
Sweetie: On second thought, I am appointing you to do all that stuff, Lady Human. I hereby declare naptime. It’s great being charge!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I am Sweetie. ‘Nough said.
MoonCat: Meow.
Me: You are probably wondering why I have called you all here today.
Doodlebug: No, not really.
Sweetie: Don’t care.
MoonCat: Meow. Because we all live here anyway?
Me: There is mess in the kitchen.
Doodlebug: Oooo, good! Let me at it.
Sweetie: A mess in the kitchen. So what else is new?
MonnCat: Meow. Nobody saw me do it.
Me: Noses need to stay out of the trash bag.
Sweetie: Uhb, trash bags should not be nose high then.
Me: There are nasty things in the trash that are not good for you to eat. We’ve gone over this before.
Doodlebug: Then how come nasty things smell so delicious?
MoonCat: And how come tunafish live in the trash?
Me: They don’t.
Sweetie: No, they don’t. Chickens do.
Me: No, that’s not true either.
Doodlebug: Nobody worry about what is living in the trash. I’ll just keep checking. My nose is on it
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 