Clean Hands, Clean Heart – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I hereby issue an edict. Lady Human must wash her hands before she touches me.

Me:        What? Why? I wash my hands a lot.

Stella:    Not from what I scented off you just now.

Me:        Well, somebody has to clean up around here.

Stella:    Don’t look at me!

Me:        I don’t.

Stella:    Get Sweetie to help you. She knows how to mop. But then she’ll need to wash her paws before she plays with me.

Me:        Okay. What about you when you go prancing through the dirt and mud? You don’t wash your paws before you start putting them on me.

Stella:    Different.

Me:        How?

Stella:    My paws are naturally clean.

Me:        Really?

Stella:    Here. Smell.

Me:        Uh, no thank you, but anyway.

Stella:    Here. Smell.

Me:        Uh, I don’t really smell anything but dog.

Stella:    See! I don’t stink. Now go wash your hands and you can pet me.

Me:        How gracious of you, Stella.

Stella:    Yes. Yes, it is. Now go wash your hands. I want to be petted. Clean hands, clean heart.

Me:        Where did you hear that?

Stella:    One of those things you were reading aloud out of that book that smells good like leather.

Me:        Oh, right. I guess I wasn’t listening to what I was reading. That’s from Psalm 24 in the Bible. But I don’t think it means that you will have a clean heart if you wash your hands.

Stella:    Clean heart or not, you are not petting me until you wash your hands.

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

O Where, O Where Have My Little Toys Gone? – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and Illustrious. Hello! A horrible thing happened yesterday evening and it had nothing to do with the humans’ election nonsense. Lady Human, bring back my toys!

Me:        You have your toys. See there. In your crate as always.

Stella:    No, my toys are in the mouths of the other bulldogs. Look at my face. Notice my straight, I’m-not-fooling brow. Bring back my toys.

Me:        You had four toys. You have four toys.

Stella:    I had a million toys.

Me:        No, you didn’t. A million toys would fill this whole house, floor to ceiling and then some.

Stella:    Why did you take my toys away? If you had not touched them, they would not be in the big, slimy bulldog mouths of others.

Me:        Stella, I took your FOUR, count ‘em, FOUR toys and washed them because they were filthy dirty. Your yellow chicken was no longer yellow. It was a nice, medium shade of…well, dirt.

Stella:    She didn’t mind.

Me:        Football Head and Long Blue Squishy Hound or whatever you call him smelled.

Stella:    I liked that smell.

Me:        And Purple Dinosaur…

Stella:    My favorite!!! He was perfect. You cannot improve on a perfect purple dinosaur!

Me:        I noticed that you had not been playing with him and now that he’s been washed, you are using him as a pillow again.

Stella:    I only stopped using him as a pillow for a while because my head is heavy and he was feeling a little smooshed.

Me:        Those other toys weren’t yours. They were old ones that I collected from around the house and cleaned so that each dog could play with one. Did you see how happy it made them?

Stella:    I am not in business to make other dogs happy.

Me:        But they each only got one. You got yours back. I mean, just look at your crate. You have four.

Stella:    Yeah. Now I do. But I used to have a million.


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.


Conversations with Stella – Puppy Pool Party!

Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge, and I are back and, though the calendar does not yet agree, summer has already fully arrived here…

Stella:   A pool! A swimming pool! A pool just for dogs!

Me:        I’m glad you’re excited, Stella.

Stella:   Cannonbaaaall!!!

Me:        Wait, you can’t do a cannonball in that pool. Well, you could, but all the water would splash out.

Stella:   I don’t do cannonballs. I am a bulldog. I am a cannonball! Thank you! Thank you, Lady Human, for the bulldog pool!

Me:        You are welcome!

Stella:   Of course, I won’t be using it.

Me:        What? Why not?

Stella:   The stinky puppies, Doodlebug and Miss Sweetie. Dirty.

Me:        The pool will help clean their feet.

Stella:   And everything else. Nasty.

Me:        You are going to skip pool time just because the puppies are going to use it. You need to learn to share.

Stella:   Nope.

Me:        It’s filled with clean water right now. You can jump in. Are you sure you won’t try it?


Stella:   Let’s see what it looks like when Doodlebug and Miss Sweetie are done with it. Oh, and Wiggles. Did you see how much dirt she carried into the house the other day?

Me:        Yes. She found a good dirt-rolling spot and took advantage of it. I may stick my own feet in the puppy pool once in a while.

Stella:   My point exactly. Nasty.

Me:        I hope you will reconsider, especially on the really hot days.

Stella:   Nope. It will be fine for the others. For my part, I would prefer an indoor spa and my very own bathrobe and towel. Please let me know when they show up.

Me:        Happy Summer, Stella.

Stella:   Happy Summer, Lady Human.


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.