I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and Illustrious. Hello! A horrible thing happened yesterday evening and it had nothing to do with the humans’ election nonsense. Lady Human, bring back my toys!
Me: You have your toys. See there. In your crate as always.
Stella: No, my toys are in the mouths of the other bulldogs. Look at my face. Notice my straight, I’m-not-fooling brow. Bring back my toys.
Me: You had four toys. You have four toys.
Stella: I had a million toys.
Me: No, you didn’t. A million toys would fill this whole house, floor to ceiling and then some.
Stella: Why did you take my toys away? If you had not touched them, they would not be in the big, slimy bulldog mouths of others.
Me: Stella, I took your FOUR, count ‘em, FOUR toys and washed them because they were filthy dirty. Your yellow chicken was no longer yellow. It was a nice, medium shade of…well, dirt.
Stella: She didn’t mind.
Me: Football Head and Long Blue Squishy Hound or whatever you call him smelled.
Stella: I liked that smell.
Me: And Purple Dinosaur…
Stella: My favorite!!! He was perfect. You cannot improve on a perfect purple dinosaur!
Me: I noticed that you had not been playing with him and now that he’s been washed, you are using him as a pillow again.
Stella: I only stopped using him as a pillow for a while because my head is heavy and he was feeling a little smooshed.
Me: Those other toys weren’t yours. They were old ones that I collected from around the house and cleaned so that each dog could play with one. Did you see how happy it made them?
Stella: I am not in business to make other dogs happy.
Me: But they each only got one. You got yours back. I mean, just look at your crate. You have four.
Stella: Yeah. Now I do. But I used to have a million.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.