O Where, O Where Have My Little Toys Gone? – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and Illustrious. Hello! A horrible thing happened yesterday evening and it had nothing to do with the humans’ election nonsense. Lady Human, bring back my toys!

Me:        You have your toys. See there. In your crate as always.

Stella:    No, my toys are in the mouths of the other bulldogs. Look at my face. Notice my straight, I’m-not-fooling brow. Bring back my toys.

Me:        You had four toys. You have four toys.

Stella:    I had a million toys.

Me:        No, you didn’t. A million toys would fill this whole house, floor to ceiling and then some.

Stella:    Why did you take my toys away? If you had not touched them, they would not be in the big, slimy bulldog mouths of others.

Me:        Stella, I took your FOUR, count ‘em, FOUR toys and washed them because they were filthy dirty. Your yellow chicken was no longer yellow. It was a nice, medium shade of…well, dirt.

Stella:    She didn’t mind.

Me:        Football Head and Long Blue Squishy Hound or whatever you call him smelled.

Stella:    I liked that smell.

Me:        And Purple Dinosaur…

Stella:    My favorite!!! He was perfect. You cannot improve on a perfect purple dinosaur!

Me:        I noticed that you had not been playing with him and now that he’s been washed, you are using him as a pillow again.

Stella:    I only stopped using him as a pillow for a while because my head is heavy and he was feeling a little smooshed.

Me:        Those other toys weren’t yours. They were old ones that I collected from around the house and cleaned so that each dog could play with one. Did you see how happy it made them?

Stella:    I am not in business to make other dogs happy.

Me:        But they each only got one. You got yours back. I mean, just look at your crate. You have four.

Stella:    Yeah. Now I do. But I used to have a million.

 

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