bulldogs – Page 14

Gag Order – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on September 5, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What is that awful noise? Lady Human, I blame you!

Me: Yeah, it’s me. Sorry. I’m gagging on a lot of allergy drainage.

Doodlebug: Oh, yeah, we’ve done that before, too.

MoonCat: Not me. I’ve never made annoying sounds.

Doodlebug: Take some of those tiny pink treats you gave us.

Me: The medicine? I have. It’ll just take a little time.

Sweetie: Nope! All gagging stops now! Bulldog order! It’s naptime!

Lounging – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on September 3, 2024September 3, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: How come the humans were sitting around all day yesterday?

Me: It was a holiday called Labor Day, so lots of people were off work.

Doodlebug: Does “labor” mean “lounge on chairs and do nothing”?

Me: No, actually “labor” means work.

MoonCat: Oh, my word! The workings of the human mind.

You Can Learn an Awful Lot from a Bulldog – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on August 30, 2024August 30, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

And I am Sweetie. I am as my name and my face imply.

I am MoonCat. I am NOT a bulldog and I have not nor will I ever learn anything from a bulldog.

Sky Fans – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on August 24, 2024August 24, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Complaint!

Me: What else is new?

Doodlebug: It’s hot, Lady Human.

Me: Yes, I noticed that.

Sweetie: The sky fans aren’t pulling their weight.

Me: The ceiling fans are turned on full blast.

Sweetie: Not good enough!

Doodlebug: We need more sky fans. There! And there! And there! And…

Me: Sorry. There’s no more room for more ceiling fans. We’ll just have to make do.

Sweetie: Make do? Is that another human failure thing?

Why Shouldn’t Bulldogs Have Good Manners? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on August 21, 2024August 21, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Why are you banging your metal bowls around?

Sweetie: Because they are empty.

Me: That’s because you already ate your supper.

Doodlebug: They do make a nice sound when they knock together.

Me: Not at midnight, they don’t. Y’all need better manners.

Doodlebug: Since when?

Sweetie: Yeah, we’re bulldogs. We don’t need no silly manners.

MoonCat: That right there says all you need to know about bulldogs.

Sit! – Conversations with Doodlebug

Posted on August 17, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Sit.

Doodlebug: I beg your pardon.

Me: Sit!

Doodlebug: Well, that was rude!

Me: Nothing rude about it. You’re my dog. I need you to sit so I can trim your nails. Sit!

Doodlebug: I don’t believe you have the right to tell me how to use my legs…

Me: SIT!

Doodlebug: Oh, all right! But you sure have a way of making “sit” sound like a dirty word.

Break the Monotony – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on July 25, 2024March 24, 2025 by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: Roll, roll, roll your boat, gently down the cardboard…

Me: Sweetie, that’s not exactly how the old song goes.

Sweetie: It’s not your old human song, ma’am. It’s my new bulldog song. Nothing like a vigorous roll on the cardboard box accompanied by a loud song.

Me: Well, it is fun to watch.

Sweetie: Humans should try it. It’s a lot less boring than watching the Picture Box.

Commenting in Your Sleep – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on July 18, 2024July 18, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: How well I know! What’s the problem, boy?

Doodlebug: Problem? What problem? There’s no problem.

Sweetie: She means why are you barking in your sleep?

Doodlebug: I was doing no such thing!

MoonCat: Yes. You were. Admit the truth, bulldog! You all are blabbermouths even when you sleep.

Doodlebug: Well, if I was talking in my sleep, and that’s a big IF, it’s because I had something to say. So…what did I say?

Sweetie: I dunno.

MoonCat: Who cares?

Me: I needed an interpreter.

Doodlebug: It could have been the most important thing ever said and you humans have all these phones and recording dealywhoppers and nobody captured my special comments…

Sweetie: Whoa there, big boy! Let’s not get carried away! Not every burp that you let loose smells like roses.

Welcome to Simpleton – Faces

Posted on July 5, 2024July 5, 2024 by H.J. Hill

“Sometimes a face says it all.”

Step Aside! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on June 27, 2024June 27, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: And I am Sweetie and no one enters here unless I say so. And I don’t.

Me: Why are you body blocking me?

Sweetie: Because I can.

Me: Excuse me!

Sweetie: Nope.

Me: I need to pass, please.

Sweetie: I don’t think so.

MonnCat: I am so glad that I can just jump over bulldogs.

Me: I need to get over there.

Sweetie: Or what?

Me: Or there won’t be any food in your bowl.

Sweetie: Oh, well, that’s different. I didn’t know you were doing something useful at last. Proceed.

Herd Dog – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on June 22, 2024June 22, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Everybody, get over there now. That’s an order!

Me: Hold on! I’m working on something here.

Sweetie: Too bad. Too sad. Everybody goes over there right now.

Me: Are you trying to herd us? We aren’t cows and you aren’t a working dog.

Doodlebug: You got that right, Lady Human. More like a sleeping dog.

MoonCat: I believe I will just take myself out of this cattle herd right now and go back to the ranch. Nobody herds cats.

Sweetie: Hey! Yeehah! Look at me! I’m a cowboy. This is a roundup! They don’t call me “bull” dog for nothin’.

Me, Doodlebug and MoonCat: Oh, great!

Common Courtesy – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on June 14, 2024June 14, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hey, watch out! How are the humans going to know I am the King if you interrupt me.

Sweetie: How indeed? Move aside! Coming through!

Me: Ow, that’s my foot.

Sweetie: Your foot should be more careful where it puts itself.

MoonCat: I’m just going to put myself in a nice out of the way corner until this is over.

Me: We need to start exercising a little common courtesy around here.

Sweetie: Okay. How little?

Doodlebug: And how common?

Persnickety – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on June 5, 2024June 5, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Hmmph.

Me: Okay, I know that hmmph. What’s wrong?

Sweetie: My water has a funny smell.

Me: Only if it’s a smell you put in it just now. I washed your bowl and refilled it not half an hour ago.

Sweetie: Smell it.

Me: Sorry, I don’t smell a thing.

Doodlebug: She means use your bulldog nose.

Me: I don’t have a bulldog nose.

Sweetie: Can you order one? From that place that sends all the great cardboard boxes?

Not Again! – Conversations with Doodlebug & Sweetie

Posted on May 30, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Okay, not again! LADY HUMAN!

Sweetie: What have you done now, Lady Human?

Me: Not a thing. I’m enjoying the power outages just like the rest of you.

Sweetie: Where is my fan air?

Me: Same place as my lamp light.

Doodlebug: You can use the Great Creator’s Big Light. It’s on. For right now.

Me: And you can breathe and enjoy His fresh air. It’s on, too.

Sweetie: Bulldogs have certain minimum requirements that are not being met.

Me: Why don’t we all just settle down and relax?

Doodlebug: Relax? We are full-blown bulldogs! How little you know us!

Change the Sheets – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on May 27, 2024May 27, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Service, please!

Me: Already?

Doodlebug: Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. My bed blankets need changing.

Me: I just gave you clean blankets last night.

Doodlebug: Yes, but these smell yucky now.

Sweetie: Yeah, they smell like him.

MoonCat: Need I say more?

Goofy Hats – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on May 10, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you laughing at, Lady Human? And Sweetie, how come you’re laughing, too? I’m serious. I’m not funny.

Me: Your head. A flower drifted down from a tree and it’s sitting on your head like a tiny hat.

Sweetie: You look goofy.

Doodlebug: Get it off! I can’t look goofy! I’m the king!

Me: It’s just a flower.

Doodlebug: No one will take me seriously.

Sweetie: Too late. No one ever has.

Me: It’s alright. It just blew away.

Doodlebug: Good. No tree should put a hat on me anyway. Now I’m normal.

Sweetie: I wouldn’t say that.

To Improve Promptness – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on May 5, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Service! Service here now!

Me: Hold your horses!

Doodlebug: We have no horses to hold.

Sweetie: But if we did, you’d better believe we could hold them.

Me: I’m mean, what’s the hurry?

Doodlebug: Me. I’m the hurry.

Me: It’s not like you’re going to give me a tip.

Sweetie: Tip?

Me: Yeah, a reward “to improve promptness”.

Doodlebug: Here’s a tip. Promptly let me outside or you will promptly be cleaning up the floor.

Me: Fair enough.

Be Reasonable – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on April 27, 2024 by H.J. Hill

Me: Sweetie, stop!

Sweetie: Stop what?

Me: Think for a second. What are you doing right now?

Sweetie: Talking to you.

Me: Before that.

Sweetie: Minding my own business.

Me: You were chewing on the corner of the plastic box.

Sweetie: Oh, that. That’s just a hobby of mine.

Me: Stop it. Why would you even do that?

Sweetie: Because…fun.

Me: It’s not food. It can’t taste very good. And it could harm you if you swallow any of it. Be reasonable.

Sweetie: Oh, you mean like humans?

Me: We don’t chew on plastic.

Sweetie: No, you just chew on everything else.

Buckets and Mops and Brooms! Oh, My! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on April 23, 2024April 23, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: We are under attack! Man your stations! I mean, Dog your stations!

Me: I have never understood this. This is a bucket. This is a mop. This is a broom. What is the problem?

Doodlebug: We are outnumbered!

Sweetie: Yeah, we can’t count on the cat.

MoonCat: Why should I interfere when those things clean up bulldog dirt?

Doodlebug: And I’m not sure which side Lady Human is on.

Sweetie: Look out! That broom thing has swept up some spilled food! Don’t worry! I’ll save you!

Me: Save food by eating it? Okay, I guess.

Sweetie: Y’all can keep that other crumbly stuff.

Doodlebug: Yeah, we’ll arrange to track more in later.

The Cardboard Box Domination – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on April 12, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why is Sweetie so loud, Lady Human?

Me: She is wrestling the big cardboard box into submission.

Sweetie: Grrrrr! Arrgghh! You’re not the boss of me! Grrrrrrrr!

MoonCat: I’ve never seen such a fuss over a cardboard box.

Me: I’ve seen you love lots of boxes in your time.

MoonCat: Yes, but gently, like old friends. Places where I could retreat to solitude and be hidden away from loud, obnoxious bulldogs.

Sweetie: No box gets by with locking me out! Grrrr! Down with those cardboard walls! Arrgghh!

Doodlebug: Well, not a box anymore.

MoonCat: Nope. Just a flat cardboard mess.

Sweetie: All right, Lady Human. When does the next cardboard box delivery get here? I’m ready.

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