Bulldogs in the Sky! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is that growling coming from? Someone is treading on my domain!

Sweetie: Take charge, Lady Human! Strange bulldogs are barking in the sky!

MoonCat: Meow! Oh, no! Now they’re coming from all directions!

Doodlebug: Let me at ’em! I’ll deal with them! Nobody threatens my family!

Me: Everybody just simmer down. There are no bulldogs in the sky.

Sweetie: Of course there are! I can hear them. Bulldog grumbling has a certain sound like nothing else.

Me: Yes, but what you hear is rolling thunder.

Sweetie: Exactly! The thunder of a million bulldogs running toward us.

Me: Take a glance outside. What do you see?

Doodlebug: Uh, sky water.

Me: Yes, rain. Only rain.

Sweetie: I hate sky water. I’ll take a sky bulldog pack anytime.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Show Me Some Respect – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Whatever.

MoonCat: Meow. What are we supposed to do? Bow?

Doodlebug: That would be a start.

Sweetie: Lady Human! Doodle wants us to bow to him! Please make this stop!

Me: Mmmm. Bowing to a bulldog? Nope.

Doodlebug: But I am the strongest thing in the room. And I am the King. You should at least call me ‘Sir’.

Me: How come?

Doodlebug: All I have to do is bark and everybody stops what they are doing to see why. I have all my meals served to me. I don’t have to do anything…

Sweetie: He may have a point.

Doodlebug: And I get to use the bathroom anywhere, anytime.

Me: Whoa! Hold up there, boy! Even kings have limits.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Breakfast Call – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What’s going on?

MoonCat: Meow. Bark. Go on! Bark!

Doodlebug: Oh, all right. If you say so.

Me: What is going on here?

MoonCat: Meow. Time for breakfast. Hurry along.

Me: It’s not even light yet.

MoonCat: Meow. What’s light got to do with anything? This is breakfast call.

Sweetie: What’s all the ruckus?

Me: MoonCat is calling for breakfast.

Sweetie: Number one – she’s not a bulldog, so she doesn’t get to say when breakfast is. Number two – It’s still dark. Number 3 – well, I’ve forgotten Number 3. I’m going back to sleep.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Too Quiet – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie! What is Lady Human doing?

Sweetie: Shhhh! She is reading. Whatever that is.

Doodlebug: She is being too quiet. That is never a good sign with humans. It usually means that they are up to no good.

Sweetie: I know. She’s been at this reading thing quite awhile now. Very ominous.

Doodlebug: MoonCat! Go walk on her. That should break it up.

MoonCat: Meow. Nonsense. I only walk on humans on my own terms.

Sweetie: She is all bent over. Maybe she is stuck. Let’s start a commotion.

Me: Hey, what’s all the commotion?

Doodlebug: Phew! What a relief! You’re alive. We thought your brain had been eaten by that big stack of paper.

Sweetie: Yeah. It turns out you were only doing what all humans do – wasting time.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Just Back Up – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, we have a problem.

Sweetie: Uh-oh!

Me: I’m hearing that word a little too often.

Sweetie: Tappy the Chicken is stuck between the gate and the door! She walked in, but she can’t turn around.

Doodlebug: Chickens are so stupid.

MoonCat: Meow. Bulldogs should be careful about who they call stupid.

Sweetie: Help, Lady Human! She’s hopelessly trapped!

Me: Not hopelessly. She just needs to back up. Sometimes a few steps back is all it takes. I’ll be there in a second.

Doodlebug: Never mind! She backed out. Dumb chicken.

MoonCat: Meow. One wonders how long it would have taken a bulldog to figure that one out.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Big No-no! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Uh-oh. Lady Human, I just want to make it clear that I had absolutely nothing to do with the big…puddle on the floor.

Me: Uh, Doodlebug! What happened here?

Doodlebug: Nothing. Well, something, but it’s really nothing.

Me: You peed on the floor.

Doodlebug: It was an accident. I was aiming for that big bag and I missed.

Me: This is not like you. And thankfully, that bag is waterproof because it has your food in it.

Sweetie: Doodle! You tried to pee on our food?

Doodlebug: I was just leaving my royal mark. Hey, the cat gets to pee in the house.

MoonCat: Meow. Pardon me, but I have my own private restroom. I am not a barbarian.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Watched Pots – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is Lady Human?

Sweetie: She’s here in the food room, staring at a pot.

Doodlebug: Did the pot ask to be stared at?

Sweetie: Yeah, is it that good-looking, ma’am? Is it better looking than I am? ‘Cuz I don’t think so.

Me: No, I’m just heating some water to make tea.

Doodlebug: Does staring at it help?

Me: No, in fact, there’s an old saying about watched pots never boiling and…

Sweetie: Then stop it right now!

MoonCat: Yes, because I’m staring at my empty food bowl and it’s still not filling up.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Tyranny of the Clock – Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you all have fouled things up again.

Me: Whatever do you mean?

MoonCat: Meow. Dinnertime. Late. Fix it. Now.

Me: Well, I’ve been going by the time change, so, yes, I guess mealtimes seem late the last few days.

Doodlebug: Seem? There’s no seem about it. Where’s the food?

Me: Since it’s been getting a little darker earlier and the time changed, you all have been eating at different times so…

Sweetie: I’m not talking about what WE have been doing. I’m talking about what YOU have been doing. How come meals are late?

MoonCat: Meow. We have been patient.

Sweetie: Don’t tell me. Let me guess. You humans have been fooling around with the sun again. Telling us when it will rise and when it will set.

Doodlebug: Yeah, as though you know!

MoonCat: I know this. Hungry. Food. Give it. NOW!

Outright 2023 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Guess Who’s Knocking! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, I hear a noise that must be stopped.

Sweetie: It’s my friend, the chicken! She’s knocking at the patio door.

MoonCat: Nope. No more residents allowed in my house.

Me: Well, no chickens anyway.

Sweetie: What? No fair!

Me: Sorry, hon. Chickens don’t go well in a house. That’s why they have one of their own.

Sweetie: But she’s knocking. She wants to visit.

Me: I tell you what. Go on out and visit with her awhile.

Doodlebug: Yeah. Do that. Whatever it takes to stop that noise.

Me: Maybe we should give her a name.

Sweetie: There’s only one that fits. Tappy.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bed Shuffle – Part 2 – Conversations with Doodlebug

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Have you reconsidered your hesitancy about your new sleeping pad?

Doodlebug: Does hesitancy mean fear?

Me: Sometimes. But it can also mean caution. Maybe if you would just try it…

Doodlebug: So it could swallow me up and suck me into a cave in the ground? NO! THANK YOU!

Me: Once again, allow me to say, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

Doodlebug: We shall see.

Me: Yes, we certainly shall. Meanwhile…

Doodlebug: Meanwhile, since you went to all the trouble to get it for me, I will politely place one paw on the edge of it. Just one. Just on the edge.

Me: That’s all I ask. Just try it. You’ll like it.

Doodlebug: We shall see. But if it grabs my foot, we shall see a new sleeping pad torn into tiny little pieces as it so richly deserves.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bed Shuffle – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Uh-oh!

Sweetie: “Uh-oh” is right! This is most distressing! Lady Human! Something unidentified has showed up in our sleep spaces!

Me: Yeah! Great, right?

Doodlebug: That’s not what I would call them.

Sweetie: What do we call them?

MoonCat: I would call them new sleep cushions. Anyone would call them that. Ugh. Dogs are so dumb.

Me: Yeah. For extra padding and insulation now that it’s started to get cooler.

Doodlebug: Doesn’t smell like me.

Me: Well, not yet, but give it 5 seconds.

Sweetie: I’m not sure. I think it makes me itchy.

Me: It’s brand new. Nobody’s ever used them before. Oh, Doodlebug, you aren’t even trying yours.

Doodlebug: I trust the floor. It won’t swallow me up and fly me away while I’m asleep.

Me: The pad won’t either. That could never happen.

Sweetie: Says the human, and we all know how smart they are.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Exotic Scents – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Something is wrong in the air.

Sweetie: Yes, it’s an unusual scent. Not from around here. Uh-oh, it’s Lady Human!

Doodlebug: What have you gotten into, ma’am? It smells…heavy.

Me: Well, I did use a new shampoo on my hair.

Sweetie: Good thing you only have a little hair on top of your head or we would not be able to breathe.

Me: I realize you have industrial strength noses and I can smell this myself.

Sweetie: With your puny little smeller.

Doodlebug: Just imagine what you smell like to us. Time to get some fresh air.

Me: Y’all?

Sweetie: No, you. Maybe the whole sky can float some of that scent away. Phew!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

An Ordinary Day – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: BORING!

Me: What if we do something really interesting and exciting?

Sweetie: BORING!

Doodlebug: But a nice try, Lady Human.

MoonCat: Meow. Why are dogs so easily bored? I am never bored.

Sweetie: All you ever do is stretch, eat, and nap.

MoonCat: Precisely. Never a boring moment.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Schedule – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Teatime is late, Lady Human. This is not a complaint, but it really is a complaint.

Me: It’s not nearly time for that yet.

Sweetie: Bulldog schedules are never wrong. Our stomachs are finely tuned instruments, far better than your clocks.

Me: I’ve noticed that y’all have been moving mealtimes around the last few weeks. Is it because the weather is cooling off?

Doodlebug: Bulldogs don’t respond to the weather any more than we respond to your human clocks.

MoonCat: Meow! Time to eat!

Me: Oh, not you, too.

MoonCat: Not me, too! Me first!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Running around like a Chicken – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: Lady Human, we have a problem.

Me: What’s wrong?

Sweetie: There is something running around my sunbath area. I think it is a bird. It has wings, but it is not flying. I think something needs to be done.

Me: It’s alright, Sweetie. It’s a chicken.

Sweetie: Well, I knew it wasn’t a bulldog. But I don’t think it’s right to have a big chicken running around my sunbath spot.

Me: She won’t bother you.

Sweetie: What if she wants my spot? I’m not giving up my spot to a bird. I mean, what if she invites friends? It won’t be a sunbath anymore. It’ll be a bird bath.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.