Am I a Runt? – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. For an Olde English Bulldogge, I am small. I am lightweight. I am scrawny. I am a runt.

Me:        Nope., nope, and nope.

Stella:    So, I am not a runt.

Me:        I don’t know.

Stella:    So, I am a runt.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    I am confused.

Me:        Were you the runt of your litter? I don’t know. At this point in our lives, I have no way of knowing and I don’t care. I heard a rumor that you and Tiger’s mom were pretty tough in your day. When you were together. Maybe you joined up with her because you were smaller. I don’t know.

Stella:    I remember Tiger’s mom. She was strong. I felt safe when I was with her.

Me:        That happens.

Stella:    Even with humans?

Me:        Yep. All the time. Humans find a way to cope. I have a cousin. He was smaller than the other boys in school. He learned to make them laugh and the bullies left him alone.

Stella:    Your cousin was bullied by bulldogs?

Me:        No, my cousin was bullied by humans until he used his humor as a shield against them. He made them laugh. They left him alone.

Stella:    Human bullies? How?

Me:        Humans have more in common with bulldogs than you might think.

Stella:    I was the runt.

Me:        Maybe. Does it matter now?

Stella:    I don’t know.

Me:        When I watch you with the other bulldogs, they always come and check on you, check with you. They don’t ignore you. If you are a runt in their eyes, why do they pay you so much attention?

Stella:    I am not mean to them.

Me:        You see. That’s how you became their queen. They need someone they can rely on. Snoopey is reliable. She is the pack leader, but she is tense a whole lot of the time. You are calmer. They don’t care how much you weigh.

Stella:    How much do I weigh?

Me:        About 50 pounds, give or take.

Stella:    How much does Sweetie weigh?

Me:        81.5 pounds.

Stella:    Uuuggghhh!

Me:        Yeah. Don’t let her sit on you.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Bulldog Mediation – Snoopey & Tiger – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Illustrious and Noble, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and therefore, IN CHARGE!

Snoopey: As pack leader, I beg to differ.

Me:        As the only human present, so do I.

Stella:    Fine! Be that way! I’m still queen. So there!

Me:        Is this about the spat this morning?

Stella:    If by “spat” you mean the barking, growling, snapping conversation between Snoopey and Tiger, yes.

Me:        That started when they started eyeballing each other from across the room.

Tiger:     It started the day Snoopey was born.

Snoopey:  It started the day Tiger came to live with us.

Me:        It started when you two disobeyed my instructions. No eyeballing each other. Keep your eyes to yourselves.

Snoopey:  You have been putting drops in Tiger’s eye.

Me:        Yes.

Snoopey:  I want you to put drops in my eye.

Me:        No.

Snoopey:  Not fair. I am the pack leader. I should get to have drops in my eye.

Me:        The vet gave those drops to us for Tiger’s scratched eye. You do not have a scratched eye, therefore, no drops for you. It is not a gift or a privilege. Tiger doesn’t even like it.

Tiger:     No, except that I get them and she doesn’t.

Miss Sweetie:    Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Doodlebug and Miss Sweetie:    Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Me:        Hold it! Quiet down!

Miss Sweetie:    fight, fight, fight

Stella:   That’s not what she meant, Sweetie.

Miss Sweetie:    But I like a good fight.

Stella:    UHHHH, children these days!

Tiger:     Believe me, Sweetie, no fight is good and you would not like to see a real one.

Miss Sweetie:    But what were you and Aunt Snoopey doing then?

Tiger:     We were…disagreeing…loudly…while showing each other how white our teeth are.

Snoopey:  Yes, Sweetie, that was it. And always remember that it’s IMPOLITE TO STARE.

Stella:    And ONLY the humans have control over what the vets give us and that includes eye drops! Agreed?

Snoopey:  I concede the point…

Stella:    Good.

Snoopey:  …this time.

Stella:    Oh, of course, because next time you think that you will have control over the vets and the humans. Wrong. Mediation closed. Ruling: Keep your eyeballs out of other people’s business.

Me:        A fair ruling, Your Majesty. One we should all observe. God save Queen Stella! Wait. Where’s Wiggles?

Wiggles:  Here. AHHHH! What a wonderful nap! Hasn’t this been a great day?

Miss Sweetie:    So, there’s not going to be a fight?

Stella:    Go to bed, Sweetie. Good night.

Miss Sweetie:    Okay, Aunt Stella. Good night. It’s not a very exciting night though.

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Stink Eye 2.0 – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I received the infamous Stink Eye from Snoopey today.

Stella:    As an Olde English Bulldogge myself, I greatly appreciate Snoopey’s skill at delivering the Stink Eye. She is an artist.

Me:        Well, I don’t find it to be a work of art.

Stella:    Why did she shoot the Stink Eye at you? Did you cave in to it? Did you show weakness?

Me:        No, I did not cave or show weakness. What kind of human would I be if I did? She objected to me letting you out for a sunbath before I let her out.

Stella:    What? Queen Stella comes first. How dare she?

Me:        She did not appreciate it. She gave me a sidelong, extended Stink Eye, bulldog-style. Now I understand that she is the pack leader among the dogs and I respect that.

Stella:    Yes, every day you open her crate first and she gets first pick on treats. I don’t like it, but I tolerate it.

Me:        So how is it that Snoopey is pack leader and you are the Queen?

Stella:    The Queen is royal and regal and dignified. That’s me all over.  The pack leader defends, watches, warns, balances. That is Snoopey all over. I admire her. But she has no right to sunbathe before me! No! No! No!

Me:        I’ll try to balance your competing interests.

Stella:    No competition. I win. I am the Queen. A queen without a crown…hint, hint.

Me:        I still haven’t found a suitable one. I could make you one out of…

Stella:    Don’t say cardboard. Nope. Real crown.

Me:        What about plast…

Stella:    Nope. No plastic.

Me:        You stopped me too soon. What about plaster?

Stella:    Plaster. Hmmm. Nope. I don’t know what it is, but it sounds cheap. My crown should be expensive.

Me:        I’ll keep working on it.

Stella:    Work harder! Work faster!

Me:        Or what?

Stella:    Oh, I think you know. If you don’t, go ask Snoopey Stink Eye.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Leaders We Did Not Elect

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Leadership – people discuss it all the time, ponder it, lust after it, fight over it. That’s because it is significant. Leadership is imperative at every level of life. Chaos reigns without good leadership and chaos reigns under bad leadership. Jesus said that if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a ditch. (Matthew 15:14)

First, what is not leadership?

  1. A leader is not one because of a title. There are too many wearing a title as a badge or a reward who are not leaders.
  1. Position does not a leader make. Even without the title, someone in a leadership position actually has to lead.
  1. Leadership is not aggression.
  1. Leadership is not simply issuing orders.
  1. Throwing a fit is not leadership.
  1. Manipulation is not leadership.
  1. Doing nothing is not leadership. Watch a ship that has no one at the helm and see what happens.

Our bulldog pack, so far as I know, did not hold a caucus and elect a pack leader. As the dogs came along, they argued a little among themselves from time to time, but the consensus came about naturally. Which dog “cared” more for the others? Which one watched over the safety of the whole pack, including the sometimes clueless humans whose senses of hearing and smell were not quite as developed? The answer was obvious, even to humans who were observant.

Snoopey.

She stepped into the position without hesitation. The others defer to her. Whenever she comes back from having been separated from the pack, she makes a quick inspection tour. Is everyone there? Is everyone in place? Is everyone all right? Only then does she settle down.

And as for those silly humans in her life, she really has to watch out for them. If a stranger is outside, she hears it and barks appropriately. She has an alarm bark for oddities and emergencies, and she has a regular notification bark for things like, “Wake up, sleepyhead humans, it’s time for breakfast and bathroom.”

As with all leaders, Snoopey is not perfect.

She is suspicious. She keeps a keen eye out for everything. That may be the result of experiences in her young life before she came to us or it may be an inborn trait.

She is stubborn, but that is bulldoggy of her and not much different from the humans with whom she associates.

She jealously guards her prerogatives which include her food and her bedding. Oh, and don’t come sniffing around her face when she is napping. She’ll set a dog straight on that in quick order. On the other hand, if you’re a human, that’s fine. Feel free to stop by anytime.

When Tiger started to challenge Snoopey a few months ago, Snoopey put her feet down, all four of them, and took her stand. I am the pack leader. Tiger, you are young and full of energy, but that is not all that a leader needs to be. I am in charge. It took a while and some human guidance along the way, but Tiger seems to be growing up and has backed off the challenge for now, though we always remain vigilant. Ambition is a terrible mistress.

Nobody elected Snoopey. She didn’t run to convince anyone of her worthiness to lead. She just led.

May God grant us, not the leaders we deserve (that would be too horrible), but His leaders.

“He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His Name’s sake.” Psalm 23:3 KJV

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.