Am I a Runt? – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. For an Olde English Bulldogge, I am small. I am lightweight. I am scrawny. I am a runt.

Me:        Nope., nope, and nope.

Stella:    So, I am not a runt.

Me:        I don’t know.

Stella:    So, I am a runt.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    I am confused.

Me:        Were you the runt of your litter? I don’t know. At this point in our lives, I have no way of knowing and I don’t care. I heard a rumor that you and Tiger’s mom were pretty tough in your day. When you were together. Maybe you joined up with her because you were smaller. I don’t know.

Stella:    I remember Tiger’s mom. She was strong. I felt safe when I was with her.

Me:        That happens.

Stella:    Even with humans?

Me:        Yep. All the time. Humans find a way to cope. I have a cousin. He was smaller than the other boys in school. He learned to make them laugh and the bullies left him alone.

Stella:    Your cousin was bullied by bulldogs?

Me:        No, my cousin was bullied by humans until he used his humor as a shield against them. He made them laugh. They left him alone.

Stella:    Human bullies? How?

Me:        Humans have more in common with bulldogs than you might think.

Stella:    I was the runt.

Me:        Maybe. Does it matter now?

Stella:    I don’t know.

Me:        When I watch you with the other bulldogs, they always come and check on you, check with you. They don’t ignore you. If you are a runt in their eyes, why do they pay you so much attention?

Stella:    I am not mean to them.

Me:        You see. That’s how you became their queen. They need someone they can rely on. Snoopey is reliable. She is the pack leader, but she is tense a whole lot of the time. You are calmer. They don’t care how much you weigh.

Stella:    How much do I weigh?

Me:        About 50 pounds, give or take.

Stella:    How much does Sweetie weigh?

Me:        81.5 pounds.

Stella:    Uuuggghhh!

Me:        Yeah. Don’t let her sit on you.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Strike! Strike! Strike! – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and something hilariously bulldoggy has just occurred. It should be written down in the annals of bulldogdom.

Me:        Well, I don’t think it’s very funny.

Stella:    You don’t have much of a sense of humor, Lady Human. You should work on that.

Me:        My sense of humor doesn’t match bulldog humor, I guess.

Stella:    It sure doesn’t. Bulldog humor is funny.

Me:        Explain to me how it is funny that Wiggles refuses to move.

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Stella:    She’s on strike! I can’t stop laughing.

Me:        I can’t move her! She weighs 80 pounds! Oh, now look! She’s rolled over on her back.

Stella:    Pay no attention. She’ll get tired of the game and get up. Eventually. Until then, just step over her.

Me:        Here. Let me scratch your belly, Wiggles. Is that what you want?

Stella:    No! Lady Human! Don’t give in! Don’t offer a bribe!

Me:        Is that what I’m doing when I give you a treat?

Stella:    No, that’s an act of love. But when Wiggles is on strike in the middle of the floor, on her back, showing her belly, that’s a bribe demand. She’s saying, ‘Scratch my stomach or live with an immovable bulldog in the middle of your floor forever’. She will control you for life. Anytime she wants something, she will flip over and make like a rock. A big, heavy, bulldog-shaped rock.

Me:        Here. Let me toss a treat over there. Maybe she’ll go for it.

Stella:    Treat tossing! Is that the way to break a bulldog strike?

Me:        It’s working. She’s going after it.

Stella:    Not fair! Okay, fine! I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogs, am officially on strike! Boom! Not moving until I get my due.

Wiggles:  Don’t be fooled, Lady Human. She doesn’t know how to strike.

Me:        Why did you strike, Wiggles?

Wiggles:  You’ve been real busy lately and I haven’t had a good long belly scratch in a while so…

Me:        I’m sorry, girl. I wasn’t paying enough attention. You had to make a demand.

Stella:    Hey! Over here! Look at me! A bulldog rock! STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!

Me:        What should I do about this?

Wiggles:  I would not give into her demands if I were you, Lady Human. You’ll never hear the end of it. She’ll go on strike every day. As for me, I’m reasonable.

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.