I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and something hilariously bulldoggy has just occurred. It should be written down in the annals of bulldogdom.
Me: Well, I don’t think it’s very funny.
Stella: You don’t have much of a sense of humor, Lady Human. You should work on that.
Me: My sense of humor doesn’t match bulldog humor, I guess.
Stella: It sure doesn’t. Bulldog humor is funny.
Me: Explain to me how it is funny that Wiggles refuses to move.
Stella: She’s on strike! I can’t stop laughing.
Me: I can’t move her! She weighs 80 pounds! Oh, now look! She’s rolled over on her back.
Stella: Pay no attention. She’ll get tired of the game and get up. Eventually. Until then, just step over her.
Me: Here. Let me scratch your belly, Wiggles. Is that what you want?
Stella: No! Lady Human! Don’t give in! Don’t offer a bribe!
Me: Is that what I’m doing when I give you a treat?
Stella: No, that’s an act of love. But when Wiggles is on strike in the middle of the floor, on her back, showing her belly, that’s a bribe demand. She’s saying, ‘Scratch my stomach or live with an immovable bulldog in the middle of your floor forever’. She will control you for life. Anytime she wants something, she will flip over and make like a rock. A big, heavy, bulldog-shaped rock.
Me: Here. Let me toss a treat over there. Maybe she’ll go for it.
Stella: Treat tossing! Is that the way to break a bulldog strike?
Me: It’s working. She’s going after it.
Stella: Not fair! Okay, fine! I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogs, am officially on strike! Boom! Not moving until I get my due.
Wiggles: Don’t be fooled, Lady Human. She doesn’t know how to strike.
Me: Why did you strike, Wiggles?
Wiggles: You’ve been real busy lately and I haven’t had a good long belly scratch in a while so…
Me: I’m sorry, girl. I wasn’t paying enough attention. You had to make a demand.
Stella: Hey! Over here! Look at me! A bulldog rock! STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!
Me: What should I do about this?
Wiggles: I would not give into her demands if I were you, Lady Human. You’ll never hear the end of it. She’ll go on strike every day. As for me, I’m reasonable.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.