I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I do not wear shoes. I do not care to. I see no point to them, even as a snack. Snoopey, however, has different tastes. She committed a crime against a pair of Lady Human’s fancy shoes, but, to be honest, Lady Human did not hire a guard to protect her shoes so she deserved it.
Me: Why would I ever hire a guard for my shoes?
Stella: You could have set me over them. I don’t snack on shoes and I work cheap.
Me: I didn’t even know that they were in danger.
Stella: Snoopey told me that she had been sniffing them for months and, finally, one night, she lost her battle with temptation. As I say, if you had hired me…
Snoopey: I am sorry that I ate your shoes, Lady Human. As tasty and smelly as they were, I had no right.
Me: I forgive you, Snoopey. I just don’t know if I can trust you around my shoes again.
Snoopey: I won’t chew on any of the others. That was my favorite pair. I laid my nose by them every night. Every night, they called my name. They smelled like your feet and like leather and like wherever they had walked.
Me: I wore them to my daughter’s wedding.
Snoopey: So that was why they smelled like strange humans and burritos. It must have been a wonderful party.
Me: You nibbled parts off both soles and all the heels.
Snoopey: I thought you didn’t need those parts. They didn’t show from the top. Why do you need shoes anyway? And why do you have so many? Humans have at most two feet.
Me: We wear them to protect our feet. And we wear them to look good, for style.
Stella: My feet look fine without them. But I have seen human feet. I would cover them up, too.
Wiggles: Can I have a pair of shoes to chew?
Doodlebug: Me, too. A really stinky pair. Not dog stinky. Human stinky.
Miss Sweetie: I just need one shoe. Tiger can have the second one.
Tiger: Thanks, but I prefer to chew plastic that doesn’t smell like humans.
Me: Okay, now hear this!
Stella: That’s my job!
Me: My shoes are off limits. They are not to be eaten…
Snoopey: Carried around?
Miss Sweetie: Nibbled?
Me: No. Wait. I thought you said you didn’t like shoes.
Stella: The more I hear them described, the more tempting they become.
Me: I thought you said you would guard them.
Stella: Well, I would, from the others.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.