I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have four bulldog feet. Please leave them alone.
Me: I am not fooling with your feet tonight, Stella. I am fooling with mine.
Stella: Why would you fool with anybody’s feet? That sounds like you are playing a joke. Feet are serious business.
Me: I am dealing with my own feet right now.
Stella: Ew! What horrible thing is that?
Me: It is a tool that trims off dead skin. I have a callous on one foot. I have had for a long time.
Me: It may be the way I walk on that foot. It may be the shoes I wear.
Stella: Then don’t walk that way. And don’t wear shoes. I don’t and I am doing just fine.
Me: I wouldn’t get far without shoes. Human feet aren’t built like dog feet.
Stella: Another way in which dogs are superior to humans.
Me: Excuse me?
Stella: Of course. Always. Bulldogs are very forgiving. Wait. Are you going to put that stinky stuff on your toes? Because I might not forgive that.
Me: Nail polish?
Stella: Yeah, like the stuff you paint on the walls, only it smells worse.
Me: I don’t think so tonight.
Stella: Okay. Well, that’s good. I don’t like the smell, but if I have to, I can always lick it off. That is one good thing about human feet. They are incredibly lick-able. Delicious.
Me: No, Stella, that’s not why I do pedicures.
Stella: So long as you don’t wear socks. Bare feet are great.
Me: Cold weather will dictate my sock wearing habits.
Stella: That’s all right. If they are loose enough, I can just pull them off and lick away.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.