Toe Stomp – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: Lady Human! How come you’re down on all fours? Are you trying to be a bulldog? Because, if you are, you aren’t doing a very good job at it.

Me: No, I’m not trying to be a bulldog. Remember a few seconds ago when you stepped on the toe of my sock?

Sweetie: Yes. That’s when you went into your bulldog act.

Me: That’s when my sock got caught under your foot and I tripped.

Sweetie: And the floor caught you. Good ole floor. If you wouldn’t put those cloth bags you call ‘socks’ on your paws, you would not have to get caught by the floor so often. Go barefoot. Like a real bulldog.

Copyright 2023 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Pedicures Bulldog Style – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have four bulldog feet. Please leave them alone.

Me:        I am not fooling with your feet tonight, Stella. I am fooling with mine.

Stella:    Why would you fool with anybody’s feet? That sounds like you are playing a joke. Feet are serious business.

Me:        I am dealing with my own feet right now.

Stella:    Ew! What horrible thing is that?

Me:        It is a tool that trims off dead skin. I have a callous on one foot. I have had for a long time.

Stella:    Why?

Me:        It may be the way I walk on that foot. It may be the shoes I wear.

Stella:    Then don’t walk that way. And don’t wear shoes. I don’t and I am doing just fine.

Me:        I wouldn’t get far without shoes. Human feet aren’t built like dog feet.

Stella:    Another way in which dogs are superior to humans.

Me:        Excuse me?

Stella:    Of course. Always. Bulldogs are very forgiving. Wait. Are you going to put that stinky stuff on your toes? Because I might not forgive that.

Me:        Nail polish?

Stella:    Yeah, like the stuff you paint on the walls, only it smells worse.

Me:        I don’t think so tonight.

Stella:    Okay. Well, that’s good. I don’t like the smell, but if I have to, I can always lick it off. That is one good thing about human feet. They are incredibly lick-able. Delicious.

Me:        No, Stella, that’s not why I do pedicures.

Stella:    So long as you don’t wear socks. Bare feet are great.

Me:        Cold weather will dictate my sock wearing habits.

Stella:    That’s all right. If they are loose enough, I can just pull them off and lick away.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.