air conditioning – Bulldoggy

Heavy Breathing – Conversations with Stella

Posted on June 10, 2018 by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Huh-ha-huh-ha-huh-ha. The air has weight, heavy and hot. It is like breathing thin warm water, but still it is air and I need it. The sky’s thick breath presses on us like a warm, wet blanket, hard to run through, hard to sleep through, hard.

Me: Are you all right?

Stella: Yes. But I am not happy. Send the hot away.

Me: Not in my power. Summer has its purpose, just as spring and autumn and winter have their purposes. Every season has a reason.

Stella: Is that one of those human rhymes, Lady Human? Really! It is too hot for rhymes.

Me: It is too hot for anything else. And yet, this is by far not the hottest weather I have witnessed.

Stella: I am not sure that I want to hear that story.

Me: It was the Summer of 1980…

Stella: Oh, no. Is this going to be a long story because, if it is, I need some popcorn.

Me: No popcorn. Not that long.

Stella: How about a frozen treat?

Me: I’ll see what I can do. Anyway, it was the Summer of 1980. The temperature reached 100 degrees or more for what was it? 69 straight days?

Stella: Are you asking me? I was not around that long ago, remember?

Me: One day, the temperature reached 113 degrees Fahrenheit. I walked from one building to another several blocks away in downtown Dallas.

Stella: Downtown Dallas? Is that in our backyard?

Me: Not really. Anyway, when I got there, I laid my hand on my head. My hair was so hot, it burned my fingers to touch it. I should have worn a hat or carried an umbrella, but no, I thought, hey, no big deal!

Stella: Scary! I am covered with hair! Is there much more to this story because, if there is, I really need popcorn.

Me: I met a man from Italy and he was horrified that it was so hot.

Stella: I am not from Italy, whatever that is, and I am horrified. How did the story turn out? Did you burn up?

Me: No. I mean…obviously not, I am still here.

Stella: So, no big deal, right? My question is what are you going to do about the hot, heavy air right now?

Me: It was only 95 or 96 today. Just keep calm. Stay inside. Drink water.

Stella: And keep the air conditioner running.

Me: Amen. There was another summer that came within a day of breaking the 1980 run of 69 100 degree plus days…

Stella: Nope. Enough. No more stories without popcorn.

Goodbye, Summer! – Conversations with Stella

Posted on June 8, 2018 by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I hereby declare that SUMMER IS OVER! That is all.

Me: I don’t think seasons work that way.

Stella: Why not?

Me: Because Earth turns at a certain pace and tilts toward the sun at a certain rate and that pretty much determines when we have summer and fall and winter and spring so…

Stella: Wait! What is this ‘Earth’ you are talking about?

Me: Okay…well…let’s see… Earth is the planet that we all live on.

Stella: Oh. And what is ‘planet’?

Me: Okay…well…let’s see…A planet is a heavenly body…this is kind of hard to explain.

Stella: Is a planet something that the Great Creator made?

Me: Yes! Exactly!

Stella: Then why didn’t you just say so? Still, I am the Queen and I am declaring summer to be at an end. So there!

Me: Don’t you think that summer should run its course, the way the Great Creator designed?

Stella: I don’t like summer anymore. Summer is hot. We can’t stay outside very long. That cramps my style.

Me: Sweetie likes it. She gets to bathe in the puppy pool.

Stella: So, the rest of us have to suffer just for her to get to go swimming?

Me: Suffer? In air conditioning? You realize that our ancestors did not have air conditioning and lived through all the Texas summers, don’t you?

Stella: Really?

Me: Yep.

Stella: Hmmm. They must have been tougher than we are.

Me: I think so. I wish we were tougher.

Stella: Well, bulldogs are tougher than humans. Still, I declare summer to be at an end. Enough is enough. Oh, but keep the air conditioner running just in case.

New Neighbors – Conversations with Stella

Posted on June 2, 2018 by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am special. I have a unique place right in front of the Picture Box where I can watch all the silly things the humans watch. I am the center of attention. I can see everything that goes on while I am comfortably laying in my bed. I have my toys, my food, my water, my ceiling fan…

Me: Actually, that ceiling fan is for everyone.

Stella: So you say. Something horrible happened today.

Me: Nothing horrible happened. There was a change, but nothing horrible.

Stella: I am a bulldog. I hate change.

Me: Most people do, too.

Stella: Go ahead, Lady Human. Tell the other humans what you did today.

Me: I moved Wiggles’ and Miss Sweetie’s beds next to yours.

Stella: Aaaaggghh! You destroyed my special place!

Me: How? Their beds were not that far away, always within eye shot. I just moved them away from the air conditioner. They were right under it and their shedding and dander were causing a problem with the unit, putting more pressure on it. The outside temperature was 100 degrees today. It is more important that the air conditioner keeps running efficiently for everyone’s sake. So moving them by you will help the AC and everyone benefits.

Stella: Everyone except me!

Me: Everyone including you. Tell me, do you enjoy the cooler air that the AC brings?

Stella: The cold air box? Yeah, sure. It’s great!

Me: Would you want it to work so hard that it breaks?

Stella: NO! Don’t let that happen!

Me: By God’s grace, it won’t. But we need to be sensible. The coils have to work harder if bulldog dander covers them. With Wiggles and Miss Sweetie sleeping over by you, that’s less stress on the machine. Good for everyone, including good ole Stella.

Stella: Ohhh! I do like the cold air box.

Me: And you can still watch the Picture Box. They are not in the way. They may even start watching it with you.

Stella: I don’t like new neighbors. You tell them that they had better behave themselves.

The Revolving Door – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on May 21, 2018 by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Are you back from your vacation?

Stella: Maybe. Maybe not. It remains to be seen.

Tiger: Open the big door, please. I need to go outside.

Me: Okay. Go ahead. Not too long though. It’s pretty warm today.

Doodlebug: Why is Tiger going outside?

Me: I guess because she needs to go potty.

Doodlebug: I want to go outside, too. Do I have to go potty?

Me: Well…no…not necessarily. Okay. Go ahead. No fussing or fighting. Do you need me to go with you?

Doodlebug: No, I can potty on my own.

Me: Well, I understand that. I don’t want you to get into a fuss with Tiger.

Doodlebug: Okay. I’ll wait. Tiger acts weird when she is outside. She thinks the whole yard belongs to her.

Me: Yeah. Tiger is a little touchy. I understand why, but we have to work with her. Oh, here she comes now.

Tiger: Done and done.

Miss Sweetie: Me. Me. Me. I need to go outside.

Me: Very well. How about you and Doodlebug and Wiggles all go out together? Less in and out.

Miss Sweetie: Never mind. I don’t need to go.

Wiggles: Of course, you do, Sweetie. You always need to go.

Me: All right. Here’s the deal. Everybody out or everybody in.

Stella: How rude! Bathroom freedom!

Me: Even my own parents had a rule about the in and out at this hot time of year. Go out or stay in. No revolving door. It sucks the air conditioning out.

Wiggles: What is air conditioning?

Me: It’s that wonderful machine that chills the air.

Wiggles: I like that machine.

Me: Well, the revolving door taxes its strength. We need a better system than popping up and down and always wanting to go out or come in.

Stella: A system? Like you tell me when I need to go potty? Nope. I am the only one to say when I need to go potty. Bathroom freedom for all! Long live the revolving door!

And So…It Begins Again – Conversations with Stella

Posted on July 21, 2017 by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I found the evidence in the yard today, evidence that waves in my face like a red flag in front of a bull, whatever that means. I heard one of the humans say it. I quote humans when they say words that sound interesting, even if they make no sense.

The evidence speaks for itself though it has no mouth. And so, once again, it begins.

Me: All right. This time I am totally confused. What begins once again? What evidence speaks for itself?

Stella: War.

Me: I beg your pardon.

Stella: Granted.

Me: No, I mean, what war?

Stella: Well, then you should have said so. Of course, you are confused. Humans live that way.

Me: Stella, what war?

Stella: The war between me and Jerky McSquirrelyFace. He has returned. I found the evidence this morning. A green pecan on the ground, chewed in half, cut down in its prime. I know his MO.

Me: Where did you hear about MO?

Stella: On the source of human stupidity – the Picture Box, naturally. Jerky starts small and then BOOM! He eats ALL the green pecans, leaving none for the rest of us! If that is not an act of squirrel war, what is? Get ready, Lady Human. It is going to be a long, hot summer. CHARGE!

Me: Can I just sit this one out in the air conditioning?

Stella: Lady Human, for shame!

Me: I don’t really have to pick up pecans. I can always go to the store.

Stella: Fine! Just turn over every pecan tree in the world to the squirrels. Who will have pecan pie then?

Conversations with Stella – We’re Melting!

Posted on June 16, 2016June 16, 2016 by H.J. Hill

Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge, is here with me to have some questions answered about yesterday’s meltdown of the air conditioning.

Stella: Meltdown. Yes. That’s what it was. We were melting. Let’s not do that again. I didn’t like it.

Me: No one liked it.

Stella: The cat liked it. She was not panting. She makes me so mad.

Me: I personally have never seen a cat pant. And she was hot, too. Did you hear her meowing at me and see how she spread herself flat. That was her way of cooling off until the window unit got going.

Stella: The cat was yelling at you. We bulldogs were not yelling at you. Although I wanted to.

Me: Well, it wasn’t like it was planned.

Stella: Humans are in charge. How could it not be planned?

Me: Humans are not in charge of everything all the time. Even the stuff humans make can stop working.

Stella: Why?

Me: Parts wear out. They are not designed to last forever.

Stella: Why?

Me: Well, because they are made by humans and we don’t have the forever thing worked out yet. The Bible says in Psalm 102 that the heavens and the earth will wear out like a garment, but God will endure. The heavens and the earth have been around for a long time. He knows how to make things that last.

Stella: Can He make our A SEE last?

Me: Our air conditioner? If God were in the a/c business, He would make one that would last, I’m sure.

Stella: Is the A SEE fixed yet?

Me: Not yet. The window unit will get us all through until it is. The back part of the house is pretty warm right now so we won’t be spending a whole lot of time back there.

Stella: Oh, oh, let’s call God and ask Him to get into the A SEE business!

Me: He lets humans make machines. He set up the seasons. We have cooler weather in autumn, winter, and spring. Summer is a little more challenging for us. Remember, all of our ancestors, yours and ours, lived long lives without any air conditioning until this last century. None of my own schools were air conditioned until I went to college.

Stella: How did you all stand it?

Me: By the grace of God, we endured.

Stella’s Blog – Who Forgot to Turn the Sun Down?

Posted on June 15, 2016 by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge Queen. Hello!

I am bringing a complaint to Lady Human from all the bulldogs. Something went horribly wrong today and I demand to know why.

When I went outside during the morning, I noticed that the outside air felt like the inside air. What was going on? The inside air always feels better than the outside air. At least the humans used to do a good job at that. All of a sudden, everything felt the same – HOT!

Some human forgot to turn the sun down.

This is how I believe it works: the Great Creator gave us the sun so that we can see well and run around and poop and pee and chase cats. He also gave it so bulldogs could sunbathe. I believe some human is assigned to turn the sun off at night so we can finish our daytime naps. But that human forgot and left the sun running too long and it got hotter and hotter and now the hot is inside the house.

I was here last year during the hot time and this did not happen.

Lady Human and Tall Man were sweating and we bulldogs were panting. Why humans don’t pant I do not understand. It would cool them off so much.

Tall Man was talking to the black box in his hand and some human was saying that he could not come today to fix something and I understood that whatever was broken was causing the house to be hot and was called A SEE. See a what? Humans are too complicated.

Lady Human set up lots of little boxes with spinners in them. The spinners go fast and blow air – HOT AIR! Where is my cool house air?

Tall Man added chunks of ice to our water. That was a nice touch, but WHERE IS MY COOL HOUSE AIR? The humans left and soon came back with a big box. Tall Man worked at the window and put a white box in it. He pushed on the box. It whirred like other human toys, but this one breathed out cold air. YAY!

Ahhhh!!!! The cool air returned. The sun must have trapped it in that white box that Tall Man stuck in the window. Once again, Tall Man is our hero. He wrestled the cold air box from the sun and brought it home.

I felt like eating so I did. So did the others. I didn’t need to pant anymore. Neither did the others.

I will discuss all of this with Lady Human later. Right now, I am going to take a nice, long, cool nap.

Farewell until next time,

Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges

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