And So…It Begins Again – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I found the evidence in the yard today, evidence that waves in my face like a red flag in front of a bull, whatever that means. I heard one of the humans say it. I quote humans when they say words that sound interesting, even if they make no sense.

The evidence speaks for itself though it has no mouth. And so, once again, it begins.

Me:        All right. This time I am totally confused. What begins once again? What evidence speaks for itself?

Stella:    War.

Me:        I beg your pardon.

Stella:    Granted.

Me:        No, I mean, what war?

Stella:    Well, then you should have said so. Of course, you are confused. Humans live that way.

Me:        Stella, what war?

Stella:    The war between me and Jerky McSquirrelyFace. He has returned. I found the evidence this morning. A green pecan on the ground, chewed in half, cut down in its prime. I know his MO.

Me:        Where did you hear about MO?

Stella:    On the source of human stupidity – the Picture Box, naturally. Jerky starts small and then BOOM! He eats ALL the green pecans, leaving none for the rest of us! If that is not an act of squirrel war, what is? Get ready, Lady Human. It is going to be a long, hot summer. CHARGE!

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Me:        Can I just sit this one out in the air conditioning?

Stella:    Lady Human, for shame!

Me:        I don’t really have to pick up pecans. I can always go to the store.

Stella:    Fine! Just turn over every pecan tree in the world to the squirrels. Who will have pecan pie then?

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Conversations with Stella – We’re Melting!

Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge, is here with me to have some questions answered about yesterday’s meltdown of the air conditioning.

Stella: Meltdown. Yes. That’s what it was. We were melting. Let’s not do that again. I didn’t like it.

Me: No one liked it.

Stella: The cat liked it. She was not panting. She makes me so mad.

Me: I personally have never seen a cat pant. And she was hot, too. Did you hear her meowing at me and see how she spread herself flat. That was her way of cooling off until the window unit got going.

Stella: The cat was yelling at you. We bulldogs were not yelling at you. Although I wanted to.

Me: Well, it wasn’t like it was planned.

Stella: Humans are in charge. How could it not be planned?

Me: Humans are not in charge of everything all the time. Even the stuff humans make can stop working.

Stella: Why?

Me: Parts wear out. They are not designed to last forever.

Stella: Why?

Me: Well, because they are made by humans and we don’t have the forever thing worked out yet. The Bible says in Psalm 102 that the heavens and the earth will wear out like a garment, but God will endure. The heavens and the earth have been around for a long time. He knows how to make things that last.

Stella: Can He make our A SEE last?

Me: Our air conditioner? If God were in the a/c business, He would make one that would last, I’m sure.

Stella: Is the A SEE fixed yet?

Me: Not yet. The window unit will get us all through until it is. The back part of the house is pretty warm right now so we won’t be spending a whole lot of time back there.

Stella: Oh, oh, let’s call God and ask Him to get into the A SEE business!

Me: He lets humans make machines. He set up the seasons. We have cooler weather in autumn, winter, and spring. Summer is a little more challenging for us. Remember, all of our ancestors, yours and ours, lived long lives without any air conditioning until this last century. None of my own schools were air conditioned until I went to college.

Stella: How did you all stand it?

Me: By the grace of God, we endured.

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

Stella’s Blog – Who Forgot to Turn the Sun Down?

I am Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge Queen. Hello!

I am bringing a complaint to Lady Human from all the bulldogs. Something went horribly wrong today and I demand to know why.

When I went outside during the morning, I noticed that the outside air felt like the inside air. What was going on? The inside air always feels better than the outside air. At least the humans used to do a good job at that. All of a sudden, everything felt the same – HOT!

Some human forgot to turn the sun down.

This is how I believe it works: the Great Creator gave us the sun so that we can see well and run around and poop and pee and chase cats. He also gave it so bulldogs could sunbathe. I believe some human is assigned to turn the sun off at night so we can finish our daytime naps. But that human forgot and left the sun running too long and it got hotter and hotter and now the hot is inside the house.

I was here last year during the hot time and this did not happen.

Lady Human and Tall Man were sweating and we bulldogs were panting. Why humans don’t pant I do not understand. It would cool them off so much.

Tall Man was talking to the black box in his hand and some human was saying that he could not come today to fix something and I understood that whatever was broken was causing the house to be hot and was called A SEE. See a what? Humans are too complicated.

Lady Human set up lots of little boxes with spinners in them. The spinners go fast and blow air – HOT AIR! Where is my cool house air?

Tall Man added chunks of ice to our water. That was a nice touch, but WHERE IS MY COOL HOUSE AIR? The humans left and soon came back with a big box. Tall Man worked at the window and put a white box in it. He pushed on the box. It whirred like other human toys, but this one breathed out cold air. YAY!

Ahhhh!!!!  The cool air returned. The sun must have trapped it in that white box that Tall Man stuck in the window. Once again, Tall Man is our hero. He wrestled the cold air box from the sun and brought it home.

I felt like eating so I did. So did the others. I didn’t need to pant anymore. Neither did the others.

I will discuss all of this with Lady Human later. Right now, I am going to take a nice, long, cool nap.

Farewell until next time,

Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.