I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I found the evidence in the yard today, evidence that waves in my face like a red flag in front of a bull, whatever that means. I heard one of the humans say it. I quote humans when they say words that sound interesting, even if they make no sense.
The evidence speaks for itself though it has no mouth. And so, once again, it begins.
Me: All right. This time I am totally confused. What begins once again? What evidence speaks for itself?
Me: I beg your pardon.
Me: No, I mean, what war?
Stella: Well, then you should have said so. Of course, you are confused. Humans live that way.
Me: Stella, what war?
Stella: The war between me and Jerky McSquirrelyFace. He has returned. I found the evidence this morning. A green pecan on the ground, chewed in half, cut down in its prime. I know his MO.
Me: Where did you hear about MO?
Stella: On the source of human stupidity – the Picture Box, naturally. Jerky starts small and then BOOM! He eats ALL the green pecans, leaving none for the rest of us! If that is not an act of squirrel war, what is? Get ready, Lady Human. It is going to be a long, hot summer. CHARGE!
Me: Can I just sit this one out in the air conditioning?
Stella: Lady Human, for shame!
Me: I don’t really have to pick up pecans. I can always go to the store.
Stella: Fine! Just turn over every pecan tree in the world to the squirrels. Who will have pecan pie then?
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.