Popcorn Barking – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am the human commonly referred to among the bulldogs as Lady Human.

Stella:    Hey, that’s my spot. Get out of my spot, Lady Human! I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and…

Snoopey:   What?

Tiger:     Who?

Wiggles:   Bark…bark……bark…bark.

Doodlebug:   What?

Miss Sweetie:   Hey! Huh! What?

Me:        Okay, please stop. You sound like a bunch of popcorn kernels going off.

Wiggles:   Popcorn? Mmmmm!

Stella:    When?

Tiger:   Where? How?

Snoopey:   Ruff…..Ruff…Ruff. Ruff.

Me:        You see! Some of that doesn’t even make any sense.

Doodlebug:   Sense? What? What? What?

Tiger:     How? When? Where? What?

Wiggles:   Someone said popcorn.

Snoopey:   Look! Look!

Stella:    At what?

Snoopey:   Nothing.

Miss Sweetie:   Looking. I see nothing. Where’s the popcorn?

Me:        There is no popcorn.

Stella:    I distinctly heard someone say popcorn. Was it you, Tiger?

Me:        How could anyone hear anything with all this barking? You bark and then she barks and then he barks and then you bark again.

Stella:    Yep.

Miss Sweetie:   Why?

Stella:   Why what, Sweetie?

Miss Sweetie:   Why is there no popcorn?

Tiger:   Exactly. Ruuuuffff!

Miss Sweetie:   I will bark until there is popcorn. Ruff…Ruff…Ruff…

Me:        Noooo! Please don’t! Look! I’ll get you treats or supplements or something if it will calm you all down. No more popcorn barking.

Snoopey:   Where did she go?

Stella:   To the kitchen. You see. I told you it would work.

Miss Sweetie:   Aunt Stella, you’re the best.

Stella:   Okay, Sweetie, you can stop barking now.

Miss Sweetie:   Why?




Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.







Welcome to The Bulldog Cafe – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and proprietor of The Bulldog Café.

Me:        The Bulldog Café? Is that a real thing?

Stella:    Of course. On the menu tonight is Victor Adult Dog food. It comes in a big yellow bag. It does not make you sick and our skin is fine so I guess it is okay. I used to eat a food that gave me lots of bad gas…

Me:        Wait. You are running a café? Don’t talk about bad gas and skin problems.

Stella:    What else should bulldogs talk about? When it comes to food, only the very best and that means stuff that doesn’t give you gas or make your skin itch and your hair fall out. Now where was I before I was so RUDELY interrupted? Oh, yes…on our menu tonight, popcorn.

Me:        No.

Stella:    How can I run a café without desserts and snacks?

Me:        No popcorn.

Stella:    Just a little bit.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    But…but…but…

Me:        I am not saying never. I am saying not tonight. I’ll do more research.

Stella:    Research besmirch. You humans and your little black boxes and your fingers tapping, tapping, tapping. On our menu tonight, ice cream.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    Why ever not?

Me:        I don’t have any and I have to do…

Stella:    I know. I know. More research. Leave it to a human to make everything complicated and unfun. So, what’s left? Oh, yes. On our menu tonight – plain water. There! Does that make you happy, Lady Human?

Me:        Well, it doesn’t make me unhappy. In fact, I’ll have some with you. Water is healthy.

Stella:    Yippee! So much for The Bulldog Café. I can’t wait to see our ratings on Yelp. Phhhuuuhhh!


Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill

You Smell Good! Wait! Where Have You Been? – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella the Illustrious. (That sounds so good, doesn’t it?) I am Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hello! And once again, Lady Human has come home after dark with no explanation for her absence.

Me:        Well, excuse me!

Stella:    No. Not this time.

Me:        Stella, I am a human, remember? I am not subject to any bulldog curfew.

Stella:    When you left, it was daylight. When you came home, it was dark.

Me:        I was gone for a total of four hours.

Stella:    And you came home smelling of popcorn.

Me:        Really? I didn’t notice.

Stella:    Are you questioning my dog nose? Even a bulldog has a better sense of scent than any human. You also smelled of wieners and bread and mustard, a delicious odor from what you so rudely refer to as a “Hot Dog”.

Me:        You caught that, too. Your nose is more sensitive than I thought. I wasn’t anywhere near the Hot Dog Stand.

Stella:    Aha! A confession! You went to a party without us!

Me:        Stella, honey, I go lots of places without y’all. No dogs were allowed.

Stella:    And yet other animals were. I scented an owl, a porcupine, a possum, small horses, goats, ducks, chickens…

Me:        How do you know what a porcupine smells like?

Stella:    You weren’t around for my first year and a half. You don’t know what I experienced.

Me:        Did you run into a porcupine before you met us?

Stella:    Not the point, but I guessed right, didn’t I?

Me:        Mmmm. Yeah.

Stella:    Where did you go that we could not?

Me:        I volunteered at a Fall Festival at my church. It was for humans. Only humans. Families and kids. I worked a snow cone machine.

Stella:    Snow cones? I like snow cones.

Me:        And we had a popcorn machine.

Stella:    Popcorn? I like popcorn.

Me:        And a cotton candy machine.

Stella:    Cotton candy. I like to eat cotton.

Me:        Cotton candy is a little different. And we had hot dogs.

Stella:    That’s me.

Me:        And a petting zoo with ponies, goats, ducks, and chickens. And the City Zoo brought an owl and a possum and, yes, a porcupine.

Stella;    I knew it! They let other animals in, but not bulldogs. Unfair!

Me:        Maybe next year, Stella.

Stella:    I will volunteer, Lady Human, but only if I get one snow cone, two hot dogs, a bag of popcorn, and a taste of cotton candy. And if I can get petted by all the children. No adults, please. I can get petted by adults anytime.



Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.