I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and proprietor of The Bulldog Café.
Me: The Bulldog Café? Is that a real thing?
Stella: Of course. On the menu tonight is Victor Adult Dog food. It comes in a big yellow bag. It does not make you sick and our skin is fine so I guess it is okay. I used to eat a food that gave me lots of bad gas…
Me: Wait. You are running a café? Don’t talk about bad gas and skin problems.
Stella: What else should bulldogs talk about? When it comes to food, only the very best and that means stuff that doesn’t give you gas or make your skin itch and your hair fall out. Now where was I before I was so RUDELY interrupted? Oh, yes…on our menu tonight, popcorn.
Stella: How can I run a café without desserts and snacks?
Me: No popcorn.
Stella: Just a little bit.
Me: I am not saying never. I am saying not tonight. I’ll do more research.
Stella: Research besmirch. You humans and your little black boxes and your fingers tapping, tapping, tapping. On our menu tonight, ice cream.
Stella: Why ever not?
Me: I don’t have any and I have to do…
Stella: I know. I know. More research. Leave it to a human to make everything complicated and unfun. So, what’s left? Oh, yes. On our menu tonight – plain water. There! Does that make you happy, Lady Human?
Me: Well, it doesn’t make me unhappy. In fact, I’ll have some with you. Water is healthy.
Stella: Yippee! So much for The Bulldog Café. I can’t wait to see our ratings on Yelp. Phhhuuuhhh!
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill