Snoopey the Bulldog Stress Eater – Conversations with Stella and Snoopey

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges – calm, collected, cool Queen Stella. Snoopey, however…

Me:        Very tense today.

Stella:    And why not? All those machine noises all day long.

Me:        With all the storms and rain lately, there has been a lot to clean up. Chain saws, mowers, tree mulchers…

Stella:    All day long. And the big rumbly truck in the alley.

Me:        Trash truck. That was today, too.

Stella:    I don’t like the big rumbly truck. It always wakes me up from my 2nd morning nap after my 1st morning nap, the one that comes right before breakfast and my 3rd morning nap.

Me:        I’m glad for the trash truck. Otherwise, we would be hip deep in garbage in no time.

Stella:    That’s because you don’t let us bulldogs eat the garbage. We could take care of it in no time.

Me:        Nope. Remember Miss Sweetie and the Greasy Paper Towel Incident.

Stella:    Oh, yeah. But Sweetie was young. She did not have my discriminating tastes.

Me:        So today, every time there was a loud noise or big truck or machine, Snoopey barked and then dove into her leftover food.

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Snoopey:   Food is good. Food is every day. Food makes me feel normal.

Me:        I have been a stress eater in my time as well.

Snoopey:   Really, Lady Human? That makes me feel better. More normal.

Me:        Stress eating is pretty common among humans. We have what we call ‘comfort foods’.

Snoopey:   Like what?

Me:        For my tastes – mmmm, tacos, pizza, potato chips, ice cream…

Snoopey:   I will take all of those, please.

Me:        I think that you had better stick with your regular food and treats.

Stella:    Mmmm, treats. I’ll have two, please.

Me:        Later, Stella.

Stella:    Awwww.

Me:        Even if you eat when you are stressed, Snoopey, you are still only eating your recommended daily food allowance. You are not overeating. I just wish that you would trust me when I tell you that everything is all right. When you hear loud noises, there is nothing to fear.

Snoopey:   That is hard.

Me:        For humans, too.

Stella:    Uhhh, somebody mentioned treats. I am standing here. Waiting. Patiently. No stress eating here. Just eating. Okay?

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Eat, Eat, And Eat Again! – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, Illustrious, Noble, and slightly ticked off. I eat once a day (not counting treats), sometimes twice a day if I don’t feel like finishing my breakfast all at one time. But Lady Human is another matter. She eats umpteen gillion times a day (yes, that is a number – a bulldog number) and she never offers me any.

Me:        You eat exactly as much as is recommended for you. If I start giving you my food, there will be no end.

Stella:    Of course not, because you never stop eating.

Me:        Nonsense.

Stella:    How many times a day do you eat?

Me:        I refuse to be judged by a bulldog. Especially not by a bulldog with your fascination over food.

Stella:    How many? How many? How many?

Me:        Oh, all right. Stop hopping up and down. Well, there is breakfast.

Stella:    And then?

Me:        Second breakfast?

Stella:    Like those cute Hobbits in that long, long movie with all the ugly orcs and that Ring that everybody just had to have. I understand. Sometimes one breakfast is simply not enough.

Me:        Then lunch. And then a light snack, usually fruit. And after that, a high protein snack. And finally, supper.

Stella:    Lady Human, for shame!

Me:        I break my food consumption up into 6 small meals a day instead of 3 larger ones. It works well for me.

Stella:    And what do you call your meal of cookies, brownies, cake, and candy?

Me:        I don’t make a meal of that.

Stella:    Uh-huh.

Me:        I mean I may have some of that stuff once in a while, but it’s not a meal.

Stella:    Uh-huh.

Me:        It’s not!

Stella:    Share with me when you decide to eat it next time.

Me:        I can’t. It’s not healthy…

Stella:    Ummm! Caught!

Me:        Hey, there’s a lot of stuff that is healthy for me, that I can eat but you can’t – avocados, grapes, raisins, garlic, onions, chocolate…

Stella:    Cookies, brownies, cake, candy.

Me:        Why is it important to you what I eat?

Stella:    I care.

Me:        Stella, I’m touched. That is so sweet. You care.

Stella:    Of course, I care. I will always care. Food. It’s what’s for supper.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

Thanksgiving Aftermath – Conversations with Stella

Once upon a time, yesterday, I, Stella the Illustrious, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, decreed that the Humans have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING with lots of excessive eating. I am sorry to report that our humans did not carry out my orders.

Me:        How did we not carry out Thanksgiving? We celebrated Thanksgiving. We gave thanks to God. We gave you all extra treats. We ate. Lots. Abundant desserts. Potatoes. Cornbread dressing.

Stella:    And where was this feast?

Me:        Well, at a family friend’s house.

Stella:    Not here.

Me:        No.

Stella:    So, we bulldogs missed out. Why couldn’t we go? Was it a bulldog-free zone?

Me:        Yeah, they have a dog-aggressive bully breed and there were a bunch of small kids. Space was limited.

Stella:    Are you saying we are fat?

Me:        Never. Y’all are bulldog stocky. Outside dogs were not invited. Sorry.

Stella:    You came in with bags and bags the other day. Where is our feast?

Me:        We still have lots of food and we will share with you. Judiciously.

Stella:    Is ‘judiciously’ a word that means we don’t get any?

Me:        No, ‘judiciously’ means that we won’t feed you too much or feed you stuff that will likely make you sick.

Stella:    Okay. It’s a deal.

Me:        Are you still thankful?

Stella:    Yes, because even though we could not share your Thanksgiving dinner today, we will thankfully consume all the rest of your abundance in the days to come. Thanksgiving is not limited to one day.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.