I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, shall now begin my Christmas rant. Ranting is not reserved for humans alone. I have plenty about which to rant.
Me: Like what? You have not been out in the crowds.
Stella: If you wish more ranting time, you have my royal permission. Go ahead. I will add mine later. Rant on!
Me: The people walking in front of me at the grocery store crept along like snails. So slowly.
Stella: Yes, slow humans. Everyone should have a bulldog pulling them along. What else?
Me: “No, ma’am! You can’t get three of the same item on that one coupon!”
Stella: No, ma’am! You can’t! What is a coupon?
Me: “No, sir! If there are no more, there are no more!” Hey, guy! They ran out! Move along!
Stella: Yes, move along there, human! Wait? What did they run out of? Not our treats again, I hope!
Me: And then there were the people who insisted on blocking the store aisles so they could get a picture of their pet with Santa Claus.
Stella: The big bearded man in the red furry suit? He takes pictures with animals? Really? But on the other hand, is it a good idea to put your animal in the lap of a bearded stranger? Do I really want my picture made with a guy I don’t know?
Me: Humans like it. I simply wanted them to move out of my way.
Stella: Did you call someone an ugly name this time?
Me: No. I went shopping in a better frame of mind and I exercised self-control. Well, some self-control.
Stella: But not enough to keep from ranting. Merry Christmas, Lady Human! My turn to rant! My turn! Miss Sweetie ate a greasy paper towel and threw up all over the place. Not very Christmasy. Christmas is supposed to smell good.
Me: Yeah, she dug deep in the trash and pulled one out. Thanks be to God, she threw it up and is feeling better now.
Stella: Don’t do the crime and you won’t do the time. Why trash dive when we have all this good food?
Me: It’s in her nature. And you are not complaining about your food?
Stella: Oh, that’s right! Food rant! I have seen all kinds of special food come in, but we are eating the same old thing, day in and day out. Where are our cool goodies?
Me: You all get treats.
Stella: Not red and green ones. Just dull old brown ones. Where is our bulldog Christmas?
Me: We’ll work on that. You shouldn’t eat everything we eat.
Stella: You shouldn’t eat everything that you eat. Rant!
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
