Stella’s Christmas Rant – Conversations with Stella

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, shall now begin my Christmas rant. Ranting is not reserved for humans alone. I have plenty about which to rant.

Me:        Like what? You have not been out in the crowds.

Stella:    If you wish more ranting time, you have my royal permission. Go ahead. I will add mine later. Rant on!

Me:        The people walking in front of me at the grocery store crept along like snails. So slowly.

Stella:    Yes, slow humans. Everyone should have a bulldog pulling them along. What else?

Me:        “No, ma’am! You can’t get three of the same item on that one coupon!”

Stella:    No, ma’am! You can’t! What is a coupon?

Me:        “No, sir! If there are no more, there are no more!” Hey, guy! They ran out! Move along!

Stella:    Yes, move along there, human! Wait? What did they run out of? Not our treats again, I hope!

Me:        And then there were the people who insisted on blocking the store aisles so they could get a picture of their pet with Santa Claus.

Stella:    The big bearded man in the red furry suit? He takes pictures with animals? Really? But on the other hand, is it a good idea to put your animal in the lap of a bearded stranger? Do I really want my picture made with a guy I don’t know?

Me:        Humans like it. I simply wanted them to move out of my way.

Stella:    Did you call someone an ugly name this time?

Me:        No. I went shopping in a better frame of mind and I exercised self-control. Well, some self-control.

Stella:    But not enough to keep from ranting. Merry Christmas, Lady Human! My turn to rant! My turn! Miss Sweetie ate a greasy paper towel and threw up all over the place. Not very Christmasy. Christmas is supposed to smell good.

Me:        Yeah, she dug deep in the trash and pulled one out. Thanks be to God, she threw it up and is feeling better now.

Stella:    Don’t do the crime and you won’t do the time. Why trash dive when we have all this good food?

Me:        It’s in her nature. And you are not complaining about your food?

Stella:    Oh, that’s right! Food rant! I have seen all kinds of special food come in, but we are eating the same old thing, day in and day out. Where are our cool goodies?

Me:        You all get treats.

Stella:    Not red and green ones. Just dull old brown ones. Where is our bulldog Christmas?

Me:        We’ll work on that. You shouldn’t eat everything we eat.

Stella:    You shouldn’t eat everything that you eat. Rant!

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Christmas Rant – Conversations with Stella

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, beg everyone’s pardon. Apparently, Lady Human has something that she wishes to say. Proceed, Lady Human.

Me:        I’ve had it. This is my rant. It is long overdue. Here it comes! I HATE CHRISTMAS! No, that’s not true. I like Christmas. I hate what we’ve done to it. I hate the stupidity of how we celebrate and how I have allowed it to affect me.

Stella:    Rant! Rant! Rant! Rant! I love rants! Go on.

Me:        I was stuck at an intersection because all these silly people decided that they had to get their cars washed on the last Saturday before Christmas Eve. REALLY? And on a day when the temperature was expected to drop 52 degrees. From 73 degrees, down to 19 degrees. Who does that? I mean REALLY! WHO DOES THAT? The whole intersection was blocked and the silly woman in front of me – all right, maybe she wasn’t a silly woman, maybe she was just confused, but it was silly that she wouldn’t move at all and REALLY? Did she think that the situation was going to change? DECIDE! MOVE IN A DIRECTION! ANY DIRECTION! LOOK! YOU JUST LOST ANOTHER GREEN LIGHT! WHAT DOES THAT MAKE? FIVE?

Stella:    Was it five? I can count to five. One, two, three, four, five…that’s a lot. This is so exciting! What happened then?

Me:        Then, she finally moved. And I got out of the intersection, too. I was so stupid to go out in holiday traffic.

Stella:    Stupid. Yes. Yes, you were. So human of you.

Me:        And I called her an ugly name. She couldn’t hear me, but that didn’t matter. Not Christian of me. Not Christmasy.

Stella:    I love ugly names! I have a secret, ugly name for each of the bulldogs. Someday, I may share them with you, but you can’t tell the others. Rant on!

Me:        My patience level should have been higher. My attitude should have been better. I was naughty, not nice.

Stella:    Oh, Lady Human, did you fall off the list of that fat, bearded man in the red suit? Wait, is this still a rant? Because it doesn’t sound very ranty anymore.

Me:        I’m just mad at myself for acting up, for having a bad attitude, being selfish, and impatient.

Stella:    Boy, Lady Human, you really were naughty. You should fall off that nice list. You have me tired simply hearing about it. Nap time! We’ll rant more later.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.