Stella’s Christmas Rant – Conversations with Stella

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, shall now begin my Christmas rant. Ranting is not reserved for humans alone. I have plenty about which to rant.

Me:        Like what? You have not been out in the crowds.

Stella:    If you wish more ranting time, you have my royal permission. Go ahead. I will add mine later. Rant on!

Me:        The people walking in front of me at the grocery store crept along like snails. So slowly.

Stella:    Yes, slow humans. Everyone should have a bulldog pulling them along. What else?

Me:        “No, ma’am! You can’t get three of the same item on that one coupon!”

Stella:    No, ma’am! You can’t! What is a coupon?

Me:        “No, sir! If there are no more, there are no more!” Hey, guy! They ran out! Move along!

Stella:    Yes, move along there, human! Wait? What did they run out of? Not our treats again, I hope!

Me:        And then there were the people who insisted on blocking the store aisles so they could get a picture of their pet with Santa Claus.

Stella:    The big bearded man in the red furry suit? He takes pictures with animals? Really? But on the other hand, is it a good idea to put your animal in the lap of a bearded stranger? Do I really want my picture made with a guy I don’t know?

Me:        Humans like it. I simply wanted them to move out of my way.

Stella:    Did you call someone an ugly name this time?

Me:        No. I went shopping in a better frame of mind and I exercised self-control. Well, some self-control.

Stella:    But not enough to keep from ranting. Merry Christmas, Lady Human! My turn to rant! My turn! Miss Sweetie ate a greasy paper towel and threw up all over the place. Not very Christmasy. Christmas is supposed to smell good.

Me:        Yeah, she dug deep in the trash and pulled one out. Thanks be to God, she threw it up and is feeling better now.

Stella:    Don’t do the crime and you won’t do the time. Why trash dive when we have all this good food?

Me:        It’s in her nature. And you are not complaining about your food?

Stella:    Oh, that’s right! Food rant! I have seen all kinds of special food come in, but we are eating the same old thing, day in and day out. Where are our cool goodies?

Me:        You all get treats.

Stella:    Not red and green ones. Just dull old brown ones. Where is our bulldog Christmas?

Me:        We’ll work on that. You shouldn’t eat everything we eat.

Stella:    You shouldn’t eat everything that you eat. Rant!

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

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