I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and as queen, it is my duty to inform Lady Human of bulldog misbehavior, unless it is my own. Lady Human, I regret to tell you, but Doodlebug has pulled a Miss Sweetie bathroom trick.
Me: What? What’s going on? You don’t mean…
Stella: Yes. No. Maybe. If you are thinking that Doodlebug built his own toilet by stacking his food bowl on his water bowl at a convenient angle, no. He’s not that skilled. Sweetie is a way better…what do humans call it?
Me: Engineer.
Stella: Okay. If you say so. Anyway, if you were thinking that Doodlebug aimed at his empty food bowl and peed, then you would be right.
Me: Doodlebug, why?
Doodlebug: Mmmmm. I dunno.
Me: How come you didn’t let me know you needed to go out? I just went outside for a minute to throw the trash away. Couldn’t you have waited?
Doodlebug: No.
Me: Why not? Are you all right?
Doodlebug: Yep.
Me: Do you have a problem?
Doodlebug: Nope.
Me: Then why did you pee in your food bowl?
Doodlebug: I do what I want. I do what I want.
Me: Oh, no, you don’t do what you want, boy. Nobody gets to do whatever they want. Nobody.
Stella: Humans do.
Me: No, humans do not.
Stella: Ridiculous.
Me: Humans have rules, standards, guidance that we must live by. They are given to us by the Great Creator, so that we will live and live well. And one of our rules is that we do not pee in our food bowls.
Stella: Doodlebug did.
Doodlebug: I do what I want. I do what…
Me: No, Doodlebug, no. You are getting too old to be acting out like that. Let me know when you need an extra trip outside and you’ll have it. No more peeing in the house!
Doodlebug: What about in my crate?
Me: No!
Doodlebug: What about in my water bowl?
Me: No!
Doodlebug: What about in Aunt Stella’s water bowl?
Stella: NO!
Me: So bulldogs DO have rules.
Stella: When it comes to my stuff, this bulldog does.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 