I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Now I have seen everything. Humans, bulldogs are smart. Stubborn but smart. Some people think that our stubbornness means that we do not understand what we are being asked to do. Not so. We may obey, but we do not comply.
Today I have seen something that rivals…well, you tell the story, Lady Human.
Me: You saw it, too.
Stella: Yes, but I was still in extended bulldog wake up mode, so I missed the first part.
Me: Okay. This morning, everyone had been fed and I normally take Miss Sweetie outside first by herself after breakfast because she gets to playing and forgets to do…you know, her business.
Stella: Let’s be clear. Her “business” is pooping and peeing. Why don’t humans just say what they mean?
Me: When I was growing up, bathroom matters were called “business” and everyone knew what that meant.
Stella: Pooping and peeing. See, I said it. Please go on.
Me: I always try to get Miss Sweetie out within a minute or two of her finishing breakfast because she is not good at waiting to do her business.
Stella: Who is? Please continue.
Me: I was washing some dishes at the sink and I heard her start to move her metal food dish around, indicating that she had finished her food. She steps in it and sometimes sits in it, even though she doesn’t fit and, anyway, I told her I would be with her in a minute. A minute! And to please wait just a minute! And then, there was this sound of water hitting metal and I knew it wasn’t from the sink because I had turned the faucet off and I’m like, “Is there a weird leak somewhere?”
Stella: And there was! Tell it! Tell it! Tell it!
Me: I looked over at Miss Sweetie and there she was, sitting beside her food and water bowls, only the empty food bowl was sitting at a 45 degree angle on top of her water bowl and…I can hardly say it…
Stella: Go ahead! This is the best part.
Me: And pee was pooled in the bottom of it. She had set up her food bowl as a toilet and she had peed in it because she did not want to wait another minute to go out. Yuck!
Me: And she had perfect aim and she did not spill a drop.
Stella: I feel like cheering. Let’s hear it for Miss Sweetie, Bulldog Bathroom Champion! How do the humans say it? Oh, yes, hip-hip-hoo…
Stella: No, I don’t think that is how it goes. No human cheer ends with the word, “Yuck”.
Me: Do you know how much hot water and soap I had to use on those bowls before I could even think of using them for her food and water again?
Stella: No, but I am sure that Miss Sweetie did not give it a second thought. And I am sure that you won’t be asking her to wait just one more minute before her morning bathroom run again.
Me: Not even half a minute.
Stella: You realize that Miss Sweetie can’t tell time. A minute to her could be an hour, a week, a month, a year for all she knows. Miss Sweetie believes in basics. If you need to go the bathroom, go to the bathroom. That’s all. She was doing you a favor by setting up her bowl to catch it. She knew how busy you were.
I hope you got a picture of it. You can put it on that little box that you and all the other humans are always staring at.
Me: I don’t post pictures of pee. For any reason. I did show Tall Man just so I had a witness and he wouldn’t think that I was making it up.
Stella: I think Miss Sweetie should consider a change in career from bulldog to whoever those humans are who take care of putting together human toilets.
Stella: No, that’s not it.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.